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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27776320">Running in Circles</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UFO_Spotter26/pseuds/UFO_Spotter26'>UFO_Spotter26</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tiny Meat Gang (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Chapter 10 wont hurt like 9 but it might sting, Chapter 9 might hurt, Cheating, Childhood Friends, Closeted Character, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Friends with Benefits Situation (Sort of), Gay Panic, Growing Up Together, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Violence, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rimming, Sneaking Around, protective noel, semi angry sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:00:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>48,550</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27776320</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UFO_Spotter26/pseuds/UFO_Spotter26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a story about two people growing up together while their feelings and shared title of "just friends" grow and change like they do.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cody Ko/Devon Spinnler, Cody Ko/Noel Miller, Noel Miller/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Been working on this one for a while.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Noel meets Cody for the first time.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s his first day at this new elementary school and Noel’s wishes it wasn’t. He hates being the new kid and having to make new friends, he knows he wont make any like the last ones he had to leave behind, but his parents told him to try. It’s recess when he sees it, a kid his age being pushed down to the ground while three kids surround him. Normally he wouldn’t do anything, he’d mind his own business and just find something to do, but the kid on the ground is covered in band-aids and bruises already and Noel’s reminded how bad it must feel to be on the ground like that. His clothes are muddy and Noel can tell the kid’s mom still picks out his clothes for him because Noel would never wear something like that unless he had to. The leader of the trio has the boy’s shoes in his hand and he drops one down in front of the kid before using the shoe strings to hold the other one out in front of him so he couldn’t reach them despite how close they were to him. </p><p>“You’re gross,” the leader says. </p><p>“Go play over there,” another says, “this is our side!”</p><p>“Yeah,” the third agrees, “no one likes you!”</p><p>And Noel decides then that he doesn’t wanna see anymore bruises and band-aids on this kid. He doesn’t want to just watch from the side anymore. He sighs, “no one likes you guys either. Give him his shoe back.”</p><p>The leader turns to him and so does the kid on the ground and Noel’s even more upset when he sees tears in this kid's eyes. The leader looks at the shoe in his hand, “this shoe?”</p><p>He doesn’t answer him and watches him toss it near the dumpsters before crossing his arms over his chest, “go away, this is our side.”</p><p>“Actually,” Noel says, feeling bold as he walks over to them, “this is my side, so you need to leave.”</p><p>The leader tries to push him but Noel remembers what he’d seen another kid do at his old school and punches him in the stomach. He falls over crying and the other kids look down at their leader before one of them speaks up as he steps back, “we’ll go tell the teacher on you!”</p><p>“Go tell her,” he says moving forward, almost daring them to do something or run.</p><p>They step back before the one closest reaches out to push him. Noel steps out of the way and pushes the boy over hard. He lands on his hands and knees and lets out a small whine when he sits up and his knee is bleeding. The last kid standing looks to him and he walks towards him slightly before he’s just running away. He heads towards the dumpsters and the other two kids run off leaving the pitiful kid with band-aids on the ground. Noel walks over to him and soon he looks up at him. He’s sweet looking, chubby face but with watery kind eyes, and blond hair. He looks scared of him, “I’ll leave your side, just let me get my shoe.”</p><p>He holds it out for him and the boy takes it carefully. Noel can’t help but give him advice, “you need to be more careful.” </p><p>He puts it on his foot and Noel watches him struggle to tie his shoes before he’s soon kneeling down beside him and moving his hands out of the way. He takes the laces of one, tying it for him and double knotting it, knowing this might not be the last time someone tries to take the shoes off his feet. When he’s done he looks to him, “give me your hands.”</p><p>He holds them out and he’s wrapping his fingers around the strings motioning with him so he can learn how to do it by himself, “it’s like this. Pull it tight, make a loop, loop it around, and pull it through.”</p><p>He double knots the shoe for him again and the boy looks up at him smiling, “thanks.”</p><p>“I’m Noel.”</p><p>“I’m Cody.”</p><p>“You don’t have any friends, do you?”</p><p>He shakes his head and Noel points to the band-aid on his cheek, “do they hurt you a lot?</p><p>He nods and Noel touches his head, giving it a small pat, “not anymore. I’ll be your friend. I’ll keep you safe.”</p><p>Cody smiles bigger at him and Noel stands, holding out his hand to him. He pulls Cody onto his feet and the boy is quick to hug him. Noel doesn’t think any of his friends have ever hugged him before. Cousins, family members have hugged him, but people who weren’t related to him? He doesn’t think so. He hugs him back and Cody’s soft, really soft even though he’s dirty. He likes the way Cody hugs and he thinks he can get used to it. </p><p>“Noel Miller!”</p><p>He looks at the teacher before turning to Cody, patting his shoulder, “they can’t hurt you if you’re inside the slide. Sit with me at lunch tomorrow?”</p><p>He nods and Noel takes off towards the teacher who looks upset with him, “hurting three other kids on your first day? I’m going to have to call your parents and tell them about your behavior.”</p><p>She walks him towards the door with the three other kids, leaving another teacher in charge of watching the others. Noel turns to see Cody and waves to him. Cody smiles and waves back and maybe his parents will be upset with him, but at least he can tell them he made a friend today.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cody wants his first kiss.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>By middle school I mean like 8th grade.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Middle school is strange, everyone’s sounding different and looking different, and Noel’s wondering why other kids are getting taller than he is. The only person who isn’t changing like him is Cody. He still has a friendly face and doe eyes and still thinks Noel’s the coolest person he knows. The other boys in his grade are interested in girls but Cody’s not which makes him feel better for not being that interested in them either. They hang out and play video games and he watches Cody take things apart to see how they work and even helps him with it sometimes. But then one day Cody asks him to go to a party with him. </p><p>Noel hates parties, he’d never liked them, there were too many people, it was always too loud, and people got way too annoying when they drank. But Cody’d looked at him with pleading eyes and he can never say no to him. Noel gets an older guy from his neighborhood who owes him a favor to drive them there and he and Cody lie about going to each other’s houses to their parents. Cody’s excited when they get there and when Cody lags behind him not close enough a few girls talk to him. They’re annoying and have on make up that he’s sure they don’t quite know how to apply on their own yet. He ignores them for the most part and they all gather in a circle to play spin the bottle. Noel doesn’t want to play it, he doesn’t want to kiss any girls or have lip gloss on his face, he wants to play video games and eat the family bag of chips with Cody he’d hidden in the back of the cabinets so his dad wouldn’t get them.</p><p>The bottle doesn’t land on either of them and Noel’s glad but he can tell Cody’s disappointed. When everyone is done playing the game they head outside to the bonfire. Everyone’s drinking beer and some sort of brown alcohol that has a taste reminding him of battery acid. When he’s tired of standing around hearing people talk over trashy pop he nudges Cody and looks to the door as he heads into the bathroom. Cody soon follows and Noel crosses his arms, “we came to the party. Can we go now?”</p><p>“I haven’t got to do everything yet,” he tells him, “I didn’t see anything weird or cool happen. And I didn’t get to kiss anyone yet.”</p><p><em>Kiss anyone,</em> he thinks,<em> Cody’s never been interested in kissing anyone. Why does he care about that now?</em></p><p>He sighs, “you aren’t even interested in stuff like that.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I’ve never been to a party before so I should probably do all that stuff, right?”</p><p>“It’s boring here,” he tells him. </p><p>“Okay, just, help me kiss someone and then we can go. I wanna at least have my first kiss before we leave.”</p><p>
  <em>First kiss? Should I be worried about having my first one too?</em>
</p><p>“Fine,” he says, “who do you wanna kiss? One of the popular girls, Kelly, Brianna, Ruby?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” he says, “I didn’t really have someone in mind. I was just going to kiss the first person who wanted to kiss me back.”</p><p>
  <em>That’s it?</em>
</p><p>He rolls his eyes and he’s not sure why he does it but he pushes Cody back against the wall. Before Cody can speak he’s leaning in and pressing his mouth against his, closing his eyes. The thought doesn’t hit him until halfway through that they’re both boys and that he probably shouldn’t be doing this. Cody’s lips pucker and kiss back and after a couple seconds of that he pulls away a little confused as to why he did that. He plays it off like it’s no big deal but he can’t stop thinking about it, “happy? Can we go now?”</p><p>Cody nods, not saying a word as he unlocks the bathroom and drags him out of the house. They head down the street in silence and Noel thinks about calling someone but doesn’t want to have someone else’s voice in his ear that isn’t Cody. The longer the walk the more quiet he realizes Cody is. He can’t stop thinking about the kiss and he wonders if Cody’s upset with him for doing that, “you mad at me? Did you wanna kiss a girl?”</p><p>And Cody sounds angry, “of course I did. Who would I have wanted to kiss if I didn’t wanna kiss a girl? A guy?”</p><p>And Noel feels embarrassed and ashamed for putting his mouth on Cody’s, “sorry I ruined your first kiss then.”</p><p>“I—you didn’t. I don’t even care about it.”</p><p>“Then why are you getting mad at me?”</p><p>“I’m not mad at you.” </p><p>“Are you mad it was me you kissed?” </p><p>“I just didn’t think it would be you.”</p><p>And he doesn’t know why that hurts but it does.</p><p>“Who did you think it’d be?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe one of the girls in my Science class.” </p><p>And he decides to make up for kissing him, “I can get one of them to kiss you if you want.”</p><p>“No, it’s whatever.”</p><p>“Do you like anyone in our grade? Someone in another grade? I can get them for you if you want.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” he says, but it doesn’t feel fine.</p><p>They get to the first street lamp and Noel turns to look at him, a question on his mind, “would you have wanted another guy to kiss you?”</p><p>“What? No. I-I don’t know!”</p><p>And that hits something in Noel and makes him wonder if Cody looks at guys sometimes like he does. Cody walks ahead of him and he can’t help but think about what it would feel like if they were holding hands right now. He follows him closer, “if you had to kiss another guy in our grade, <em>had too,</em> who would it be?”</p><p>“If I had to,” he asks, walking slower. </p><p>
  <em>He’d say me right? All the girls in our grade wanna kiss me, he’d wanna kiss me too right?</em>
</p><p>“I guess I would probably kiss Devon.”</p><p><em>Devon</em>?</p><p>“What? Spinnler? Why him?”</p><p>
  <em>Why him? Why not him? He’s taller and better looking than me. He’s got abs and looks like a surfer.</em>
</p><p>Cody shrugs, “he doesn’t make fun of me. He’s nice. Plus...I think he was gonna kiss me at the fair.”</p><p>And that puts a new feeling in him that he’s never felt before and he feels upset, “what?”</p><p>“Well, I mean, maybe I just thought that. But we were hanging out, having fun while you and Spock were trying to win the banana that looked like it was high. And we got on the ferris wheel and got to the top and it stopped and everything and he was being really nice to me. And I got really scared when it stopped and I couldn't stop looking over the edge so he held my face in his hands to keep my eyes on him. And I just remember us looking into each other's eyes for a really long time and I think he was gonna kiss me.”</p><p>“Devon was gonna kiss you?”</p><p>Cody shakes his head, “no. No! I...I don’t know. Maybe I just thought that. Maybe I wanted him to kiss me.”</p><p>
  <em>Wanted him to kiss you?</em>
</p><p>“Are you gay,” he asks, and it just comes out without him thinking.</p><p>“Can we just go home?” </p><p>He doesn’t answer the question and even though Noel wants the answer he doesn’t push it, “yeah, whatever. Let’s just go.”</p><p>He walks around him faster and Cody stays behind him until he he’s a strange sound he doesn’t recognize. He hears Cody speed up and feels him grab the back of his shirt, “wait for me.”</p><p>“It’s the wind,” he says, “you’re such a pussy.”</p><p>His hands wrap around Noel’s bicep and that makes his heart pound while Cody speaks, “it was not just the wind! It sounded like a person.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, trying to get him to laugh, “and that person can hear <em>you</em> sounding like a total pussy.”</p><p>There’s another sound that sounds like something hitting metal and Cody jumps, squeezing his arm as he sounds scared, “okay, fine, whatever, I’m a pussy. Just walk faster.”</p><p>“Jesus, you want me to hold your hand too?”</p><p>
  <em>If you ask me to I will.</em>
</p><p>“Shut up, dude.”</p><p>Noel looks at him and Cody’s wide eyed, eyes jerky and looking everywhere making him laugh. Cody gives a short nervous laugh before shaking his head, “it’s not funny, dude, I hate walking at night so much.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“What if someone kidnaps us? What if some creepy guy in a van drives by and just fucking kidnaps us?”</p><p>“And does what with us? There’s two of us and one of him. I could handle it. You on the other hand, you’d be crying in the corner for mommy and daddy to come get you.”</p><p>A car drives by them and Cody’s grip tightens on his arm and he thinks he likes walking home at night with Cody better than going into any haunted house with him. Cody speaks, “dude, I hate this so much. Can we please just run from here? Your house is right up there.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” he smiles, “the breeze is nice tonight. Warm, no bugs. It’s nice.”</p><p>A dog barks from the side of the fence and Cody’s squeezing harder, pushing himself closer to him, “I can’t, dude. I can’t. This is a nightmare.”</p><p>And that makes Noel laugh and pull his arm from his grasp before hugging him, “dude, it’s fine. It’s just a dog. We’re almost there.”</p><p>“I don’t care, I wanna be in my pajamas, I wanna be in your bed, I don’t wanna be outside anymore.”</p><p>Noel leads him to his house and once inside they’re walking past his sleeping dad in the living room to his room. When they’re in his room Cody seems to be calm and no longer scared. He changes into his pajamas and they play video games for a while. When they decide it’s time to go to bed Cody turns to him, “are you okay?”</p><p>It doesn’t make sense and confuses Noel when he asks but he responds anyway, “yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”</p><p>“Well, you haven’t really said anything about the whole Devon situation.”</p><p>“What do you want me to say?” </p><p>“Nothing, well, something. I don’t know. Is it...does it gross you out that I might have wanted him to kiss me?”</p><p>And that feels like a punch to the gut. <em>Cody wanted him to kiss him? But he didn’t want me to kiss him?</em></p><p>“No, it’s whatever. Just go to sleep.”</p><p>
  <em>And stop talking about you wanting to kiss him.</em>
</p><p>“Are you mad at me?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Are you upset?”</p><p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>He crawls in bed with him under the blanket and soon he scoots close, pulling Noel’s arm around his waist before turning the same way Noel’s facing. He takes the extra pillow, holding it between his arms and Noel can’t help but think about this position, “we probably shouldn’t sleep like this anymore.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I mean, you can sleep in my bed or the floor or whatever but we probably shouldn’t sleep like this, you know? It’s too...<em>close.</em>”</p><p>“But we always sleep like this. I can’t sleep here if you’re not holding onto me,” he says and Noel can hear the frown, “if this is about the Devon thing-”</p><p>“It’s not,” he says, cutting him off on that immediately, “we’re just getting too old for this shit.”</p><p>He pulls his arms away and turns towards the wall, regretting letting go of him already. Cody turns to face him but he’s already facing away. Cody’s hand touches his shoulder and he rolls it off, speaking, “we’re not little kids anymore, Cody. We can’t keep acting like it.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cody gets some new shoes and Noel makes sure he gets to wear them.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was actually the first chapter I wrote for this. I really just wanted to write about Cody's glitter shoes and kind of mix it with parts of the shoe scene from True Detective.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a month and a half into freshman year when he’s slouched against the brick wall, waiting and looking at his phone, checking the time. He hears footsteps come down the steps towards him and he turns seeing Cody heading his way as he smiles, “sorry I’m late! My alarm didn’t go off for some reason.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” he sighs, “let’s just get to school.”</p><p>Cody jumps off the last step and the shimmer caught his eye when he did, making him look to Cody’s feet and raise a brow, “did you get new shoes?”</p><p>He looks down at his own feet smiling, “yeah! Aren’t they cool?”</p><p>Each fragment of glitter sparkles like tiny mirrors and Noel looks to him, “you’re really going to wear those today, with that pink shirt and everything?”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s got flowers on the sleeves that have a little glitter on them too,” he says, “see, it matches my shoes.”</p><p>“You, uh, you really like those shoes?”</p><p>He smiles, turning his feet so he can watch them catch the light, “I love them. I think they’re my favorite pair of shoes.”</p><p>“Like, ever?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, “aren’t they cool?”</p><p>“They look like girl shoes.”</p><p>“These are so cool,” he says, not focused on Noel at all.</p><p>Noel stares at them a moment longer until Cody’s looking at them, “you don’t like them?”</p><p>“They’re...cute,” he says, putting his arm around him, “and if you like them then I like them.”</p><p>He beams and puts his head on Noel’s shoulder, “you’re the best.”</p><p>And Noel feels good when Cody says that. He glances down at the shoes watching them sparkle with each step he takes before he feels like asking him a question, “do you like stuff like that? Like, girly stuff or…”</p><p>He shrugs, “I don’t know. But these are cool.”</p><p>He shows off the side of his sleeve and Noel watches the sun bounce off each speckled side of his shoes and the flowers on his shirt. He nods, “yeah, they’re cool. For sure.”</p><p>Cody pulls from him and begins to walk backwards as he speaks to him, “you don’t think they’re cool. Tell me the truth. Do you think they’re cool?”</p><p>“I think they’re cool on you,” he nods, “you pull them off.”</p><p>“Devon will probably like them,” he nods, turning away from him as he walks forward.</p><p>Noel rolls his eyes, “Devon likes <em>everything</em> you like.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s why he’s my best friend,” he says. </p><p>And that makes Noel feel a little upset, “Devon’s your best friend?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“I thought I was your best friend,” he says. </p><p>“I can have more than one best friend.” </p><p>“No you can’t. Best means one. ‘Friend’ is singular. Not plural,” he says.</p><p>“Best friends is plural,” he turns to him, smiling.</p><p>“Whatever.”</p><p>“Fine,” he says, “if you can only have <em>one</em> best friend then you’re my best friend.”</p><p>“I thought Devon was your best friend.”</p><p>“Devon is my good friend,” he says, “you’re my best friend.”</p><p>He continues to frown until Cody stops and Noel walks into him. Cody opens his arms, hugging him and Noel hugs back. He’s gotten used to Cody being a hugger, but it still shocks him when he does put his arms around him. Cody’s warm and soft and he thinks it’s weird whenever he doesn’t want Cody to let go of him. He wants to hold onto him longer, longer than he thinks is okay for two friends to hold onto each other. </p><p>When Cody pulls back they head to school. In class, they spend most of the time passing notes and talking to one another about nothing. He makes Cody laugh and he isn’t sure why but hearing Cody laugh is more rewarding than hearing anyone else in school laugh. He thinks maybe it’s because they’re best friends, but he doesn’t know. The only thing he knows is that Cody’s laugh, for whatever reason, never fails to make him smile.</p><p>It’s time to leave and Cody’s standing by the exit, looking down at the ground and Noel heads over, throwing an arm around him. He flinches but when Cody notices it’s him he speaks, “ready to go?”</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing,” he says, sounding tired, “let’s just go home.”</p><p>Cody starts to walk off but Noel grabs his wrist and keeps him from leaving, “what’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing,” he says louder.</p><p>He holds Cody’s chin, turning his face towards him and he sees the red mark on his cheek that looked like it would bruise. His brows come together in anger and he frowns, “who did this?”</p><p>“Nobody.”</p><p>“Bullshit. Who fucking did this to you?”</p><p>He doesn’t say anything and he looks back to the floor. Noel looks down seeing that he was wearing his gym shoes, “hey, where are your shoes?”</p><p>“I’m wearing them.”</p><p>“Where are your <em>new</em> shoes?”</p><p>“I took them off.”</p><p>“Why’d you do that?”</p><p>“I just didn’t wanna wear them anymore. It’s no big deal.”</p><p>“Where are they?”</p><p>“They’re in my gym locker.”</p><p>“Alright then let’s go get them,” he says, dragging him towards the locker room.</p><p>“No, I really just wanna go home. I don’t feel like walking around.”</p><p>“Then I’ll fucking carry you home but we’re not leaving without those shoes.”</p><p>They get to the gym and Cody stares at the lockers and Noel turns the lock on Cody’s, unlocking it. When it’s opened there are no shoes, only a shirt and basketball shorts. He frowns and turns to him, “where are they?”</p><p>“In my school locker.”</p><p>“Bullshit they are,” he says, slamming the locker shut, “you’d better tell me what happened to those fucking shoes right now.”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter,” he shouts back, “god, they’re just shoes! They’re just fucking shoes! Just stupid little girl shoes and you didn’t even like them anyway! Why does it fucking matter where they are?”</p><p>“Because they’re your favorite fucking shoes and I’m not leaving this goddamn school until they’re back on your fucking feet.”</p><p>Cody crosses his arms before Noel sees a purplish red mark under the collar of his shirt. Noel’s mind goes wild with possibilities of how Cody could’ve gotten what looks like a hickey on his neck. The only person who comes to mind is Devon and Noel doesn’t like that thought. He couldn’t picture Devon kissing Cody’s neck the way people do in movies. He points to his shirt, “the fuck is that?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Under your shirt,” he says, “that a hickey?’</p><p>“What,” he asks, touching it as he mumbles, “yeah. Yeah, it’s a hickey.”</p><p>“Show me.”</p><p>He gives him an embarrassed look as he covers it, “what? You want me to take my clothes off? Why? Do you wanna see me naked? I didn’t know you were into that.”</p><p>“Take your fucking shirt off, Cody.”</p><p>“You know, you’re not really my type, I-”</p><p>Noel pulls the collar to the side, exposing the bruise and once more of it was exposed he could tell it wasn’t a hickey, but a hand print. Noel’s blood begins to boil and he can tell the bruise had been there for more than a day or two. He takes a deep breath to appear calm, “who did this to you?”</p><p>“Nobody.”</p><p>“Cody,” he says sternly, “I am not fucking playing with you right now. You’d better tell me who the fuck did this to you or I’m just going to start beating the fuck out of everybody on the football field out back.”</p><p>He looks away from him and Noel grabs his face, turning him to look at him, “hey, look at me. This is my job, alright? I told you I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt you and now someone has so you need to tell me who did it so I can make this right.”</p><p>He frowns and shakes his head, “it's my fault. They wanted..."</p><p>"What? What did they want from you?"</p><p>"It doesn't matter. They saw my shoes."</p><p>“Who saw your shoes?”</p><p>“Jake,” he says, “and Gabe.”</p><p>“Those morons still fuck with you? After I broke Gabe’s nose?”</p><p>He nods and he throws his arm around Cody, “come with me.”</p><p>They head to the back of the school where the football team is finishing up their practice. When Jake and Gabe leave the field they’re walking towards the school. Noel gives a wave, “come here, I wanna show you guys something.”</p><p>“What,” Jake asks. </p><p>Cody stays behind Noel until Noel looks to the side, “just trust me.”</p><p>They follow him and he moves Cody to walk in front of him. When they get to the far side of the school Noel stands five feet away from them. When they’re all standing there Noel smiles and they give him a look as Jake talks, “well, what do <em>you</em> want?”</p><p>Noel moves Cody behind and takes a few steps forward, “I just wanted to get you off school property.”</p><p>He pulls his fist back and throws it, letting it collide into Jake’s jaw, making him stumble back before falling on his ass and ending up on his back. Gabe goes wide eyed, “woah, dude, calm down. What the fuck?’</p><p>“What the fuck,” Jake asks, touching his face as he moves to sit up.</p><p>Noel sits on top of him and pulls back his arm throwing another punch to his face, busting his nose. Gabe goes to pull him off but he manages to hit him in the throat and get him in the jaw, “thought I fucking told you if you ever laid a hand on Cody again you were fucking dead.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” </p><p>“He fucking told me all about it and I saw the bruises. You’re twice his size, piece of shit. You like going around picking on little guys? I'm little, bitch, why don't you pick on me?”</p><p>“Dude, just get off him,” Gabe says. </p><p>He gets off him and hits Gabe’s stomach making him drop to his knees before he strikes him again, making sure to give him a mark on his cheek that’d match Cody’s. He groans and grabs Jake by his jersey, “where are his fucking shoes?”</p><p>“They’re in my locker,” Jake says. </p><p>“What number?”</p><p>“Four seventy-three.”</p><p>“What’s the combination?”</p><p>“Thirteen, twenty-six, fifteen.”</p><p>“If you’re fucking with me and I go to that locker and I don’t get those shoes I will find you tomorrow and beat your ass. And I will find you every single day and kick the shit out of you until I get them back.”</p><p>“They’re in the locker, go get them. We didn’t do anything to them, we just took them off his feet.”</p><p>He nods and grips his shirt tighter, “if you put a hand on him again, if you even think about hurting him, I will make your life a living hell. You think I’ll stop when high school ends? No. I’ll follow you around after high school to beat the hell out of you whenever I want. I will make sure you don’t know when it’s coming. I will have you terrified to go outside. Do you understand me?”</p><p>He nods, “yeah, man.”</p><p>“And you,” he says to Gabe, “don’t think you’re safe, you’ll get the same treatment as him.”</p><p>He throws an arm around Cody, “now, apologize to him.”</p><p>He looks from Noel to Cody before shaking his head and mumbling, “sorry.”</p><p>“No,” Noel says, “you say ‘I’m sorry.’”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he says louder to Cody.</p><p>“Now you,” he says. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jake says. </p><p>“It’s fine,” Cody says. </p><p>“No. It’s not fine. And tell your dumbass friends the next person who messes with him is getting a busted fucking lip from me. You got that?”</p><p>They don’t meet his eyes but nod. Noel tugs at Cody’s sleeve, “come on. Let’s go get your shoes. And you two had better hope they’re not fucked up.”</p><p>Cody follows behind him before speaking quietly, “you didn’t have to do that. I could have handled that on my own.”</p><p>“No you couldn’t have,” he says.</p><p>“I could have,” he insists.</p><p>He turns, seeing Cody frowning before he puts his hand in the soft hair, “you’re right. You could have. I just didn’t want you to have to.”</p><p>“You worry about me too much.”</p><p>He smiles, dropping his hand to his cheek and pinching it, “just didn’t wanna see anything happen to that pretty face.”</p><p>He smacks his hand away with a smile, “shut up. I’m not <em>pretty.</em> Guys can’t be <em>pretty,</em> they’re <em>handsome.</em>”</p><p>He opens the locker grabbing Cody’s shoes and handing them to him, “you’re not handsome. You’re a pretty boy.”</p><p>He smiles and sits on the floor, taking off his gym shoes, “whatever. I’m putting my shoes back on.”</p><p>He slips his feet into each shoe and ties one while Noel kneels in front of him, tying the other. He smiles and laces up his shoe, double knotting it the way Noel used to do for him. When he finishes Noel’s still going slow. Cody crosses his arms over his chest and Noel’s pulling the bow tight, looking up at him. Cody’s pulling his lips together small to try not to smile, “you always take forever when you tie my shoes for me.”</p><p>“Just wanna make sure you remember how to do it,” he says, double knotting it.</p><p>Cody nods, “I know how to tie my own shoes now. I’m not five.”</p><p>Noel notices how close they are and Cody smiles, “but thank you.”</p><p>“No problem,” he says. </p><p>They look at each other for a long time and Noel thinks maybe they’re having a moment. He leans in slightly, seeing the eyelash under his eye. His hand comes up to his cheek thumb brushing over it as he watches Cody’s eyes close. They stay closed and he wonders if he should kiss him right now. He leans in, lips ghosting over his and Cody’s lips are right there. Just a centimetre away and he can be kissing him. If he moves just a little closer he can feel Cody’s mouth on his again. Cody’s eyes stay closed and he looks over his face before pulling back and holding his thumb out in front of him, “you had an eyelash.”</p><p>He opens his eyes and looks at his hand, “oh.”</p><p>“Make a wish,” he says. </p><p>Cody gives a small smile before taking a breath in and blowing it away, watching the lash disappear. Noel goes to speak but Cody’s getting up, “we should get home.”</p><p>“Wanna come over to my place? We can play some Mortal Kombat.”</p><p>He shakes his head, “um, I can’t. I’ve got a thing with my dad later today.”</p><p>“Okay, well, let me walk you home.”</p><p>“Um, I kind of feel like walking alone today.”</p><p>“We always walk home together.”</p><p>“Not today,” he says, “tomorrow though for sure.”</p><p>“Are you mad at me? Because of Jake and Gabe?”</p><p>“No. I’m not,” he says, “thank you for getting my shoes back for me.”</p><p>“You’re my…” he trails off, unsure what to call Cody at this point.</p><p>“If you say I’m your girl because I like glitter I’ll kill you,” he says with a hint of a smile.</p><p>He gives a laugh and shrugs, “you are though aren’t you? I always protect you and you’re clingy.”</p><p>He walks over to him hugging him, “thanks for getting my shoes back and possibly hurting your hands for me.”</p><p>“You’re my girl,” he says. </p><p>“Then I’ll give you what your girl would give you as a reward.”</p><p>“What’s that?” </p><p>He pulls back and Cody cups his face, kissing him hard. Before Noel can move his lips Cody’s pulling back with a smug smile, “bitch.”</p><p>Before he can speak Cody’s taking off running and Noel’s more aware that he’s just standing there, “you think you can do that and just run off?”</p><p>“You can get me back if you catch me,” he shouts.</p><p>And Noel’s never ran so fast in his life. Cody gets to the gate of his house and closes it tight, panting as he leans against it with a smile, “looks like I win.”</p><p>He catches his breath, leaning against the gate, “looks like it.”</p><p>“Better luck next time, Noe,” he smiles, reaching through the bars and patting his cheek before heading inside.</p><p>He stares after him, sighing as he watches the door close, “yeah. Maybe I’ll catch you next time.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>It’s October when someone says something to Cody again. Study hall moved to the gym so everyone could play dodge ball and after working up a sweat they’d been allowed to shower. He’d never really seen anyone give Cody a hard time, nobody had ever been dumb enough to try anything in front of him. He had only ever heard about bullying later after it’d happened when Cody was alone. So when he heard someone speak up in the locker room he felt even more protective than usual.</p><p>He was changing clothes when he heard them. It wasn’t the beginning of the conversation but the sound of the locker closing hard and the volume of Cody’s voice getting a bit louder and sounding defensive caught his attention, “I’m not looking at anything. I was just getting dressed.”</p><p>“Oh really,” the other boy asks, “cause it looked like you were checking out Noel.”</p><p><em>Chase,</em> Noel registers the voice, <em>great. Here we fucking go.</em> Noel looks over his shoulder seeing how everyone had shifted their attention to either him or Cody. The younger boy shakes his head, “I didn’t. I wasn’t! I didn’t look.”</p><p>“You like looking at guys a lot? Does that mean you like sucking dick, Chodey,” he asks, pinching Cody’s cheek hard.</p><p>He smacks Chase’s hand away and stands there, silently frozen in place until Noel speaks up, “not as much as your mom does. Isn’t your mom blowing your mailman?”</p><p>There are a few laughs throughout the room and Cody looks to him as Noel pulls his shirt on and towels his hair dry with one hand, “or wait, was it the gardener? No, the pool boy, right? No! Wait. I remember now.”</p><p>He smiles and closes his locker, “it was all three!”</p><p>The other boys chuckle but Cody stays completely silent and covers his mouth to avoid laughing. He makes his way over to them, tossing the towel down on a bench, “hey, maybe if Cody decides he wants to suck dick your mom could give him some pointers. Why don’t you give us her number? Does she like younger guys?”</p><p>“Fuck you,” Chase spits while everyone else laughs.</p><p>Noel lets out a breath of laughter, “I think I’ve made it pretty clear I’m interested in your mom.”</p><p>“My mom doesn’t fuck short guys.”</p><p>“Oh, really? Huh, maybe I’ll have to ask if I can wear her high heels when I fuck her next time,” he shrugs, “but being short makes it so much easier to go down on her.”</p><p>Cody’s face turns red from holding in laughter and soon Chase grabs him by the shirt with a growl, “easy, kiddo. You don’t want to get into a fight with your future stepdad, do you?”</p><p>He lifts the front of his shirt up but Noel stays on the ground. He gives a laugh, “look, Chase, I know I can’t replace your father and I’d never try to. And don’t worry, you don’t have to call me Daddy. Your mom does plenty of that anyway.”</p><p>The other students start oohing while others laugh, but Chase doesn’t find it funny, “I’ll kill you!”</p><p>“Fine by me,” he says, “that’ll send you to juvie and your mom will have a little more than just time on her hands.”</p><p>He mimes a hand job and the second Chase pulls back his fist he gets in his face, “what are you gonna do? Huh? Gonna hit me? Holding that hand up in my face like that, I’m not your mom, I’m not interested in being fisted.”</p><p>Noel grips Chase's wrist making him let go of his shirt and turn to Cody. Noel puts his hand on the back of Chase’s neck and leans in, “all joking aside, I will tell you one thing. You lay a hand on him again, I’ll bust your fucking nose against that locker and smash your head into the goddamn floor.”</p><p>His grip on Chase’s neck tightens and Cody shakes his head. Noel ignores him, “there’s plenty of people in this room who’d watch me beat your ass before they’d go get a teacher. I’d probably have five whole minutes and believe me, you’d be surprised what someone can do to a person in five minutes. Especially when the person beating your ass regularly boxes.”</p><p>The room is quiet and tense until Cody makes his way over to him and lowers his voice, “just let go of him, okay? It’s fine.”</p><p>“No it’s not,” he says, keeping his voice clear enough for everyone in the room, “it’s not okay for him to say shit like that to you and put his hands on you.”</p><p>“Look at me,” he says gently.</p><p>Noel doesn’t turn until Cody speaks up a little louder, “look at me!”</p><p>He turns to him and Cody gestures to himself, “I’m fucking fine. He barely touched me. Look, no bruises, no marks. Nothing, he just pinched my cheek.”</p><p>He notes that Cody doesn’t have any marks on him and nods, letting go as the bell rings. Cody shoves his shoulder when a few people leave the room, “you don’t always have to prove you’re the toughest guy in the room, you know.”</p><p>“Yes I do.”</p><p>“No you don’t. You might not be as tall as them but you’re ten times more intimidating,” he says, “no one wants to fuck with you so just quit trying to start something all the time with everybody.”</p><p>“He called you <em>Chodey.</em>”</p><p>He shrugs, “a boring and unoriginal nickname. Doesn’t bother me.”</p><p>He lets out a breath of laughter, “he would have probably hurt you if I weren’t here.”</p><p>“No one hurts me. Not anymore. They all know what’ll happen if they try something with me. None of them want a fight with you. It’s fine if they talk shit,” he says, “it doesn’t bother me.”</p><p>“It bothers <em>me,</em>” he says when everyone leaves the room and it’s just them, “you’re too good. You’ve never hurt a single person in this school. You don’t deserve to have someone talk shit about you like that.”</p><p>“I’m happy that you’re willing to stand up for me and I appreciate it and I appreciate you, but you don't always need to act so tough for me. I'm glad you do sometimes though, you’re a really good friend, Noe.”</p><p>“Don’t call me Noe all soft like that, someone might think you’ve got a crush on me.”</p><p>Cody gives a laugh and wraps his arms around Noel’s waist, resting his head on his shoulder, “makes sense if I did, right? Since I’m your girl.”</p><p>“Shut up,” he laughs and pushes his hand through Cody’s hair as he pulls from his shoulder, watching his eyes sparkle and his gaze go soft when he looks at him, “you act like one.”</p><p>“But you don’t care though, do you?”</p><p>“No,” he says, “I don’t care. It’s cute.”</p><p>Cody’s hands slide up and his arms wrap around his neck, “you think I’m cute?”</p><p>He slides an arm around his waist and moves a hand up to pull his hair from the back. He lets out a soft noise that Noel’s probably going to think about later before Cody’s letting out a laugh, “what? Wanna make out with your girl while we’re all alone together?”</p><p>He leans in, kissing him hard and startling Cody. The blond stiffens but soon relaxes against him. It’s short and when he pulls Cody from his mouth by his hair he knows he’s going to dream of Cody’s spit slicked mouth open and his dazed expression for weeks. His eyes drop to his mouth, “I was kidding.”</p><p>“Just wanted to get you back for getting me last time,” Noel says, pressing his forehead to his with a smirk, “bitch.”</p><p>Cody lets out a laugh and Noel’s fingers let go, “hurry up and get dressed I’ll walk you to class.”</p><p>And Cody does as he says while Noel waits patiently and pretends like he’s not watching the way the waistband of his jeans slide up his thighs and ass. When Cody’s dressed, Noel throws an arm around his shoulder while using his other hand to adjust his jeans and, if Cody noticed, he didn’t say anything to him about it and Noel was grateful for that. They walk to Cody’s classroom together and while the other boy is talking to him about something he’s busy paying attention to the looks people give him and Cody. He takes his arm off him and guides him with a hand near the top of his back. Cody turns his head, “so, you wanna do it with me?”</p><p>He turns to him quickly when they get to the door, “w-what?”</p><p>His face heats up and he’s more aware of the erection in his jeans that he moves his shirt down a little more to cover without anyone noticing. Cody smiles, “do you wanna come to the arcade with me this weekend? You’ve always been good at the claw machine and I really want this necklace.”</p><p>He raises his brows momentarily before sighing, “oh. Right. Uh, why the fuck do you want a stupid ass necklace?”</p><p>“Because it looks like the one Ryan wears in The O.C. obviously. Were you even paying attention to me when I was talking to you all the way here?”</p><p>“Of course I was,” he says gesturing with his hands, “I’m just confused as to why you want it. Your favorite character is Seth. Why do you suddenly want this?”</p><p>“You know my favorite character is Seth? You do pay attention when I talk to you!”</p><p>“Of course I pay attention. You made me watch it with you,” he says, “fucking hate it.”</p><p>“That’s not true! You love watching The O.C. with me!”</p><p>He goes wide eyed looking around, “dude, keep your fucking voice down, you-”</p><p>“You love Julie Cooper, she’s your favorite character!”</p><p>“Everybody loves Julie Cooper,” he explains, “she’s one of the best characters in the show! Look, just...I’ll get you the stupid necklace. Just stop talking about the show, please?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Hey, uh, your birthday’s coming up, what do you want this year?”</p><p>“You don’t have to get me anything.”</p><p>“Shut up,” he says, “I’ve got money. Just tell me what you want and I’ll get it for you.”</p><p>“Anything I want?”</p><p>“Anything you want,” he smiles.</p><p>“What if I want you to do something.”</p><p>“Then I’ll do something.”</p><p>“Will you do anything,” he smiles, moving closer.</p><p>“Uh...yeah, sure, anything you want.”</p><p>“What about that one thing I’ve always wanted to do with you,” he asks, patiently waiting for an answer, “will you do that with me?”</p><p>“That one thing? What one thi—oh! Oh no. Oh no, no, no, come on. Not that.”</p><p>“Please,” asks, pushing out his lower lip to pout, “just for my birthday?”</p><p>“That’s what you want? That’s <em>really</em> what you want from me?”</p><p>He nods, beaming at him, “please?”</p><p>“Can’t I just spend money on you or something?”</p><p>“No,” he says, “but you can spend some time seeing Mamma Mia with me. My parents are buying the tickets for my birthday.”</p><p>“Cody, music from the 80s makes me wanna kill myself, wouldn’t you rather me just get you a physical gift?”</p><p>“Please? Please suffer for me for one day? I <em>really</em> wanna go see it live!”</p><p>“You know what,” Noel says, “I should get to class, the bell’s going to ring soon. Wouldn’t want to be late.”</p><p>He leaves Cody’s side but his arm is grabbed by him and he’s given an even sadder look, “please? I’d do it for you!”</p><p>He takes in a deep breath before sighing and Cody looks hopeful until he speaks, “can’t you see it with anyone else?”</p><p>“I thought you’d wanna go with me,” he frowns, “but I guess I can just go see it with Devon, he said he wouldn’t mind going with me.”</p><p><em>Of course he did,</em> he thinks as Cody’s grip on his arm loosens and he lets go.</p><p>“Alright, fine.”</p><p>“Fine?”</p><p>“I’ll go see your stupid musical with you but we are <em>never</em> gonna see it a second time.”</p><p>“Really?!”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, “I’ll go with you just this once.”</p><p>He throws his arms around him, “thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best.”</p><p>“I know,” he smiles, hugging back gently, “now go to class and do not mention this to Spock or anyone else. I don’t want people thinking I’m soft.”</p><p>Cody presses his body tighter against him and he tenses when he pulls back and smiles, “believe me, no one thinks you’re soft. You’re hard! Really hard.”</p><p>His face flushes and Cody gives him a wave as he rushes into class with a quick bye. Noel adjusts his jeans and heads to class, rubbing the back of his neck,<em> god. If you only fucking knew.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Noel doesn't like seeing his friend with girls and Cody wants to talk about it while Noel just wants to hang out in a tub.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Noel didn’t like sophomore year. He wasn’t getting taller and girls were wondering why he wasn’t that interested in them and why they weren’t good enough to be with him anymore, making him feel obligated to be with them. He dates them but doesn’t really pay too much attention to them. He still hates parties but Cody loves going and Noel likes seeing him happy. He mostly just smokes weed and watches Cody get a little too drunk and hang all over him. He befriended some older kids who could get him good stuff for Cody. And Cody seemed happy.</p><p>Noel can feel himself getting closer to Cody, closer than he thinks is appropriate for two guys to get. So Noel gets a girlfriend, a serious girlfriend. Her name’s Brianna and she’s pretty and kind of nice and he stays with her, kisses her, compliments her, does whatever he needs to do to keep her close without getting too close to her. He gets used to having her around and makes time for her, but never leaves what he’s doing with Cody for her. Cody asks about his girlfriend a lot and it makes him feel good, it makes him feel like Cody’s paying attention to him. But then Cody’s not paying attention to him. </p><p>Cody meets Kara and she’s nice and cute and Cody’s head over heels for Kara. He can tell why he likes her too, she’s pretty and smart and has common interests with Cody and she liked him for him. When he and Cody are alone he listens to him sound lovesick and into her and listens to him talk about how great she is and Noel can’t take it. The next day he heads over to her, chatting her up and telling her how beautiful she is. He figures out what she wants to hear and tells her it, holding her cheek. He makes her laugh and she leans up and kisses him. Noel doesn’t close his eyes, he looks past her seeing Cody and the sheer heartbreak is enough to make him feel better.</p><p>He starts dating her and apologizes to Cody telling him how hard it was seeing her with him while he was in love with her and Cody wasn’t even mad. He wasn’t upset, in fact he forgave him and understood completely and things went on. Cody forgave him every time he did it and eventually he just stopped dating girls altogether. It wasn’t until they were at a party that Cody finally brought it up. Noel’d been drinking because he needed something strong to keep him from thinking about having to spend time with his girlfriend. When Cody showed up he was drinking along with him and it was fun. When they spot a guy in their class getting reprimanded by his girlfriend, Cody nudges him, using his head to gesture towards them, "you hear about Bethany and Steven?"</p><p>"No," he shakes his head, waiting for them to leave before turning to ask, "what about them?"</p><p>"I heard from Brian that she showed him her nipple."</p><p>His eyebrows come together as his eyes narrow at him, "that's not that weird. I guess I could see her doing something like that, maybe."</p><p>"No," he says, widening his eyes at him, "her <em>third</em> nipple."</p><p>"No fucking way," he says, "she <em>does not</em> have a third nipple. Brian's a fucking liar, dude."</p><p>"Yeah, obviously, but what if this is like the one time he's not lying?"</p><p>"Dude, if she had a third nipple we'd know. People would be confirming it and everything, the other girls in our grade who're in here gym class would know. She'd have to change in front of them. It's just a rumor going around."</p><p>"But has she denied it yet," Cody asks, cocking his head and giving him a questioning look.</p><p>"I don't know, I haven't heard anything!"</p><p>"Exactly, bro. <em>Third. Nipple.</em>"</p><p>"You have to stop listening to Brian. She doesn't have a third nipple, she's like a hardcore Mormon or Christian or something. I forget. It's more likely she has no nipples or any sexual parts on her body. Probably like a Barbie doll or something, you know?"</p><p>"I guess we'll never know. Unless you date her or something."</p><p>"No way, she's saving herself for marriage."</p><p>"What's wrong with that?"</p><p>"Nothing," he says, "I'm just not interested in only doing anal with chicks."</p><p>He laughs, "she doesn't do anal."</p><p>"As far as you know," he says, "it's technically not against her religion."</p><p>"I thought the bible said no anal."</p><p>"Yeah for dudes or some shit," he jokes, "god said no murder and no anal for dudes."</p><p>He lets out a breath of laughter, "wow, you really know your stuff. What'd he say about everything else?"</p><p>"He said no premarital sex but sloppy toppy and hand jobs are on the table," he nods.</p><p>"That! That shit you just said is why Bethany and Kristen hate you," he points out.</p><p>"Kristen? Thought her name was Brithany," he says, turning to him. </p><p>He shakes his head, "that's just what you call her when you can't remember her name. Also she's the one you should remember. She's less annoying, probably wants to sleep with you, and is more likely to violate her religion for you."</p><p>"Can you blame her," he asks, smirking at him. </p><p>"That reminds me, can I talk to you about something? It’s really important.”</p><p>They’re both a little tipsy but they manage to find the girl who owns the party’s parents’s room. Marina? Aleena? He doesn't remember but he knows he's friends with her girlfriend. The bathroom was big, but the tub was huge and Noel was loving it, “look how fucking big this thing is.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s huge.” </p><p>“Let’s take a bath,” he suggests, taking off his shirt.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>He turns the hot water on and pours nearly half the bottle of expensive soap into the rushing water, watching the bubbles form. Cody walks over to him, “what if we get in trouble?”</p><p>He laughs, “for a bath? No fucking way we’re getting in trouble for that shit.”</p><p>The water and bubbles get higher and Noel pours some more soap in watching the bubbles get bigger. When the tub is full Noel’s stripping down, “come on.”</p><p>Cody pulls off his shirt, tossing it and watching him. He pulls off his underwear and Cody stops, “wh—you want us to get naked?”</p><p>“It’s a fucking bath,” he tells him as he gets in, “not ruining my underwear. I gotta go home in it.”</p><p>Cody gives a nod and eventually takes his underwear off, covering himself as he gets in. Noel relaxes in the water and he can feel Cody just staring at him. He lifts his head, “what’d you wanna talk about?”</p><p>“My girlfriends,” he tells him. </p><p>“You get a new one?”</p><p>“No. I just wanted to tell you I don’t want you to talk to them anymore.”</p><p>He laughs, “what?”</p><p>“I’m tired of you stealing them from me. And if you keep doing it then I don’t think we can be friends.”</p><p>He gives him a nod and makes his way over to him, liking how cute Cody can get when he’s serious about something. He tenses and sinks down as he makes his way over and Noel softens his face, “okay.”</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, okay. I wont take them from you anymore,” he nods, “if you do something for me.”</p><p>He smiles, “yeah, sure, anything.”</p><p>“Kiss me.”</p><p>Cody looks at him like a deer in headlights and Noel regrets saying that. His voice comes out nervous when he talks to him, “what?”</p><p>He looks over his face and can tell Cody’s not into it. He gives a laugh, hoping it sounded okay and smiles, “I’m just kidding.”</p><p>He heads back to the other side of the tub, feeling stupid. Cody lets out a nervous laugh and Noel’s uncomfortable with the fact that he’s making Cody uncomfortable, “yeah. Right. Obviously.”</p><p>He watches Cody sink lower into the water and he feels weird, Cody sinking lower, hiding more of his body from Noel’s view. Did he really think Noel was creepy after that? Cody’s talking to him, “actually, I don’t think I’ve really kissed anyone but you that time in freshman year and that one time at the party. Do you remember?” </p><p>
  <em>How could I forget?</em>
</p><p>“Barely,” he tells him, looking away so he doesn’t have to remember how he could have done more than just kiss with Cody, “I only remember wanting to leave.”</p><p>Cody heads towards him, “we were in a bathroom. You don’t remember? I told you I didn’t want to leave until I kissed someone and then you kissed me.”</p><p>“I don’t remember that,” he lies, “probably smoked too much or something.”</p><p>
  <em>Nothing could make me forget how right that felt.</em>
</p><p>Cody moves closer touching Noel’s legs that were at the bottom of the tub as he spoke softer, “what if I refreshed your memory?”</p><p>
  <em>This is not happening. Cody is not touching me and offering to kiss me again.</em>
</p><p>His full attention on Cody, he’s swallowing hard and Cody’s sitting himself in his lap. It’s different but he likes it, loves it and the way he’s touching Cody like this is enough to make his face burn red. Noel wants nothing more than to kiss him but if he moves he might get hard and that’s not something he wants, not in front of Cody. This isn’t real, Cody’s just joking and if he gets hard he’ll look like the gay one. He’s aware of his fast breathing and Cody’s hands find his shoulders, holding them and he wants this. He leans in, mouth getting closer, but Noel raises his hand and stops him. He can’t do this, he has to get him away from him <em>now,</em> “what are you doing?”</p><p>And Cody looks embarrassed, pulling from him and shaking his head as he backs away, “nothing.”</p><p>“You were…” he trails off realizing he’s breathing too fast as he gestures to him, “you were actually gonna kiss me!”</p><p>“I wasn’t,” he says, “I wasn’t going to! I was just kidding.”</p><p>
  <em>Just kidding.</em>
</p><p>Those words send a shock feeling down through him, <em>of course he was kidding. Of course he wasn’t serious, why would he be?</em> His hand drops between his legs and when Cody’s back on the other side he mirrors him. He shakes his head at Cody, “that’s not funny.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s late. We should go home.”</p><p>He’s out, drying himself off so fast and pulling his clothes on before Cody does. He doesn’t look at Cody, if he does he doesn’t know what he’ll do. The drunken buzz he had feels gone with each step he takes. The walk home feels like it takes longer than usual. The air is thick with tension and Noel wonders if Cody’s upset with him, if he felt him get hard when he was on his lap. How can he explain that to him? <em>Dude, everything makes me like that right now. I get like eight boners a day.</em> Something that would defuse the weird air. It’s dark outside but Cody isn’t clinging to him like he normally does. He thinks maybe Cody got over his fears but can tell he’s jumping at every noise. Noel reaches out and pulls him closer, annoyed that he wont just cling to him like he normally does at a time like this. Was that situation really all it took to kill their friendship? Did he ruin it?</p><p>Cody’s hands reach out and wrap around his arm when they walk faster and he feels better. Cody’s not mad at him for the whole thing and he’s clinging to him like he still needs him. They don’t say anything while they walk, he wouldn’t know what to say anyway. They get inside and change into their pajamas and skip playing video games and just get in bed. They lay side by side in silence until Cody’s the first to speak, “you’re not gonna tell anyone about that, are you? It really was just a joke.”</p><p>
  <em>Just a joke.</em>
</p><p>That hits him hard, but he pretends it doesn’t hurt, “no, I’m not gonna tell anyone.”</p><p>“Are you mad at me?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>And Noel feels his eyes water slightly. He doesn’t think he should be crying, Cody doesn’t want to tell anyone which means he didn’t feel the erection he had. And he didn’t want anyone to know about that. That should be a good thing, shouldn’t it? Cody wanting to hide everything should make him feel better shouldn’t it? And Cody speaks up, “we’re still friends aren’t we, Noe?”</p><p>“Yeah, Cody, we’re still friends,” he says rolling over and turning to face the wall.</p><p>It isn’t until he hears sniffling that Noel wipes the small bit of tears in his eyes before turning to him, “are you crying?”</p><p>“No,” he says, clearly crying.</p><p>He rolls his eyes and Cody turns away towards the wall. He’s hesitant to touch him but he soon puts his arms around him and rests his forehead on the back of his neck, “stop crying and go to sleep.”</p><p>Cody wipes his eyes, “I thought you said we can’t sleep like this anymore.”</p><p>“Shut up and get some sleep,” he tells him.</p><p>He pulls the blanket over Cody’s shoulder when he squeezes the pillow to his chest. He holds Cody closer and it’s nice, makes him feel like they’re in middle school again. Cody cries until he’s asleep and Noel doesn’t sleep until he knows Cody’s fine. When he’s sure he’s asleep he moves his head, breathing Cody in and feeling him in his arms. He doesn’t care that his arm’ll go numb by morning, he just wants to know Cody’s here right now. And once his eyes get heavy he falls asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Noel doesn't like the way Cody's starting to look at Devon.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Junior year is different for him, more girls he feels he has to pretend to like. He doesn’t sleep with them though, he doesn’t want to, but he does what he has to to keep up his reputation. If they want him to touch them he will in whatever way they want. They go down on him but he doesn’t picture them while they do it, he never does. He wont have sex with them, not even when they hint at it. The thought doesn’t disgust him, he’d just rather be having sex with someone else. One person in particular. </p><p>Parties are different for Noel now, he never drinks anymore, not unless he’s asked or something. He smokes though, way more than he probably should, but it makes him feel better and he can monitor Cody’s drinking, make sure he doesn’t fall or tell anyone anything that’ll embarrass himself later. Cody doesn’t look at girls and Noel wonders if Cody’s still mad about him taking them from him. He assumes he is because Cody doesn’t want a girlfriend, tells him he doesn’t need one. </p><p>Gym class is easy, Noel’s eyes don’t touch anyone’s body but Cody’s and Cody’s locker is in the corner far from his view. There’s no chance for him to pop a boner unless Cody walks over to him naked which he’d never do. There’s one downside to the lockers and that’s that Devon’s is right next to Cody’s. It’s weird and he doesn’t like it and he doesn’t like how close Devon is to Cody. They sit together when he sits with his girlfriends and his friends but his eyes are almost always on Cody, checking on him, making sure Devon keeps his hands to himself. But Devon’s a touchy guy, Noel hates touchy guys, but he hates them more when they’re around Cody. </p><p>He’s at the park when he finds out they hang out without him. He’s got his headphones up, thinking about breaking up with his girlfriend, it was about that time. Then he could be single for a few weeks and hang out with Cody. When he walks towards his car he sees Cody walking beside Devon towards the playground. They stop when they see him and he speaks first, “what’s up? I didn’t know you’d be here.”</p><p>Devon speaks for them, “we just came here to hang out, talk on the swings or something.”</p><p>
  <em>Or something?</em>
</p><p>He doesn’t like the ‘or something’ and he turns to Cody, “thought you were busy with homework.”</p><p>“I was,” he nods, “but Devon came over and helped me with it and asked if I wanted to hang out.”</p><p>
  <em>Of course he did.</em>
</p><p>“Right,” he nods.</p><p>“Wanna come swing with us,” Cody asks.</p><p>And normally he’d take the offer but he doesn’t want to make the situation tense which he knows he’s got a habit of doing when it comes to Cody.</p><p>“Nah,” he says, “I gotta get home. I’ve got <em>homework</em> to do.”</p><p>He says it a little harshly and walks away from him, pulling the headphones on and he feels like shit. He couldn’t tell if Cody was serious or if he just wanted to hang out with Devon today. It makes him feel weird. He doesn’t like Devon, though he’s sure Cody can tell. Devon’s bigger than him still, blonder, and taller. Sometimes Noel hopes Cody isn’t attracted to guys the way he’s attracted to him because if he is he knows he would never be Cody’s first pick. Devon’s nice and makes Cody laugh and it hurts seeing him so close, especially when he knows Devon almost kissed Cody on the ferris wheel a few years ago. He feels inadequate when he stands near Devon, he feels less than whenever Cody looks between them. He hates Devon because he can’t find a reason to hate Devon. There’s nothing he’s done that would make him hate him apart from being nice to Cody.</p><p>The next time he sees Cody he can’t stop asking about Devon. <em>Does he drive? Is he nice? How long have you two been friends again? Does he like the same video games as us?</em> But he’s just building himself up to ask the real question and he hopes Cody can’t tell that’s what he’s doing. They’re playing video games and when Cody’s properly distracted he asks, “did you ever find out if he was gonna kiss you that day on the ferris wheel?”</p><p>And Cody’s character dies as he turns to him, “w-what?”</p><p>“You said you couldn’t tell if he was gonna kiss you on the ferris wheel that time. Did you ever find out if he was going to?”</p><p>Cody gives a laugh and shakes his head, “no, I—we never talk about that.”</p><p>
  <em>Never?</em>
</p><p>And that makes him feel good but he has to know, “you should ask him, bet he wants to.”</p><p>Cody doesn’t say anything to that but instead changes the subject, “we have to go the other way or we’re never going to get the crystal.”</p><p>And they go back to not talking and playing the game. Noel doesn’t forget about it though and when they’re back at school he overhears him talking to someone in the locker room, “do you remember when we got on the ferris wheel and we got stuck at the top?”</p><p>“How could I forget,” Devon says, “you’re terrified of heights. I had to make you look at me just so you wouldn’t freak out.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Why’s that weird?</p><p>“No, well, it’s not but...I don’t know. I don’t know,” he tells him, “for some reason when you did that I thought…”</p><p>And Noel moves closer staying out of sight, but looking at them both.</p><p>“You thought what,” Devon turns to him.</p><p>“I thought you were gonna kiss me.”</p><p>Cody looks nervous and Devon’s smile falls as he turns away giving a nervous laugh. Cody forces a laugh back, “I know. I don’t know why I would have thought that.”</p><p>He opens his locker, probably to hide his embarrassment and Noel realizes Cody <em>likes</em> Devon. Devon turns to the locker looking like he’s wishing he could see past the metal door, “would you have kissed me back? If I did kiss you then?”</p><p>And Noel feels like his heart is being squeezed tight watching them. Cody closes the locker and Devon’s closer, leaning down while Cody’s playing with his fingers the way he does when he’s nervous. He looks up at him with that doe eyed look he thought was reserved only for him. He looks between Devon’s mouth and his eyes and Noel walks forward, not being able to handle the thought of Cody and Devon kissing, “what are you two doing?”</p><p>Cody jumps back, turning towards him and shaking his head as if he’s about to explain. But Devon speaks instead, “Cody was just trying to tell me if I had something in my eye or not.”</p><p>He nods, quickly agreeing to that story, “it was just an eyelash.”</p><p>“Right,” he says, “Cody?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he asks, not being able to tear his eyes from Devon whose face looks almost sunburnt with how red he is. </p><p>“Wanna go out,” he asks. </p><p>And that’s enough to get him to stop looking at Devon, “what?”</p><p>“For lunch,” he tells him, not sure why he phrased it like that, “I’m probably gonna get some food and eat at the park. You coming with me or are you staying here and eating?”</p><p>The words ‘with Devon’ go unsaid, but he can tell Cody knows they’re there. Cody looks to Devon who doesn’t say anything and Noel finds himself annoyed, rolling his eyes as he sighs, “well, if you’re coming we gotta leave now. We’ve only got an hour.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he nods, “yeah, I’m coming.” </p><p>And Noel feels relief as he sees Cody grab his bag and throw it over his shoulder looking to Devon, “I’ll see you in class later?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says waving. </p><p>Noel throws an arm around him, guiding him out but feeling overjoyed Cody didn't stay with Devon. He looks over his shoulder at the blond who’s staring after them before turning back, “what was that all about?”</p><p>“It was nothing,” he says.</p><p>And it wasn’t, clearly it wasn’t, but he pretends he doesn’t know, “alright. Well, what food are you in the mood for?”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter.”</p><p>It does, it always matters, Cody got specific tastes and doesn’t do ‘it doesn’t matter’ he’s not that kind of guy. He drives by the restaurants and whichever one Cody looks at the longest he knows that’s where he wants to eat. They get Mexican food and skip the park, going straight to Cody’s house. Cody told him about a documentary and they watch it while they eat their food. It’s over thirty minutes long, they wont have time to watch it all but they will if they skip school. Cody’s watching the TV but looks distracted and hasn’t eaten much. He speaks up, knowing what’s on his mind, “is there something going on between you and Devon?”</p><p>He looks to him before shaking his head, “no, we’re just friends.”</p><p>“Your <em>friend</em> looked like he was gonna kiss you earlier,” he tells him, picking at his food before he gets the courage to ask the real question, “were you gonna let him?”</p><p>“Would it bother you if I said I was,” Cody asks, not looking at him. </p><p>And something about his tone seems like he genuinely wants to know, he wants to know, wants his approval. Like if he says it’s fine then Cody’ll go ask Devon to put his tongue down his throat. He doesn’t say it’s fine or it’s not fine, he just reaches over and puts a hand in his hair, “just don’t get caught doing anything in school.”</p><p>He didn’t know if Cody would get bullied for coming out, he didn’t know if things would be fine, but he wanted Cody to know he’d take care of him if he did come out. Cody stops eating and turns to him as he removes his hand, “what if I do get caught?”</p><p>
  <em>Caught? What would he get caught doing? Kissing? Touching? More? With Who? Devon? Is he asking me what would happen if he gets caught fucking around with Devon?</em>
</p><p>And it’s weird, it feels weird but he turns to him and smiles, “I told you, I’ll keep you safe.”</p><p>
  <em>No matter who you choose.</em>
</p><p>He smiles, "thanks."</p><p>"You don't have to thank me, I promised when we were kids I'd take care of you."</p><p>"I know. But most people don't keep their promises so it's nice when someone does."</p><p>He turns, seeing Cody's eyes a little watery. He smiles, "you're not gonna go crying are you?"</p><p>He wipes his eyes, "not crying."</p><p>"Baby," he says, reaching over and ruffling his hair as Cody pushes his hand away, "how's your day been so far?"</p><p>"Good. Apart from Brett calling me a," he trails off before sighing, "another word for a bundle of sticks<em>. </em>Starts with F."</p><p>"Did you kick his ass," his tone changing completely.</p><p>"No," he says with a breath of laughter.</p><p>"Do you want <em>me</em> to kick his ass?"</p><p>"No. I just wanted to tell someone so I wont think about it for the rest of the day," he says.</p><p>Noel throws an arm around him, "Brett's a piece of shit who gave his cousin a hand job last year in the girl's locker room."</p><p>"He did not," he shakes his head, finally cracking a smile. </p><p>"Swear to god," he says, raising both hands. </p><p>"You're just saying that to make me feel better."</p><p>"Maybe I am," he says, "but I can still spread the rumor around school if you want."</p><p>"What if he punches you?"</p><p>"Brett's a pussy. He wont do shit."</p><p>"I guess as long as no one gets hurt that's fine."</p><p>"Anything for my girl," he says, pulling him closer and soon Cody settles his head on Noel's shoulder.</p><p>They continue eating in silence while the documentary plays. They watch the whole thing and Noel knows it goes over an hour but eventually Cody turns, “it’s been over an hour and we haven’t went back yet.”</p><p>Noel turns, “shit, you’re right. You wanna head back or skip?”</p><p>And he hopes he chooses to skip.</p><p>“You wanna skip,” he asks.</p><p>“Yeah,” he shrugs, “we could go upstairs and play video games, I’ll tell Spock to get our work.”</p><p>“Okay,” he smiles.</p><p>They head upstairs and change in pajamas, Noel into a pair of sweatpants he’d left over for times like this. They get on Cody’s bed playing Mario Kart because Cody loves it. Noel wins most of them but lets Cody win two rounds. It’s the last round and he’s in first while Cody’s in third. They round a corner and Cody manages to knock another player out of the way and laughs as he’s grinning, “oh, I’m gonna be number one on this one, Noe. Watch your back.”</p><p>“Like hell you are,” he smiles. </p><p>Cody’s gaining on him and he passes him for a second until he throws a shell at him. But then Cody lets out a noise that sounds like a whine or a moan and Noel’s no longer paying attention. He looks at Cody and wants to hear that noise again. Cody looks proud as he’s smiling at the screen, “yes! Oh! In your face, I fucking beat you!”</p><p>He turns to look at Noel and he’s absolutely beaming, “I won.”</p><p>He drops his controller and surges forward pushing his mouth against Cody’s and moving him onto his back with a short ‘mmpf’ from Cody. He lets go of the controller and Noel expects him to push him away but he just reaches up and holds onto his face. He’s kissing him back and soon he pulls from Cody, looking down at him and he’s got that surprised look on his face that doesn’t say stop. He reaches for Cody’s sweatpants and takes them off as they’re breathing harder. He takes off his own and throws them in the floor while Cody moves up against the pillows and Noel crawls up between his legs, kissing him again. He rocks his hips against his and Cody’s grabbing his shirt, sucking in a breath. And he likes that sound. His mouth moves to his neck and Cody grabs onto his shoulders, breathing out, “what are we doing?”</p><p>And he knows he should stop, tell him it was a joke or something but he can’t. He can’t stop, not when it feels this good, instead he just tries to go with it, “nothing.”</p><p>He grinds into him and kisses the soft spot under his ear before giving Cody a different answer, “just trying something.”</p><p>He lets out a shaky breath and soon Noel’s hand slips up his shirt, sliding around his back, liking how his fingers feel in the dip of his spine. He lets go of him and lifts his legs up, putting them around himself while he grinds his hips into his. Cody pulls at his shirt, “what about your girlfriend?”</p><p>“Broke up with her,” he says, making his way to her collarbone.</p><p>It’s a lie, but he’ll break up with her over text the second they stop touching. His hand slides down Cody’s leg, squeezing his knee gently, getting him to lift his hips to meet his while he breathes, “she didn’t feel this good.”</p><p>He moans underneath him and he’s rocking his hips again before stopping, “you’re not gonna tell anyone, are you?”</p><p>And he doesn’t care if anyone knows, not really, but he wants to come out when he’s ready and he hopes Cody understands that. </p><p>Cody shakes his head, “are you gonna tell anyone?” </p><p>“No,” he says, kissing him, “cause we’re not doing anything. Just trying something.”</p><p>“Just trying something,” Cody repeats back to him. </p><p>Noel nods, “that’s all we’re doing.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'll post more chapters as they're edited. I just wanted to get the first five out of the way</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Noel hates parties but he loves leaving them.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s senior year and things are great with Cody, they spend more time together, they make out at the park, in each other’s rooms, and it’s good. It's really good. It’s a secret and Noel will eventually tell people but he hasn’t decided to come out, he doesn’t know how to or if he wants to come out in high school. It’s no one’s business and what he does with Cody is private. He’s never been a fan of public displays of affection and he can’t remember Cody being into that either. He should talk to him about it but he isn’t sure how to bring it up. Noel gets a girlfriend and Cody doesn’t say anything about it. He's glad he doesn't because he didn't want to talk about them, he just wants them for the appearance and he likes that Cody just gets it. It doesn’t bother him when she comes up and Noel feels great, he's <em>happy. </em></p><p>They’re best friends in public but when they’re alone they’re more, way more, at least he thinks they are. He’s not sure if he’d call them lovers, they’ve never had sex, but they’ve come pretty close. When Cody seems distant he’s not sure what it means but he treats him good, even better when they're alone. He kisses him the way he doesn’t kiss his girlfriends, he does it like it means something because it does mean something, it's more than just something. Cody means everything to him. He spends time with him outside school, they go places just the two of them and Noel makes sure to treat Cody better than anyone. Despite the girlfriend he has, he whispers sweeter words in Cody’s ears whenever they’re alone, sometimes even when they’re not alone, just to make sure he knows he's the one he likes. Their relationship might not be public but what they have means something to Noel, he treasures it and despite everything he does for Cody he feels like he should do more to let him know it. He buys a ring for him, it’s nothing flashy but the set and the engravings cost him more than a month's paycheck.</p><p>It’s Friday when he wants to give it to him that way they can both tell their parents they’re going to each other’s house for the weekend and Noel can get a motel room where they can be alone together. But Cody comes out to him and his friends at school that day and soon everyone knows about it. People ask him questions about Cody all day. </p><p>"Did you know?"</p><p>"Did he tell you?"</p><p>"Is that why you two always hang out together?"</p><p>"I figured he was gay, are you gay too?"</p><p>"Is that why you never had sex with me, because you were fucking Cody?"</p><p>"Is that why you wont have sex with me, because you don't like girls?"</p><p>He feels trapped and scared, he didn’t want to come out right now, it wasn’t the right time. He doesn’t know when that right time is exactly but he knows it’s definitely not right now. Devon sits beside Cody at lunch and Noel feels forced to choose between being out, scared and unsure or being safe and comfortable. He wants to pick Cody, of course he wants to pick Cody, but he finds himself lying to everyone and telling them he didn’t know. He plays it safe and stays in the closet, practically locking the door behind him and peeking through the keyhole at the empty chair beside the other boy he knows he should be sitting in. He wishes he could have said what he wanted to say to him before all this so Cody wouldn’t be out, but he’s out and the rings in his pocket feel different now. They feel heavier than before and he can’t quite figure out why. </p><p>People make jokes about it and Noel doesn’t, he doesn't talk about Cody to anyone. He doesn’t even know how to approach him anymore, he wants to tell him he’s sorry they haven’t spoken, that he’s sorry he didn’t come out with him but he doesn’t know how to say it. He’s not even sure Cody wants to hear it, and with the way he catches Cody looking at him he doesn’t seem like he’d forgive him for leaving him alone even if he did say it. He watches Devon extend his hand to him and ask something. Cody looks at him and Noel wants to shake his head, wants to tell him to stay, doesn’t want him to take Devon’s hand. But Cody looks as if he’s made up his mind and he can’t watch. Cody leaves with Devon’s arm wrapped around him and he hated every second of it. He doesn’t text Cody, he didn’t think he’d want to hear from him anyway. He keeps his distance apart from when people say things about Cody. They talk about how they’re uncomfortable with him in the locker room and Noel defends him jokingly, “just because he’s gay doesn’t mean his standards are low enough that he’d wanna fuck you.”</p><p>It earns a laugh and nobody says shit about Cody in front of him anymore. When he sees a couple of guys walking towards Cody with smug grins he finds a way to get between them. They planned on making sure he didn’t want to join the soccer team and Noel makes sure they know that Cody can join any team he wants to join and that if they’ve got a problem with it they can take it up with their coaches including Mrs. Tucker and her wife Mrs. Lane. They don’t have anything to say after that. After two weeks something happens.</p><p>Cody and Devon are together, <em>together together,</em> at least that’s the rumor that’s spread around, and even though he knew the rumor was probably true he refused to believe it until today. Cody’s sat alone at the table when he walks through the doors, his arm around his girlfriend’s waist. She must’ve noticed him staring and thought he was looking at Kelly, the pretty girl behind Cody because the next thing he knows she's turning his head to her, kissing him. He kisses back even though he hates kissing in front of people. And when it's over he sits down as he watches the door opens a little too loud when Devon comes in, “Cody!”</p><p>He turns to look at him and he runs over with food in his hands. Cody smiles up at him and when the food is on the table, Devon leans down and kisses him. The kiss is casual and familiar, like they’d done it a hundred times already and Noel’s heart feels like it’s being crushed in someone’s hand and his stomach feels sick. This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be happening. He can barely read lips but when they pull away he thinks he sees Devon say, “I brought your favorite.”</p><p>Cody smiles and says, “thank you.”</p><p>When Cody turns towards his table their eyes meet for the first time in a long time and he wonders if Cody can tell how much it hurts seeing Devon with him just by the look in his eyes. Cody looks away to the food before speaking, “you got my favorite?”</p><p>He nods, sitting down beside him, “yeah, I got all the stuff you like.” </p><p>He leans in, cupping Devon’s face and kissing him the way he used to kiss Noel when they were alone together. He rests his head against his looking grateful, “thank you.”</p><p>“No problem,” he smiles, touching his nose to his. </p><p>And it’s cute, sickeningly fucking sweet and Noel doesn’t think he can eat. Noel was upset and Cody didn’t seem to care. He feels like shit, he doesn’t deserve Cody’s sympathy and he knows that. He kept what they had a secret and either Cody was tired of being in the closet or he was just tired of him. It made him feel bad that he was replaced so easily, but it felt even worse being replaced by someone he felt was even better than him. He wondered if what they had meant as much to Cody as it did to him but he guesses it probably didn't. He wasn't Cody's first pick anyway, Devon was always his first choice and Noel knew that. </p><p>They still don’t speak and it isn’t until Valentine’s day that they finally do. Noel shows up to a Valentine’s party at the house of a friend of his girlfriend. He can’t remember what her name is but she insisted on costumes. Noel doesn’t do costumes so he settles for a solid black hoodie with a big red heart in the center while his girlfriend goes all out with a glittery red dress that comes down to her mid-thigh with fake white wings and red stilettos. He looks as awkward with her as he feels and all he wants is to go home. He searches the room until his eyes land on Cody. He’s wearing a costume and Noel’s sure if he would have come with Cody he would have worn one too if he asked him to. It’s not enough layers for the weather in Noel’s opinion, a pair of sequin red shorts that clung to him like a second skin and a white long-sleeved shirt with a red heart on the front. There’s a pair of white wings on his back and he’s got a fake bow and arrow on his lap. It’s cute, way too fucking cute for Cody to be wearing it while sitting in Devon’s lap like that. Devon’s got red pants, no shirt, and a pair of heart shaped glasses on his smirking face and it makes him feel hyper aware of himself. Noel didn’t have the body to do that, but Devon’s muscly and tan and he can see why Cody would be into him, how he could drop him so easily. With the matching white wings on his back he looks like an angel and Noel thinks of it as a reminder that he can’t even come close to competing with Devon. Cody says something that Noel thinks is, “I’m gonna go get a beer.”</p><p>Devon responds back, “I can get it for you if you want, baby.”</p><p>
  <em>Baby? Does Cody like being called baby? </em>
</p><p>Cody says something else he can’t understand but Devon seems to and stays put as the other boy heads into the kitchen. Noel follows him, watching him bend over to grab two beers. Noel speaks up, “nice shorts.”</p><p>Cody turns towards him so fast he’s surprised he didn’t get whiplash. He takes a step back when Cody looks annoyed and Noel jokes, “your boyfriend pick those out for you?”</p><p>He looks down at the red shorts before looking up at him and speaks sharper, “yeah, he did. He said he likes how my ass looks in them.”</p><p>And that stings, but not as much as it does when Cody pushes past him. He grabs him by the arm, making him turn back, “ugh, what now?” </p><p>“What about you and me?”</p><p>Cody gives a laugh, “what <em>about</em> you and me?”</p><p>“I thought you liked what we were doing. I thought we were having fun.”</p><p>“I wasn't."</p><p>And the knife feels as though it's twisting deeper. He shrugs, "you didn't like us sneaking around different places? Thought things were easy when we were sneaking around."</p><p>"Sneaking around gets old, Noel. I can’t do it like you can. You might be able to live in the closet for the rest of your life but I’m out,” he tells him, shaking his head, “and I’m not going back in.”</p><p>They go back to the living room and they’re forced to sit in a circle to play seven minutes in Heaven. And Noel finds it funny Cody might have to go in a closet after everything he’d just said. When the bottle chooses Devon and not Cody he feels happy and Cody looks like he is making a joke before his boyfriend's getting up and heading into the closet. The clock starts when the door is closed and Noel can only focus on how much he wants to be in the closet with Cody. He feels willing to do anything to be next to him for seven minutes. The seven minutes go by fast and when the bottle spins Noel’s eyes are fixed on Cody’s as his deep green eyes are staring back at his. The gaze is strong and intense and neither look away until one of the girls announces that the bottle landed on both of them. They look to the glass bottle before locking eyes once more, and he's grateful to whichever god out there allowed it. Cody goes in the closet first and Noel’s in second, the small room smelling like various perfumes and colognes and various bodily fluids. It’s disgusting and dirty and he’s never been more turned on in his life.</p><p>“We don’t have to kiss or talk,” he starts, “we can just stand on opposite sides and just wait for the seven minutes to be up.” </p><p>“Just shut up before I change my mind,” Cody says, moving to him. </p><p>His lips meet his and Noel’s got his arms around his waist, kissing him harder. He’s missed this, being this close with Cody, touching him like this, tasting him like this. He kisses down his throat, eager to make him moan. Cody lowers his voice, “don’t leave any marks.”</p><p>And normally he'd be overthinking that sentence, but he doesn’t have enough time to give a shit. He’s got seven minutes to have Cody any way he wants him. He gets him up against the wall and Cody’s holding his face as they kiss again. His hips roll against his and the blond almost moans in his ear. He’s hard and Cody’s hands drop to his shoulders before he’s sliding his arms around his neck as Noel breathes out his name, “Cody.”</p><p>“Noel,” he says back, running his fingers through his hair.</p><p>And fuck does he miss it. His mouth’s back on his and Noel’s hand slides up his thigh to his shorts and he’s dying to feel him up, take off his clothes and just taste every part of him. It feels like they’ve kissed for hours and Cody’s hard against him making him feel good again. When they pull back to breathe, he rests his forehead against his, whispering, “come back to me.”</p><p>“Leave her.”</p><p>And those two words are it. They’re all he needs to get Cody back and in the moment he thinks he needed those two words more than he needed air. They’re silent and when the voice outside says, “alright ten more seconds.” </p><p>They pull from each other, fixing their hair and adjusting their clothes. He wipes his mouth and takes a slow breath in before letting it out. Cody fixes his shirt over his shorts and then the door opens. Cody leaves first and he soon follows. When Cody leaves with Devon, Noel’s with his girlfriend outside. She’s going on about something but he can’t be here anymore, he can’t listen to her anymore, not when he can have Cody again. She turns to him raising a brow, “so?”</p><p>“What,” he asks. </p><p>“Are you even paying attention to what I was telling you? I was saying that Jennifer is going out with Jake and he ended up cheating on her. I was wondering if you knew anything about it since you and Jake are sorta friends with the same guys.”</p><p>“Huh? No. I don’t keep up with that.”</p><p>“Well, do you wanna get a hotel? We could spend the night together. I can say I’m at Jennifer’s house.”</p><p>“I can’t do this anymore,” he rushes out. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“I...you’re great. Really, you are. But I just can’t do this.”</p><p>“Is it me? Is it another girl?”</p><p>“It’s me, I just want to be able to focus on college and myself and I've been trying to figure out what I want to do for the next four years. I just...I need to figure out myself before I can really be with someone. You deserve someone who can put you first and I haven’t been doing that lately, my mind's just on other things.”</p><p>“You’re not sleeping with another girl?”</p><p>“No,” he says, “I was only seeing you. But I haven’t been a good boyfriend, I know that, I haven’t been treating you right and spending as much time with you as I should be. I want you to be happy but I feel like I just can’t make you happy. Not right now anyway. I just can't do this anymore.” </p><p>She frowns but nods, “no, yeah, I get it.”</p><p>“Are you mad at me?”</p><p>“No,” she says, “I get it. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do for the next four years too. Neither of us dream of going to the same college so I guess it's better for us to break things off now before graduation.”</p><p>He gives a small smile, “you’re really not mad?”</p><p>“No I'm not mad, I get it," she nods, "but I think I’m going to get a ride home with Jennifer tonight.”</p><p>He nods and they exchange good nights before he’s getting in his car and heading straight for Cody’s house. When he’s there he crawls up the side to Cody’s window seeing him alone inside laying on his bed. He knocks on the glass and Cody jumps before seeing him sitting on the small bit of roof. He gets up and opens it letting him speak first, “hey.”</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“I broke up with her.”</p><p>Cody doesn’t say anything to that and just moves out of the way, letting him crawl in. He stands in front of him and Noel wants nothing more than to pull him close and kiss him. Cody looks to the bed and Noel wonders if this is Cody’s way of telling him he wants to have sex. He takes off his shoes and they get in bed together. Noel lays behind him, putting his arms around his waist the way he does when they sleep together. He lifts Cody’s hand and brings it to his mouth, kissing gently on his knuckles before putting the hand back down. He holds him closer and presses his mouth to the back of his neck. </p><p>“I missed you,” he whispers. </p><p>Cody turns back to look at him, “I missed you too.”</p><p>He presses his forehead against his and smiles when their noses touch, “I’ve been miserable without you.”</p><p>“It’s been weird without having my best friend.”</p><p>“Things are gonna change, Cody,” he says. </p><p>Cody thumbs over his cheek and lets out a slow breath through his nose, "no they're not."</p><p>And that hurts to hear, but Cody gives a smile through the tears, "they're not and that's okay. You're not ready to come out and I understand."</p><p>He shakes his head, “things will change…”</p><p>“What’s her name,” he asks.</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“The next girl you’re going to date,” he says, “what’s her name?”</p><p>And he pauses for a second before speaking softer, “Nora.”</p><p>Cody nods, “she’s nice. She's funny like you, I like her. She's cool, you should definitely date her. She's really pretty and she keeps things to herself, she'd be good for you."</p><p>
  <em>Stop.</em>
</p><p>"Cody."</p><p>"Her dad wants her to marry Thomas, the one who's in computer science. Their parents are part of the same church I think but neither of them are religious. But you’re good looking, I think her parents would really like you-"</p><p>
  <em>Please stop.</em>
</p><p>"Cody."</p><p>"-and she's never wanted to be with Thomas anyway. She wants to become a professor. She's really sweet, you can probably get close to her by asking her to tutor you. She's incredibly good with Science, Chemistry, Biology. She's taking a few college classes. You should really consider her because I think she'd match pretty well with you an-"</p><p>
  <em>STOP!</em>
</p><p>"Cody," he says holding his face.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>"Just stop talking about girls for a minute. Please?"</p><p>
  <em>I can’t take it. Especially with you looking at me like that.</em>
</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>"I don't want to even think about that right now, okay?"</p><p>He nods and Noel brushes his thumb over Cody’s lips. He wipes the tears from his cheeks and kisses his forehead, “I shouldn't have told you to break up with your girlfriend, I'm sorry. I just—we kissed and I-I just had this stupid plan in my head where you and I, we just..." he trails off before shaking his head, "doesn't matter."</p><p>"It does matter," he says, desperately wanting to know what the plan was. </p><p>"It doesn't," he says softly, "it really doesn't matter."</p><p>"I wanted to say something when you came out but I'm still," he trails off and Cody nods, picking up where he left off, "you're still in. I get it. You don't have to worry about me. I can take care of myself this time."</p><p>"And if you <em>can't?</em>"</p><p>Noel opens his mouth to speak but Cody speaks first, "then I have Devon to take care of me."</p><p>
  <em>Devon. I forgot about Devon.</em>
</p><p>"Do you love Devon," he finds himself asking, praying that the answer is no.</p><p>He blinks past the tears and Noel's eyes are fixed on his. He takes in a breath, taking Noel's hands off his face, and he knows the answer before he even says it, "yeah. I love Devon."</p><p>His heart breaks completely when Cody says it, and it’s all he can do to keep from crying.<em> He loves Devon.</em> And he wants to throw up when he says it. <em>He loves Devon and not me.</em> He wants to scream and ask why he teased him like that, why he would kiss him like that if he didn’t feel anything for him. Why he would even look at him if he loved Devon. But he doesn’t scream, he can’t scream at Cody. His voice gets soft, “he good to you?”</p><p>And that’s all he can bring himself to care about. Cody chokes back a sob, “yes. He’s really good to me.”</p><p>He nods and pulls him close to his chest, hugging him as he rubs his back, “good. That’s good.”</p><p>He’s glad he pulled Cody to him when he did because now that he can’t see him he’s letting the tears fall. Cody sobs as he turns and kisses his cheek, “that's good. I don't want you with someone who doesn't treat you right. You're a good person and you deserve someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You deserve someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved."</p><p>And Cody presses his face into the crook of Noel's neck, muffling the sounds he makes. It tears him up inside but Noel's arms stay around him as he makes his softer to hide the lump in his throat, "I care about you, and I want you to be happy."</p><p>Cody balls up Noel's jacket in his fists as he continues speaking to him, "because you deserve to be so happy."</p><p>He pauses for a second and it feels like the longest second of his entire life until Cody speaks, "we're still friends aren't we, Noe?"</p><p>And Noel squeezes him tighter, trying not to sob, "yeah, Cody, we're still friends. We'll always be friends."</p><p>
  <em>Even if you never feel the same way I feel about you.</em>
</p><p>"You promise?"</p><p>"Yeah, I promise."</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>He hangs out with Cody again but things are like when they were kids instead of the way they were when they were whatever they were. They don’t touch anymore, they don’t kiss, they don’t even mention Valentine’s day. He kisses girls again and Cody kisses Devon. He doesn’t hate kissing girls, but they don’t feel like Cody. They never feel like him, but he tries not to think about that. He hangs out with Cody and Devon now, which is fine he thinks. Devon isn’t mean to him and he doesn’t say anything to him so he assumes Devon either doesn’t know about him or he does but doesn’t care. He isn’t sure if he’d want Devon to know. He doesn’t know what kind of guy Devon is. He wasn’t sure if he was the jealous type who would keep Cody away from him if he found out, or if he was the type who didn’t care if they had whatever they had. He doesn’t think he’d like either of those things. He didn’t want to deal with someone so possessive, but he also sort of wanted Devon to see him as a threat. Devon was tall and blond and good looking and if Devon just didn’t care then it meant he didn’t see him as competition, and if he didn’t see him as a threat then how the fuck did Cody see him?</p><p>The relationship he and Cody had, whatever it was, was something he wanted more than anything but with the other boy being in love with Devon it didn’t seem like that would be a possibility. He’d texted Cody earlier and he told him he’d be with Devon all day and said he’d be going to the last party of the year. He didn’t want to go, he never liked parties, too many smells, too many people, too many things making him just wish he and Cody were alone. He liked being alone with Cody, when it’s just them and they’re laid up in his bed and Cody’s making all of his hoodies and pillows smell like him. He couldn’t help but wonder if his scent ever lingered in Cody’s room, if it helped him fall asleep at night the way Cody’s scent did for him.</p><p>He breaks up with his girlfriend and she takes it well, he thinks. He’s glad they’ll be at college soon, he wont have to worry about seeing her again until their actual graduation. Once he’s at college things will be better, he can do more, he can be more like himself. He wont have to worry about hiding parts of himself. He gets a message from Spock and looks to his phone.</p><p>
  <strong>Spock: Hey, you coming to the party?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel: I don’t know.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Spock: I’ll be going so you have someone to talk to.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel: I don’t know, dude, I kind of don’t feel like seeing certain people.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Spock: By certain people do you mean Devon?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel: Why would you think that?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Spock: I don’t know, you just seem different when he’s around. It’s kind of like you’re jealous.</strong>
</p><p>And that makes his heart stop.</p><p>
  <em>Noel: Jealous?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Spock: Yeah, I mean, you’re so used to having Cody’s full attention that now that you don’t have it you’re so pouty around them.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel: No I’m not.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Spock: Yeah you are. It’s funny though. Cody’s giving someone else his attention and you’re pouty because you feel like you’re losing your best friend.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel: I’m not going.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Spock: Noel. You have to go.</strong>
</p><p>He doesn’t text him back and soon he receives another text. </p><p>
  <strong>Spock: You have to go. I told everyone you’d be there.</strong>
</p><p>He reads it but doesn’t respond, thinking about Spock's words. He wasn’t jealous. Well, he was jealous for sure, but Spock didn’t have to point it out. If Spock noticed then Cody definitely noticed. He groans and puts the pillow over his face listening to his phone buzz again. </p><p>
  <strong>Spock: Don’t ignore me. I made special edibles for us. I was gonna take them with you at the party but if you don’t wanna go we can take them in my basement and play with this new keyboard and microphone I got. We can mess around with the effects, it’ll be fun.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel: No, we’ll save that for another day. Let’s go to the party.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Spock: You sure?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel: Yeah. It’ll be fun. One last party before college.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Spock: Hell yeah!</strong>
</p><p>When he gets to the party Spock’s handing him a small bag of edibles when he sees him and he soon spots Devon with his arm around Cody, whispering things into his ear that make him laugh. He takes an edible. The music is too loud for his taste but seeing Cody happy makes him forget about it. He watches him dance next to Devon while he knocks back a few drinks. Noel thinks he looks more like a go-go dancer who forgot to get half-naked. They get closer and Cody looks like he’s having a good time. </p><p>He heads over to them and Devon twirls Cody until they’re dancing closer. He’s a few feet behind them dancing but mostly watching them sing together. They’re loud and obnoxious and...cute together. It makes Noel feel out of place and strange. He doesn’t like watching them together but he can’t deny they look happy. <em>Cody</em> looked happy, happier than he was when they were messing around. He smiled more and that makes Noel feel bad. He’d always avoid public displays of affection with anyone he dated, but with Cody he wanted it so bad. He wished his arms were around him all the time, that his lips could be on his whenever he wanted. He’d never craved something that he didn’t like so bad.</p><p>Holding his hand, touching his waist, it felt like his arm belonged around him, like his hand was made to hold his. But watching Cody and Devon hold each other made him realize Cody fits better with Devon than he does with him. Devon’s taller, built better, and his arms come around Cody like he’s ready to protect him with his life. Cody looks so in love when he fits his head perfectly against his chest before looking up at him with the smile that used to be just for him. And Devon looks at him like he’s ready to give him the world. The more he thinks about the past couple of years the more he feels he doesn’t deserve Cody, feels like he never really has. </p><p>The edible starts to kick in and he doesn’t like the feeling it puts in his stomach, it doesn’t feel good. His mind starts wandering and focusing on Devon’s hands, his huge fucking hands that he bets have touched Cody. Devon’s currently got one hand holding Cody’s hip and the thought of the two of them naked comes to mind and he feels sicker thinking about them together in Cody’s bed. He can practically hear all the sounds Cody used to make when they were alone playing over the thought of Devon on top of Cody, holding onto him the way he would with him. He can almost see Devon’s naked back and his hips pressed between Cody’s. He tries to shake the thoughts and looks up as the music dies down, “alright, one last game of truth or dare!”</p><p>But he feels sick to his stomach and his face feels hot as he heads into the next room. When he feels his stomach forcing up vomit he grabs a trash can and aims, puking as he grabs some water. Spock finds him and pats his back, “dude, I’m so sorry. I gave you the wrong one. That one was for Jake and Gabe to split. It was just supposed to make them feel super sick and leave.”</p><p>“It’s whatever,” he says, “here, take the rest.”</p><p>He hands him the bag back and Spock pats his back again, “just chug a lot of water and throw up again if you need to.”</p><p>He nods and Spock takes off as he chugs more water. He swishes it in his mouth before spitting it out and looking at the alcohol on the counter. He grabs the one labeled creme de menthe. He pours it in his mouth and swishes it before spitting it out. His mouth tastes minty and less like vomit and he decides to head into the living room. Everyone's gathered in a circle and he sits down beside Cody, laying his head on him and closing his eyes. Cody's fingers are in his hair and he feels like he could fall asleep like this. He opens his eyes and the girl across from him is speaking, "Noel, are you playing?"</p><p>"No. Just needed to sit down."</p><p>"Cody, your turn, truth or dare?"</p><p>"Dare."</p><p>"I dare you to kiss Noel."</p><p>And that gets Noel’s attention. He turns, watching Cody look to Devon who shrugs as a response to the look he’s giving him. Cody turns to Noel, who shrugs, "fine, but I just threw up a minute ago."</p><p>He shrugs back, "that's fine."</p><p>He leans in, kissing him and he hopes he doesn’t taste bad to him. Noel kisses him back, wanting to take things even further than this. Part of him wanted to make it last longer, but Cody pulls away. People are clapping and cheering and he speaks when Noel looks at him, "you taste like mint."</p><p>He shrugs and relaxes back against his hands, wishing he had a chair or something to lean on. People are talking, saying something but he can’t focus on anything except Devon who was looking at Cody for a brief moment before he looked directly at him. Devon might have been a little drunk but he knew what that look meant. He knows. It was like with just one little kiss supposed to be nothing more than a dare he can just tell that that wasn’t the first time they’d kissed. It was the look of realization and Noel hoped he’d forget about their kiss tomorrow. Devon eventually turns when to answer the question he didn’t hear her ask, “I pick truth"</p><p>"Is it true you and Cody had sex at Spock's Halloween party last year?"</p><p>And that feels like a hit to the chest out of nowhere. He didn’t expect to hear it but he can’t help but sit up completely for it. Cody looks to Devon and the two share a laugh before Devon speaks, “that’s specific. Why do you think that?”</p><p>"Gabe and Jake said they caught you and Cody having sex."</p><p>"We did," Jake says, clutching his stomach looking uncomfortable, "Cody moans like a girl."</p><p>"That's no one's business if we did or didn't," Devon says, "pick another question because I'm not answering that."</p><p>
  <em>Did or didn't? Why answer like that? Why isn't Cody saying they didn't?</em>
</p><p>Cody laughs it off and turns to him, "I'll be right back, I gotta piss."</p><p>He stands and makes his way down the hall as he and Devon both watch him leave. The girl asking questions, Vicki? Nicki? He couldn't remember her name but she turned to Devon, "fine, answer this one. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?"</p><p>He smiles, thinking about it before nodding, "I can answer this one. The girls locker room."</p><p>She cocks her head, "the <em>girls</em> locker room? Why the <em>girls</em> locker room?"</p><p>He gives a laugh before raising his beer to his lips, "cause that's where they keep the extra cheer uniforms."</p><p>There are a few laughs around the room and Noel tries to think of anyone else Devon's dated because he absolutely hates that answer. He hates the thought of Cody dressing up for Devon. He hates the idea that they had sex. He hates all of it, but most of all he hates Devon. Especially when he looks out of the corner of his eye at Noel. He puts his hands in his pockets, clenching his fists. He can't sit here anymore, he doesn't want to know anything else about their relationship. Noel turns, seeing Cody come back into the room. There's a few whistles and Cody turns to them cocking his head in confusion. Noel stands and slings his arm around him, "my mom’ll be pissed if I come home trashed. Can I crash at yours?"</p><p>He looks to him nodding, “uh, yeah, okay. Dev?”</p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“Me and Noel are going to head home.”</p><p>“I can drive you if you want,” he suggests. </p><p>
  <em>Not a fucking chance I’m getting in the car with this fucking guy.</em>
</p><p>He shakes his head, “no, you’ve been drinking. Give me your keys. I’ll pick up your car tomorrow and bring it back to you.”</p><p>
  <em>Cody’s smart.</em>
</p><p>“You taking Noel with you?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, “he can’t go back to his place drunk, his mom doesn’t like it.”</p><p>He nods, “okay.”</p><p>He leans down, kissing Devon quickly before turning to leave and Noel pretends he doesn’t see it.</p><p>“Cody?” </p><p>He turns seeing Devon look up at him.</p><p>“Yeah,” he asks, slipping an arm around Noel’s waist when Noel’s arm comes back around his shoulders. </p><p>“My mom said we can have the mini-fridge if we want it for our room.”</p><p>“Nice,” he says, “tell her I said thanks.”</p><p>He nods and Devon looks to Noel before turning back to the others. They head out the door and Noel didn’t like that exchange at all, “what did he mean <em>our room?</em>”</p><p>Cody sighs, "um, he's going to be my roommate at college."</p><p>When they're past the last step down he turns, "you didn't tell me that."</p><p>"I didn't think it was a big deal."</p><p>"You don't think your boyfriend being your roommate is a big deal?"</p><p>“No, I don’t,” he says, “he and I are together and if we should break up for some reason he and I could still be friends.”</p><p>“Could you?”</p><p>“Of course,” he says, “are you alright?”</p><p>“Fine,” he says, “let’s go home.”</p><p>They walk and Cody’s arms soon wrap around his bicep the way they normally do, “talk to me. I can tell you’re upset about something. Just tell me what it is.”</p><p>“Nothing, just didn’t know you’d be rooming with Devon.” </p><p>“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were jealous.”</p><p>“I’m not fucking jealous,” he says and he hate how defensive he sounds.</p><p>“You <em>are,</em>” he says, putting his head on his shoulder, “wow! I’ve never seen you jealous before.”</p><p>
  <em>Great, here comes the teasing.</em>
</p><p>“I’ve never seen you jealous before either.”</p><p>Cody shrugs, “so what are you jealous of? Are you upset because you wanted to room with me?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, “I figured it’d be you and me when it came to college.”</p><p>“Now I don’t have to worry about walking in on you and some girl and you don’t have to walk in on me and Devon.”</p><p>“You and Devon, huh?”</p><p>And that makes his stomach feel like it’s being squeezed. Cody nods, “yeah. But I can just come to your room or you can come to mine when I’m not busy and we can hang out, you know?”</p><p>Noel pulls his arm from Cody’s grasp and slips it around his hip, holding onto it and it makes him feel like Cody’s boyfriend, “it’ll be harder for me to sleep some nights then. If you and Devon share a room it’ll be difficult for me to crawl in your bed at night and put my arms around you.”</p><p>And he swears he could hear Cody gasp when he pulled him closer. Cody speaks lower than before, “Devon wouldn’t like that even if you and I did share rooms.”</p><p>He shrugs and slides his fingers under the hem of Cody’s shirt and Noel wondered when Cody would push him away, if he would even push him away. He gets a little confident when Cody doesn’t do anything, “I mean, we wouldn’t have to tell him. It could just be our secret.”</p><p>He’s touching his bare hip and soon Cody rests his head on him, “your girlfriend probably wouldn’t like that.”</p><p>
  <em>He’s not pulling away from me. Is he into this? My heart is beating so fast and all I’m doing is touching his hip. Christ I'm acting like such a fucking virgin.</em>
</p><p>“Good thing I broke up with her then,” he says.</p><p>He slides his fingers over the line of skin above the jeans Cody’s wearing and all he can think about is getting him against one of the trees they’re passing and just kissing him again. Cody’s speaking and it shakes his thoughts for a second, “it’s a shame, she was nice. But I’m sure you’ll have other girls.”</p><p>“Girls will come and go,” he says, “but you’ll always be my girl wont you?”</p><p>Cody turns to look at him and he smiles, expecting him to get upset but instead he’s letting out a breath of laughter. Noel pushes the dirty blond hair from his face and pinches his cheek, “or do you prefer my boy?”</p><p>He shrugs, “either one. You can call me your boy in front of our friends but you can call me your girl when it’s just us.”</p><p>He smiles, <em>just us?</em> There’s a giddy feeling in his chest, “not in front of Devon?”</p><p>“Never in front of Devon,” he tells him, “only when we’re alone.”</p><p>
  <em>Only when we’re alone?</em>
</p><p>They make it to Cody’s house, past the big gate and onto the front porch where no one could see them from where they were standing. Noel gently pushes him up against the front door, holding onto him by his hips, “are your parents here?”</p><p>He shakes his head, “no. It’s just me and you.”</p><p>“Just me and you,” he repeats. </p><p>He’s closer now, incredibly close and it makes him want to close the gap between them so bad. He doesn’t and instead takes Cody’s keys and unlocks the door, handing them back, “good. They wont hear us if we stumble.”</p><p>He nods and they head up to his room, kicking off their shoes as Cody heads to the closet, “do you want some sweatpants or something?” </p><p>He takes off his jeans and shakes his head, “no.”</p><p>He gets the hoodie off himself and tosses it on the floor while watching Cody the entire time. Cody takes off his own socks and Noel does the same before stepping closer. Cody gets off his jeans and reaches for sweatpants. Noel stops him before he can put them on, “are you gonna make me sleep in another room since you’ve got Devon?”</p><p>He shakes his head, “no. You can stay in here with me if you want to.”</p><p>Cody shuts his window, making sure it’s locked before he closes the curtains. Noel goes up behind him, “you planning on murdering me or something?”</p><p>“No, I just don’t want the sun beaming into my eyes.”</p><p>“Is that it,” he asks standing closer, “or…”</p><p>Cody turns to him and Noel’s looking him in his eyes, “are you worried your boyfriend’s gonna see us.”</p><p>“He wouldn’t like it if he saw us in the same bed. He doesn’t like when another guy touches me.”</p><p>His hands go to Cody’s hips, sliding up his shirt to make him gasp quietly. He doesn’t take his eyes off Cody’s and Cody doesn’t take his eyes off Noel. His hands slide down Cody’s backside to his underwear, pulling him close to his body in seconds. Cody’s hands come up to hold his chest and Noel brings his own hand to his mouth sucking on two of his fingers while Cody watches. The hands on his chest slide up to his shoulders before coming back down. Noel’s stomach’s against Cody’s and he wonders if Cody can feel how hard he is right now just looking at him. Noel pulls his fingers from his mouth and slides his hands down the back of his underwear.</p><p>“Then he’s going to hate this.”</p><p>He teases his entrance and Cody’s mouth falls open for him to let out a shaky breath. Noel’s hyper aware of how many layers of clothing he’s wearing when he leans in and kisses him hard. Cody’s arms come up around his neck as he kisses him back and it feels like they never stopped. He pulls his hands from his underwear, picking him up and moving him to his bed. He gets between Cody’s legs, feeling the blond push his body up against his. Noel gets the underwear off Cody’s body, moving to kiss his neck, “wanna make you feel good.”</p><p>Cody nods, sliding his hand up into Noel’s hair as he finds the spot under Cody’s ear that always gets him to pull his hair, “okay.”</p><p>
  <em>Okay? Is he into this? No, he can’t be into this. He loves Devon. He’d never hurt Devon. This isn’t right. He’s drunk, he’s drunk and I’m just taking advantage of him.</em>
</p><p>He pulls back to look at him and he shakes his head, “I’m sorry. You’re drunk, you’re not...I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I’m not drunk.”</p><p>And Cody looks and sounds sober. Noel watches him pull the shirt off himself and reach for the drawer beside his bed. His movements aren’t sloppy, he looks fine. Noel wants to rub his temples, <em>maybe I’m the one that’s a little fucked up right now.</em> Cody’s got the bottle of lube and some condoms on the nightstand and Noel sees the serious look in Cody’s eyes as he sits up against the pillows, “I’m your girl.”</p><p>And that line feels like it sobers him up. He doesn’t speak and leans in, watching Cody hold the blanket underneath himself as he speaks, “aren’t I?”</p><p>He leans in closer to close the gap and his heart pounds as he speaks, “yeah. Yeah, you’re my girl.” </p><p>He kisses him and Noel pulls off his shirt as he grabs Cody’s hips pulling him down the pillows closer to his hips, “are you sure this is okay?”</p><p>“I want to,” Cody nods, “but only if you want to.”</p><p>He nods, taking the condom off the nightstand, “you wanna have sex?”</p><p>And Cody looks up at him, “do you...not want to with me?”</p><p>He holds Cody’s face smiling, “why wouldn’t I want to?”</p><p>He opens his mouth to say something but Noel leans in, kissing him, “you’re...<em>you.</em>”</p><p>
  <em>And you are fucking beautiful, Cody.</em>
</p><p>He uncaps the lube, kissing him again, “you’ll tell me if I hurt you, wont you?”</p><p>He nods, “just go slow, okay?”</p><p>“I’ll be careful with you, Cody, I’m always careful with you.”</p><p>He nods, “yeah. Yeah, you’re always careful with me.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh shit, what if I cum too fast? What if I suck at it? What if he tells me I’m not doing it right? I can’t back out now though. I can’t back out now, not when I’ve wanted this for so long.</em>
</p><p>“Just relax,” he says out loud, partly to Cody must mostly to himself as he pushes his own underwear down until they’re both naked. It’s hot between Cody’s legs but he doesn’t want to think about it too much. He puts the condom on, getting the outside of it completely wet. He puts his free hand in Cody’s hair before letting it fall as he swipes his thumb across his lips, “I’m gonna take good care of you.”</p><p>He takes Cody’s hand, kissing his palm before putting the arm around his neck, “spread your legs for me.”</p><p>He does as he asks, his eyes never once leaving his. He sees how fast Cody’s breathing and, when he sucks in a sharp breath as he enters him, Noel looks down to make sure he doesn’t go too fast. His hand shoots up and holds his face, “please?”</p><p>And Noel looks back to him, wondering if this is too fast or it hurts too much. He stops moving completely, “is this okay?”</p><p>“Just,” he starts, leaning up to kiss him, “just look at me for a while. Please?”</p><p>He nods, “yeah. Yeah, okay.”</p><p>He moves his hips slow and leans down, kissing him as he lifts Cody’s legs to put them around his hips, “I got you.”</p><p>He nods and his fingers go through Noel’s hair. The second he pulls at it Noel stops moving and holds his face in his hands, pulling back to look at him, “my Cody.”</p><p>
  <em>Things can change in college. He can be my Cody.</em>
</p><p>He thumbs over Cody’s cheek and kisses him again as he moves his hips once more. Cody moans and the hands in his hair go to his shoulder before sliding down his back. When their mouths break apart Cody whispers against his lips, “your Cody.”</p><p>
  <em>He and I could be together. Actually together.</em>
</p><p>“You’ll always be my Cody, wont you?”</p><p>
  <em>Just him and me. No Devon, no one to hide from. No one will know who we are.</em>
</p><p>He nods, kissing him, “I’ll always be your Cody.”</p><p>
  <em>We can be together.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Things are about to get sadder.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Noel and Devon have a chat.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He and Cody weren’t together. They woke up that morning and Cody told him that he had to go meet Devon so he could pick up his car. He didn’t look at him, he didn’t even bring up the fact that they’d had sex. He just jumped in the shower and left him in his bed without another word. But the silence was clear, that night was a mistake to Cody. Noel took the hint and got dressed, leaving the second he got his shoes on. </p>
<p>Noel pretended like it didn’t hurt, pretended like the night never happened. And despite how badly he wanted to ask Cody about it and ask what that night meant he kept his mouth shut. He rationalized what happened by telling himself that it happened because Cody wanted more experience. Maybe he realized how he felt and decided to have pity sex with him. Whatever the reason behind Cody's actions were Noel knew it wasn't the reason he wanted it to be. </p>
<p>Cody was with Devon anyway, and no matter how much he wishes he wasn’t, he wouldn’t ruin that for him. He was happy, happier than he’d ever been with him and he could get used to that. He <em>would</em> get used to that if he wanted to preserve their friendship. Cody had managed to convince Devon to swap roommates with him so he could room with Cody. And it was nice sharing a room with him but when Cody started sharing his bed with Devon, Noel made sure to switch to all morning classes so he wouldn’t have to see it.</p>
<p>He heads back from his class, they’d gotten out early which normally he just goes and gets breakfast, but today he just wanted to go back to sleep. He heads in the room and he sees Devon between Cody’s legs, one hand between his thighs while Cody’s moaning and holding onto him. Cody’s eyes meet his and Noel just reacts, “whoa!”</p>
<p>Devon turns to look at him, giving him a sheepish look as he offers him an apology Noel was pretty sure he didn't mean. He turns his head and shields his eyes as Devon pulls his hand out from between Cody’s legs. The other man quickly pulls on underwear apologizing, “sorry, sorry! I thought you had class until nine.”</p>
<p>“We got out early.”</p>
<p>Devon adjusts his underwear that left nothing to imagination and headed to the bathroom. Cody pulls on Devon's sweatpants seeming embarrassed, “there. All dressed.”</p>
<p>Noel comes in and he looks to the bathroom watching Devon wash his hands. He doesn’t want to think about why he’d need to wash his hands and he doesn’t want to think about Cody moaning from whatever he was doing with them. Cody clears his throat, “so...how was class?”</p>
<p>“Very boring,” he says, “you hungry?”</p>
<p>“Kind of,” he says as Devon gets in bed behind him and puts his arms around his waist. His mouth is on the back of Cody’s neck kissing it while Noel shifted uncomfortably on his feet. Cody giggles and Noel feels like he could leave and they wouldn't even notice. Devon smiles against his neck, “want me to go get you some food?”</p>
<p>“Would you,” Cody asks. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” he nods, “whatever you want.”</p>
<p>"I kind of want some burgers and those fries with the outside that's a little more crispy than the other ones. You know which ones I mean?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," he nods, "I'll bring that back for you."</p>
<p>"I'll go with you," Noel says, “I feel like driving.” </p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t, but I’ve got a feeling he wants to say something to me and I’d rather he do it in front of me alone and not Cody.</em>
</p>
<p>He didn’t want to hang out with him, Devon didn’t even really like him, especially since that end of the year party. But Noel couldn’t blame Devon for hating him if he did, especially if he knew he and Cody had had sex that night. He didn’t blame him at all, but he was tired of him being on Cody nearly every second of every day. So if Devon wasn’t going to say something he’d be the one to bring up if something was wrong. And if Devon asked about him and Cody, well, he didn’t really know what he would do if that happened. He just hoped it wouldn’t. </p>
<p>“Okay,” Devon says. </p>
<p>“I’ll pay you back when I take cash out tomorrow,” Cody tells Devon.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to pay me back, baby,” he says, leaning in and kissing him, “I've got it.”</p>
<p>He smiles and Devon thumbs over his lips as he pulls away, "see you when I get back."</p>
<p>"Be careful," he says. </p>
<p>"We will," he and Devon say before they leave. </p>
<p>It’s silent when they walk to the car. There’s no talking as they get in the car. It’s all pure silence apart from the distant sounds of the city around them. When they get to a red light Noel’s the one to break the silence, "look, if you've got something to say to me just say it now. I'd rather not argue or something in front of Cody."</p>
<p>"I have nothing to say."</p>
<p>"Yes you do," he tells him, "Cody might not be able to tell but I can. You've got something to say to me. So just say it."</p>
<p>"I just can’t believe he stayed friends with you this long, that's all,” he says, not looking up from his phone.</p>
<p>“What's that mean?”</p>
<p>"I mean after the way you treated him in high school, Cody didn't deserve that."</p>
<p>"He didn't," he agrees, "but it's not like that anymore. We-"</p>
<p>"Kissed and made up," he asks, finishing his sentence for him.</p>
<p>Noel stays silent but Devon nods, "he never told me anything back then but you two were easy to read after I watched you two kiss during truth or dare."</p>
<p>"I don't know what you're talking about, that was just a dare."</p>
<p>"I know you felt something for him, I saw the way you looked at him, the way you kissed him," he says, "I know because that's how I kiss Cody."</p>
<p>He shakes his head, "I don't feel anything for him."</p>
<p>"You can't stand being in the same room as me," he informs him, "see? You're easy to read too."</p>
<p>"That doesn't meant I feel something for Cody. So, what is it? You think I hate you or something? I don't even really say anything to you. I don't even know you."</p>
<p>"You never once got to know me," he points out.</p>
<p>"Yeah, well, you've never gotten to know me either."</p>
<p>He nods, "guess you're right."</p>
<p>"Is this why you're always giving me this look," he asks, turning to look at him for a moment, "cause you think he and I had something or whatever?"</p>
<p>"Didn't you? I mean, the way you two kiss doesn't seem awkward, seems familiar. It seems like you two have kissed before."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well, it's not my place to tell you about anything like that. It's Cody's."</p>
<p>He nods and the car is silent again until Devon's speaking up again, "you know, I always wondered why you two stopped talking when he came out. I used to think you were homophobic or something but you always defended him despite not talking to him. That was the one thing I remember liking about you."</p>
<p>"I'll always defend him," he says, "he's my best friend."</p>
<p>"<em>Best friend,</em>" he nods, "interesting. You see, I asked a couple of your exes about you."</p>
<p>"Asking about me? What, you in love with me or something," he says raising his brows before giving a laugh, "I gotta be honest, you're not exactly my type."</p>
<p>"Funny," he nods, "they all felt the same way too. They all said they felt like you weren't really interested in them."</p>
<p>"So what, you think because I wasn't into them I was into Cody?"</p>
<p>"Makes sense if you were. The way you acted, how you defended him, always hung out with him, drove to the park to be alone with him, your...<em>sleepovers.</em> Just seems a little bit," he trails off before smiling, "<em>you know.</em>"</p>
<p>Devon looks out the window and Noel begins to feel defensive, "look, what Cody and I did or didn't do is none of your business."</p>
<p>"I never said it was."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well, you're asking all these questions and saying all these things and I think if you really wanna know you should just ask Cody and not me."</p>
<p>"Maybe I will," he sighs, "but it makes sense if you two did have something going on. Cody liked being around you all the time. But you had a lot of girlfriends and were almost never single. So you probably liked having him close but had to keep it a secret. Then you let all those people say all that shit about him when he came out but never admitted you were the same way. You just avoided the question and avoided him. I just think it's a real dick move."</p>
<p>"I wasn't ready to come out yet," he glares. </p>
<p>"But you were ready to cut off all contact with Cody when he was."</p>
<p>And that strikes a nerve deep in him and makes him feel like shit all over again. He turns to Devon, "you don't know a goddamn thing about that!"</p>
<p>“I know what I saw,” he says, “Cody. Friendless, unhappy, longing for the one person in the world who stuck by him through thick and thin. But when he needed you the most you ignored him. You’d rather sit with your other friends and people you didn't give a shit about than your best friend who was miserable without you.”</p>
<p>Noel swallows hard and Devon finally turns to meet his eyes, “green light.”</p>
<p>Noel turns back ahead toward the green light and drives while Devon turns to look back at the road, “you're a good friend to him now but relationship wise I'd just give up if I were you. Cody deserves so much better than you, and deep down I think you know that.”</p>
<p>“And what,” Noel asks bitterly, “you think you’re what Cody deserves?”</p>
<p>"I think he deserves someone who will love him unconditionally and would never treat him like a secret. He deserves better than that, he deserves to be treated better than some fucking side piece."</p>
<p>"Cody was never my fucking side piece! He was-"</p>
<p>He cuts himself off and shakes his head trying to focus on the road, "you have no idea what you're talking about. I was goddamn good to Cody! I might have been a certain way in high school but I'm not like that anymore."</p>
<p>He shrugs, "okay."</p>
<p>"This is fucking crazy. I don't know why I'm even talking to you about this. You're just some dickhead trying to get under my skin. You don't know shit!"</p>
<p>"I know you slept with Cody."</p>
<p>And that makes Noel's heart stop and every part of his body panic. He turns to look at him and Devon nods, only looking slightly hurt, "I know it was when he and I were together too."</p>
<p>"He told you about that?"</p>
<p>"No," he shakes his head, "but you just did. I had a hunch but I was never really sure until now. Sucks finding out, but I'm glad he got whatever you were out of his system."</p>
<p>"You seem so sure," he mumbles, regretting saying it the second it leaves his mouth.</p>
<p>"I am sure. You're a boyfriend. You're funny and cute and someone for him to fool around with. I'm a husband. I'm the one he'll settle down with. I'll be the one who takes care of him and is there for him when he needs me to be, just like I've always been," he says turning to him.</p>
<p>There's no hint of malice in his expression, he looks as if he's being honest and Noel thinks he'd feel less like shit and more angry if Devon was being cruel to him. The other man sighs, "and if he fools around with you again I'll understand. Because I know in the end he'll always come back to me. Because in the end he wont want a boyfriend, he'll want a husband. And I think you and I both know you can't be that for him."</p>
<p>"Whatever, man."</p>
<p>They pull up to the restaurant and Devon heads in, ordering his food and Cody’s, unable to get Devon’s words out of his head. <em>I could be a husband to Cody. I could be right for Cody. Devon doesn't know what he's talking about.</em> But the words play over and over in his head to the point that they start sinking in, <em>fuck, what if he's right? Cody slept with me but he didn't stay with me. He didn't want me. He wanted Devon. Shit. He's right. I'm not a husband, I'm a boyfriend. I'm a fucking boyfriend.</em></p>
<p>He gets himself the same order Cody normally gets and soon they leave. Once he’s driving again he stops by the store and gets a couple of the beers Cody likes and a few drinks for himself in the morning. Devon seems indifferent towards him and he hates it. He thinks he'd feel better if Devon hated him because that would mean he's worried about him getting involved with Cody. <em>He's not worried about me because he knows I don't stand a chance. He's not even worried about me sleeping with Cody because he knows sex is all it would be for him.</em> He tries not to let it bother him when he drives back to the dorm room to Cody’s smiling face, “hey, you two are back with the food.”</p>
<p>Devon heads to him, leaning in and kissing him as he hands him the bag. Cody takes out his burger, opening it and looking confused, “did they forget to put the other stuff on it?”</p>
<p>“That’s what you always get, right,” he asks, “the number three?”</p>
<p>“He gets the number five,” Noel says without thinking. </p>
<p>And Cody shrugs, “it’s fine. I’ll eat it like this.” </p>
<p>But then Noel gets an idea looking to Devon who’s looking at his own food. He tries not to smile, “I heard him get the wrong one so I got the number five for you, wanna trade with me?”</p>
<p>“Thanks!”</p>
<p>Devon looks at him slightly annoyed and Noel's finally smiling again, “oh, almost forgot.”</p>
<p>He hands him a beer as he trades burgers with him, “got you some of these.” </p>
<p>“Yes! You’re the best, Noe,” he says. </p>
<p>And Noel puts his hand in the soft hair, ruffling it, “I know.”</p>
<p>Cody’s smiling and eating as Devon takes the spot next to him, “sorry. I’ll remember next time.”</p>
<p>“It’s no big deal,” he says kissing his cheek after a bite of food, “shit, I just got grease all over your cheek doing that.”</p>
<p>Devon turns, kissing him, “it’s fine. It’s cute.”</p>
<p>Cody pats his face, pulling away to eat. It’s silent in the room and normally he’d be talking to Cody but with Devon around he doesn’t know what to talk about. Luckily Cody breaks the tension by stealing one of his fries. He shakes his head, “you have your own fries.” </p>
<p>"Yeah, but food just tastes better when it's not yours."</p>
<p>He takes some of Cody's fries and nods, "they do taste better."</p>
<p>Devon's quiet and Cody looks to him, touching his cheek, "are you alright?"</p>
<p>"I'm fine," he nods. </p>
<p>"Are you sure? You seem kind of off," he says, thumbing over his cheekbone.</p>
<p>
  <em>And by off he means quiet for once.</em>
</p>
<p>"I'm fine," he nods, "really."</p>
<p>Noel almost smirks,<em> he’s pissed he didn't get it right.</em></p>
<p>"You sure?"</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” he says, a little stronger than before.</p>
<p>
  <em>Looks like someone isn’t as fucking husband material as they thought.</em>
</p>
<p>"Will you stay the night," Cody asks.</p>
<p>
  <em>Again? He's stayed the night almost every night this week.</em>
</p>
<p>"Oh, is Devon staying the night," he asks, turning, "thought he had class early tomorrow."</p>
<p>"Do you," Cody asks, turning to look at him.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I've got one at eight," he admits.</p>
<p>He frowns and Devon kisses his forehead. Soon he's holding him close as he smiles against his skin, looking over his head to meet Noel’s eyes, "but I can stay."</p>
<p>He pulls back and Cody stands, "great."</p>
<p>He heads into the bathroom, closing the door and Noel’s never met someone’s eyes so fast in his life. They stare silently and Noel wouldn’t be the one to break eye contact first. Devon blinks first and a part of Noel feels like he won their not-a-staring contest. A moment passes and Cody heads out to see them looking at each other before they turn to him and he cocks his head, “is everything okay?”</p>
<p>“Everything’s good,” Devon says. </p>
<p>“Fine,” he nods, forcing a small smile. </p>
<p>“Alright...well do you guys wanna watch a movie or something?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cody goes blond and Noel meets someone who looks familiar.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s sophomore year and Noel’s getting tired of seeing Cody and Devon together. They’re everywhere and it’s near impossible for him to hang out with Cody alone. He heads towards his room hoping to god he doesn’t see them together. Ever since he’d walked in on the two of them together. He couldn’t get the sound of the moan Cody made or the face he’d made with Devon’s hand between his legs out of his head. The thought makes him sick and had him opening the door carefully and announcing himself for weeks until he supposed Cody got the hint and just decided to be with Devon in his room. He doesn’t like thinking about it but he tries not to. </p><p>He heads into his room hearing the shower until it turns off and he hears Cody, “Noel, is that you?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“I’ll be out in a second.”</p><p>He hears Cody messing around in the bathroom and he hopes to god Devon isn’t in there with him. He sets his things down and the door opens behind him, “where’s Devon? Figured he’d already be here, practically lives with us.”</p><p>“He’s gone for the day, his class is visiting a government building or something so it’s just you and me.”</p><p>Noel turns and Cody opens the door all the way. His jaw visibly drops when he sees the hair atop Cody’s head, “you dyed your hair.”</p><p>Cody brings his hand up to the blond hair, “yeah, I was talking to Devon and we were joking about how blonds have more fun so I got it dyed this morning but he left before I could show him.”</p><p>He doesn’t say anything and Cody turns to the mirror looking at his reflection, “what? You don’t like it?”</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, he’s even hot a blond.</em>
</p><p>He walks in and stands behind him looking at him in the mirror, “I like it, it’s good. It’s nice.”</p><p>Cody meets his eyes and Noel can’t help but look over him before meeting his eyes once more and nodding, “yeah, it’s, uh… yeah.”</p><p>He laughs, “must look really good if it’s enough to make <em>you</em> speechless.”</p><p>He brings Noel’s hand to his hair and Noel feels how soft it is under his fingers and he wishes they were in bed and he was pulling it while Cody was in front of him on his hands and knees. Cody speaks, “she used a special shampoo and stuff so it’s all soft now.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, “I like it, it’s cute.”</p><p>
  <em>Cute? Jesus Christ I really am fucking gay.</em>
</p><p>Cody turns to him and takes the hand out of his hair.</p><p>
  <em>I fucked up calling it cute.</em>
</p><p>“Yeah,” Cody asks, “you think I pull off the blond?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he nods, not being able to resist touching it again, “you pull it off real well.”</p><p>He lets his hand go through it and come down to the back of his neck before he’s holding the side of his face. He thumbs over his cheek wondering how pissed off Cody would be if he kissed him right now. He stays quiet and neither of them say a word. Noel thinks about picking him up and taking the towel off him, kissing him as he’s taking him back to his bed and touching him the way he knows Cody likes. The blond’s the first to break the silence, “you know, you should dye yours blond too. We could match or something.”</p><p>He drops his hand and smiles, <em>he’s got no idea how I feel about him.</em></p><p>“I don’t know about that.”</p><p>“Maybe you could do it hot pink,” Cody suggests, reaching up to touch his hair. </p><p>He’s got both hands in his hair and Noel bites his lip to keep himself from bringing up how good Cody looks and how bad he wants him in his lap the way he used to have him in his car, “yeah? Hot pink?”</p><p>“I think it’d be cool.”</p><p>His fingers go down to the back and he wants to pick him up. His hands go to his waist and he stops himself from dropping them further. Cody looks at him, eyes moving down before coming back up, “I think you’d look good.” </p><p>“Would I?”</p><p>He nods and moves closer speaking softer and Noel’s missed <em>that</em> voice. That quiet flirty voice he does whenever they’re alone and he’s waiting for him to do something. <em>Does he want me to do something,</em> he wonders. Cody’s voice snaps him from those thoughts, “yeah, maybe a little pink, maybe you could shave it all and dye the stubble platinum blond or pink. That’d be kinda dope.”</p><p>Noel moves closer to him and he decides to give Cody thirty seconds. Thirty seconds to get away from him or he’s going to kiss him. He moves his hands lower and Cody leans in closer until their noses feel as if they’re about to touch. He leans in, nudging his nose to get Cody’s mouth open. He rests his forehead against his waiting for the okay, waiting for the time to run out so he can lean in. The hands in his hair disappear and he pulls away from him, breathing out, “I should get dressed.”</p><p>And Noel’s left standing there feeling like an idiot for thinking he could have Cody again. Cody gets dressed and Noel finds himself watching until he’s getting sweat pants and a t-shirt on. He slips his arms around Cody’s waist and he goes still under his touch. He rests his forehead on the back of Cody’s neck, “I’m kind of tired. Could you sleep in my bed with me?”</p><p>“Noel,” he starts. </p><p>And he knows that voice, that voice that tells him he should know better than to try something, but he can’t help it, “just until I fall asleep.”</p><p>He gives a nod, going to his bed to lay down, and Noel feels like it’s how it should be. He thinks Cody’s arms around his pillow and his arms around him when he’s behind him is how it should always be. It’s quiet for a moment until he’s speaking softer, “it’s been a while since we’ve slept like this.”</p><p>The last time they’d slept like this was after they had sex, he wonders if Cody even remembers it. Maybe he doesn’t or maybe he does but he wants to forget it. He wouldn’t blame Cody for wanting to forget it. He was with Devon and Noel knows Cody thinks of that day as a mistake, “yeah. It has, hasn’t it?”</p><p>He remembers the way Cody’d just woken up and made Devon his priority and he feels like a fool. He knew they were dating and he kissed him anyway, touched him anyway, slept with him anyway. He should have known better. He should have known Cody’s kisses and gentle, loving touches didn’t mean what he thought they meant. He didn’t mean what he thought he meant to Cody. </p><p>He thinks about that night more than he’d like to admit. The kisses were a part of his body and the way Cody sounded was on a loop in his brain. The fingers he once felt on his skin seemed tattooed there and the way Cody’s legs had fit around him was a memory that wouldn’t leave despite how long it’d been. He presses his face closer to him, “I miss it. Used to fall asleep so easily next to you. Still do.”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>“We should do this more often. When Devon’s not here.”</p><p>“When you say it like that it makes it sound like we’re doing something wrong.”</p><p>“Yeah, but we’re not though. It’s just sleeping next to each other,” he explains, “that’s not cheating is it?”</p><p>“No,” he says, “I mean, it’s kinda weird but not cheating.”</p><p>“We should start doing it more often.”</p><p>
  <em>I can have this can’t I? Sleeping next to each other is something we can still have, can’t we?</em>
</p><p>“Yeah,” he agrees, “I mean, I guess we can. But only when Devon’s not here, he’d probably think it was weird. But he doesn’t really get it I guess.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he nods, tightening his arms around him a little more, “we’ve been friends for so long, we’re just used to sleeping like this. We're just close like that.”</p><p>“Some nights it was the only way I could fall asleep when we were kids,” Cody tells him, “remember? I could never sleep in your house unless you were next to me.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he nods, “I remember. And I could never sleep in your room unless I was holding onto you.”</p><p>“Do you think it’s weird,” Cody asks, “that we needed each other that badly?”</p><p>“No,” he says, “I still need you that badly.”</p><p>
  <em>Why the fuck would I say that?</em>
</p><p>Cody touches one of his hands resting on the his waist, “you do?”</p><p>“Of course I do,” he admits, nosing at his neck, “I’m never going to not need you.”</p><p>He lets go of his hand and Cody buries his face back in the pillow, not saying anything to that. He tries not to think about the silence that followed and how he knows it means Cody doesn’t need him the way he needs Cody. He focuses on napping and soon falls asleep behind him. He doesn’t know how long he was asleep for but when he wakes up he can feel Cody’s eyes on him, watching him the way he does when he’s sleeping quietly beside him. It used to creep him out when they were kids but he thinks it's sweet now. He can’t quite remember how many times he’d spent doing the same and trying to count how many lashes Cody had while he napped quietly beside him.</p><p>“You might as well take a picture instead of staring at me while I sleep,” he says opening his eyes.</p><p>“I was just thinking about something else. Sorry,” he says, face flushing. </p><p>He shrugs, “it’s fine.”</p><p>He reaches out and pulls Cody to his chest, closing his eyes once more, “I think that’s the best sleep I’ve had in like two years.” </p><p>“Yeah, me too.”</p><p>“Sleeping next to you is like the most relaxing thing ever or something.”</p><p>“I always fall asleep near you, even when I’m not tired.”</p><p>“Am I that boring,” he asks, hoping the answer is no. </p><p>“No. I guess I just feel safe when I’m next to you. Like nothing can hurt me because I know you’re right there,” he says, lifting his arms and putting them around him.</p><p>His head’s against his chest and Noel thinks this is how it feels to be in a relationship. It feels right and Noel’s never been so jealous of Devon in his life. He rubs Cody’s back and gives a breath of laughter, “I’m always here for you. You know that.”</p><p>“That’s not it,” he says, “you just feel like…”</p><p>He trails off and Noel gives a chuckle, beginning to worry about what he feels like compared to Devon, “what? Pillows? Bones? Comfortable?”</p><p>“You feel like home,” he says and Noel doesn’t know what to say because he gets it. He knows what he means but he has to hear him explain it to see if Cody’s description matches his. </p><p>“Home?”</p><p>He nods against his chest and Noel stops rubbing his back and instead pulls him closer before nodding along with him, “yeah. Yeah, you feel like home too, Cody.”</p><p>They pull back to look at each other and Noel finds himself reaching up to brush the blond hair from his face to see the deep green eyes he loved looking in so much. Cody’s gaze drops to his mouth and Noel wants to move closer. He looks to Cody’s mouth and remembers the shape of his lips before he can even look at them. Cody closes his eyes and he knows that means he wont pull away this time. He’s definitely waiting to be kissed.<em> He wants me to kiss him right?</em></p><p>There’s a knock on the door and Cody’s eyes open, making Noel pull from him and let him go. The voice on the other side of the door is clear, “Cody, it’s Devon, I’m back from my trip. I got something to show you.”</p><p>Cody gets out of his bed and Noel can feel the warmth beside him slowly start to leave. Cody fixes his hair and Noel pulls the blanket over his head pretending he’s anywhere else. The door opens and he can hear Devon’s smile, “you went blond.” </p><p>“You went brune.”</p><p>“Of course, thought about dyeing it ever since we talked about it.”</p><p>“Me too,” Cody says, and Noel can hear the smile in his voice. </p><p>
  <em>I’m so stupid for thinking he wanted me to kiss him. He was just closing his eyes to go back to sleep. That's it, that's all that was.</em>
</p><p>Devon begins to whisper, “is he sleeping?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Cody says, “he was earlier.”</p><p>
  <em>Liar.</em>
</p><p>“The blond is really turning me on,” Devon tells him and Noel wont listen to that shit, not in his own dorm, <em>never</em> in his own dorm, “wanna fool around?”</p><p>And Noel throws the blanket off himself glaring at Devon, “don’t even fucking think about it.”</p><p>It’s harsh and if looks could kill Devon wouldn’t be standing right now. Cody gives a small laugh to break the tension, “maybe later.”</p><p>
  <em>Maybe later? Seriously?</em>
</p><p>“We can go to my room if you want. My roommate’s at his girlfriend’s apartment so it’ll just be us there,” he says, slipping his arms around his waist.</p><p>
  <em>I’m gonna be sick.</em>
</p><p>“I feel like just sitting in bed, besides if we go to you room now then Noel’ll know what we’re doing.”</p><p>“So what? At least he wont be watching,” Devon offers, and Noel's never been so ready to pick a fight with someone. </p><p>“I don’t know,” Cody explains, “it’ll just make it feel kinda...weird. I’ll just be thinking about him the whole time and how he knows what we’re doing and it'll just take me out of it.”</p><p>He gives a laugh, “I get you. We wont do anything then. I don’t want you thinking about Noel when I touch you anyway, I know he's like a brother to you.”</p><p>
  <em>Like a brother? Has Cody really said that to him? That he thinks of me as a brother? That's worse than being in the friendzone. Friendzone you can get out of, brotherzone? Fuck. </em>
</p><p>Cody smiles and leans up to kiss his cheek, “but you can stay and watch a movie with us. Noel was telling me about a documentary we can watch.”</p><p>“I can stay here and keep my arms around you,” he asks, picking Cody up effortlessly.</p><p>Cody nods and Devon wraps the short legs around him smiling, “mhmm. Are you gonna stay with me?”</p><p>
  <em>Now he's talking to him in that flirty voice. God this is really gonna be my whole fucking night isn’t it?</em>
</p><p>Devon kisses him longer until Cody holds on tighter to him, “you’d better sit or you’ll drop me.”</p><p>“I'm not gonna drop you, you’re not even heavy. I could hold you like this for hours.”</p><p>
  <em>Alright, fucking show off. We get it. You are clearly more fit than I am.</em>
</p><p>Cody smiles and Devon kisses him again slower, making Noel want to cover his own eyes until Cody pulls back, “I get it, you work out and you’re stronger than me.” </p><p>“I have to be if I’m going to carry you over the threshold after we get married.”</p><p>
  <em>Married? They haven’t talked about marriage yet, have they? Cody never mentioned marriage. Have they talked about it? Has he asked Cody? He’s not wearing a ring right?</em>
</p><p>Cody cocks his head, “after we get married?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says sitting down on the bed with him, “we’ll graduate, get an apartment, save up for a house, and get married.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh god he’s got it all planned.</em>
</p><p>“You have it all planned out already,” he asks.</p><p>He nods, “have ever since I met you.”</p><p>
  <em>Jesus Christ I’m gonna throw up.</em>
</p><p>Cody doesn’t say anything and Noel can’t help himself, he’s trying to keep the bile down when he speaks, “you guys ready to watch this murder documentary or not?”</p><p>Devon turns to him and Cody turns too. Noel gives him a fake smile and Cody nods, “uh yeah, go ahead and play it.”</p><p><br/>
 <br/>
---</p><p> </p><p>There was a guy in his class who looked like Cody from behind. He’d been thinking about it every class for a while now. He couldn’t have Cody, there really was no next best thing, but there was someone who could allow him to pretend for a minute. The guy’s nice, quiet, gay, and interested in him. Noel had been chatting with him for a few classes but wasn’t really interested in his personality. He wasn’t bad to look at though, he was cute and Noel thinks he needed that.</p><p>He doesn’t remember the line that did it but he did know that he’d invited the blond to his dorm. Cody wouldn’t be back for a while so they had about an hour to kill. The blond shows up at his dorm and Noel keeps the talking to a minimum. He takes the blond’s clothes off, kissing him wherever trying to get him to make the same sounds Cody makes. It’s close but not quite. The pitch is off, maybe the tone, he couldn’t figure it out what, but it was different. He can’t bring himself to look at the guy either because he knows it'll take him out of it. </p><p>He undoes his pants, unwilling to undress fully the way the other man had. He takes off his shirt and gets his jeans down around the top of his thighs before he's got the blond up on his knees in front of him. He kisses his neck and when he’s lubed up he’s pushing inside him, desperate to feel something. He fucks into him slow and the guy might have been quiet outside the bedroom but he was louder in bed. Noel found it embarrassing but soon didn’t really mind when his whimpers started to sound like Cody’s. </p><p>He holds onto his hip and puts his free hand on the back of his neck making him look to the corner. He moans and Noel fucks into him harder and rougher and the sounds he makes make him feel better. The door opens and he turns seeing Cody who’s wide eyed as he closes the door quickly. A part of him feels like going after him but the other part tells him Cody isn’t his and that this doesn’t concern him. The guy moans again and somehow seeing Cody’s face made it feel better. The guy moans again, “please! Fuck me, ah! Fuck me please!”</p><p>He keeps going, leaning in close to his ear, “you want the whole floor to hear what a needy little slut you are?”</p><p>He moans and Noel’s fingers find his mouth, “shh. Just shut that pretty mouth of yours and take it quietly like a good boy.”</p><p>He moans around his fingers and it feels more like Cody. He moves faster and soon the guy cums with his own hand wrapped around his dick and Noel’s thrusting faster before holding the guy closer and groaning against his back. The blond pants and Noel looks down seeing the cum only got on the guy’s hand and not on his bed, “thanks for not cumming on my sheets.” </p><p>He hands the guy some tissues when he pulls his fingers from his mouth. He cleans himself up and Noel removes the condom before pulling up his jeans. The guy quickly gets dressed and soon stands, “so when can we do this again?”</p><p>Noel shrugs, “I don't know. I’ll let you know something.”</p><p>He smiles, “alright, well, you know where to find me if you're interested.”</p><p>He leaves and Noel finds himself taking a shower to wash the feeling from his skin. The touch of someone who wasn’t Cody feels weird. Kissing him was different. Cody was softer, more sensitive and responsive. The other guy just felt different in nearly every way. He orders food when he waits for Cody to come home, but he doesn’t come back. He checks his phone seeing the message from Cody. </p><p>
  <strong>Cody: You hungry?</strong>
</p><p>He text back hoping for a response. </p><p>
  <em>Noel: Sorry about that. Thought you had class for longer. I just ate, you wanna hang out now? He’s gone.</em>
</p><p>He sends the text but Cody doesn’t respond. He assumes by now Cody’s at Devon’s and decides to go get him. He heads to his dorm trying not to think about what they were doing. He shakes his head, they wouldn’t be sleeping together, not after what Cody saw him doing. He was probably telling Devon all about it. He gets to the right floor and heads over to the door before hears two people, “you like that?”</p><p>“Yeah, feels good.”</p><p>
  <em>That’s Cody.</em>
</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Cody says.</p><p>“Fuck, say my name.”</p><p>“De—ah! Devon!”</p><p>
  <em>God, they’re actually fucking?</em>
</p><p>He turns around when he hears a kissing sound, “you feel good, Cody.”</p><p>And he wants to throw up, the thought of Devon inside Cody making him feel gross all over, but he doesn't feel nauseous until he hears Cody's voice again.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>And Noel’s heart drops at those words as he finds the nearest trash can and actually throws up. </p><p>
  <em>I can’t hear anymore of this, I need to go. I have to go right now.</em>
</p><p>He heads for his dorm, regretting leaving in the first place. He regrets sleeping with the other guy and wonders if Cody went to Devon’s because of it. He knows he walked in but he didn’t have to stay at Devon’s. He could have waited a little longer. <em>Maybe I should have just stopped fucking him the second he saw me.</em> He looks at Cody’s bed seeing it all made with no one laying in it. For a moment he thinks about going over and sleeping there but decides against it, sure that it would only make him feel more lonely. </p><p>He closes his eyes trying not to think about the things he’d heard both of them say, but the words wont leave his mind. He finds some melatonin and takes it hoping it’ll kick in soon. He wishes the day would end and he'd wake up, that it would all just be a dream. But he can’t seem to sleep. He stays up all night tossing and turning trying to get comfortable enough to pass out. Eventually he just stays still and when Cody came in during the middle of the night in Devon’s clothes he pretended not to notice.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Might fuck around and upload again tomorrow.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Noel finds out how Cody really feels.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s his third year and he doesn’t really see Cody as much as he wants to. After hearing him tell Devon he loved him it made his chest hurt just being around him. He couldn’t look at him anymore without picturing Devon on top of him. They never spoke about Cody walking in that day and Noel never brought up the fact that he’d heard the words Cody said to Devon. He hung out with Spock more, picked up more shifts at work, but no matter how many things he did to keep his mind busy it always seemed to be on Cody. </p><p>He heads back to his room and the second he opens the door he notices Cody wearing nothing but a hoodie and underwear as he works on homework. Devon wasn’t there surprisingly and he sets his things down, kicking off his shoes before laying in his own bed. His arm comes over his eyes as he tries not to think about how skin tight Cody's underwear is. Before he can think about it too much Cody speaks up, “long day?”</p><p>He moves his arm and looks over at him, “yeah, something like that.”</p><p>“Well, we could hang out, do you wanna go somewhere?”</p><p>“Not really. Why are you still here anyway? Thought you’d be hanging out with your boyfriend today.”</p><p>The words come out a little more harsh than he intended and Cody notices, "why are you pissed at me?"</p><p>"I'm not," he sighs, "I've just got a headache. I didn't mean to snap at you.  I'm sorry."</p><p>"It's okay," he says, "and Devon's out of town. He left for a week to go work with some tech company and see if he'd be a good fit there."</p><p>“Yeah,” he asks not really paying too much attention.</p><p>“Yeah, if he gets the job he’ll be getting paid a lot and he’ll be able to finish college up there.”</p><p>“If he gets the job he’ll be leaving? How far away is it?” </p><p>“I mean it’s in New York so pretty far I guess.”</p><p>“And he’d be going there, like, living there?”</p><p>
  <em>Devon’ll be leaving?</em>
</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>
  <em>What about Cody though?</em>
</p><p>“So you two are going to do long distance or…?”</p><p>Cody shrugs, “we’ve talked about long distance and everything but I’m not sure yet. We’ll probably talk more about it when he gets back.”</p><p>He nods but doesn’t say anything else to that, the long distance thing makes all his tiredness go away and all he can think about is having Cody next to him. Cody smiles, “we could play video games if you want.”</p><p>“Nah.” </p><p>“Watch TV?”</p><p>“No, I don’t feel like doing that either.”</p><p>“Well, what do you wanna do?” </p><p>“Come here,” he says, turning on his side and opening his arms.</p><p>Cody gets up and walks over, laying down beside him. He puts his arms around the blond’s waist and holds him tight, resting his head on the back of his, “we haven’t slept together in a while.”</p><p>“You’ve been gone,” he says, and Noel can hear the bitterness in his tone.</p><p>“I should come back more often,” he tells him, pulling him closer.</p><p>“Yeah, you should.”</p><p>He nods, “yeah. I should.”</p><p>Noel pulls the blanket over both of them and tries to relax. But there’s a scent that doesn’t belong to either of them that lingers in his nose. He can’t help but bring it up, “new cologne?”</p><p>“It’s Devon’s hoodie.”</p><p>
  <em>Of course it is.</em>
</p><p>“Can you take it off, the smell is making my eyes water.”</p><p>
  <em>It’s not but I don’t want to feel like I’m lying next to Devon while I’m in my bed with Cody.</em>
</p><p>To his surprise Cody doesn’t protest and takes it off, tossing it onto his bed before laying back down. His arms find their way back around him and soon he’s pressing his face against the back of his neck comfortably. He smiles, unable to smell the cologne from before, “I missed sleeping with you.”</p><p>“There's probably a better way to phrase that,” Cody says giving a small laugh.</p><p>“I missed sleeping<em> next</em> to you,” he offers, “missed just being near you. Feel like I haven’t really seen you in a while.”</p><p>
  <em>Mainly because I’ve been avoiding you.</em>
</p><p>“It’s fine,” Cody says, “figured you were with your boyfriend anyway.”</p><p>“Boyfriend?”</p><p>“Is that not what you call him,” he asks. </p><p>“Oh,” he says remembering Cody walking in on him. He gives an awkward laugh, “you mean the guy you saw with me that day.”</p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“I was wondering when we’d talk about that.” </p><p>“Thought it'd be weird to bring up," he tells him, "felt like you should be the one to do that, you were the one having sex with him after all."</p><p>“He’s not my boyfriend, he and I were just paired up together in class.”</p><p>“Is that all,” Cody asks, “you were just paired up?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, “he’s just someone I got paired up with who caught my eye.”</p><p>
  <em>Because he looks like you.</em>
</p><p>“He caught your eye?”</p><p>He nods, “yeah, caught my eye when I walked in. Just some pretty blond I could fuck around with.”</p><p>“So, do you still see him,” he asks, “is he your boy?”</p><p>He laughs, “no. He’s not my boy. He’s just someone I slept with, didn’t mean anything. Don’t think I’ve ever had anyone I’d call my boy.”</p><p>“Thought I was,” Cody says, “you call me your boy in front of people.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, “but that’s to let them know we’re friends. You’re not <em>my boy.</em>”</p><p>“Right,” Cody says softer. </p><p>And Noel can’t help himself. He presses his mouth against the back of his neck, “you’re my girl.”</p><p>Cody doesn’t say anything to that and he finds himself moving one hand down to his hip while the other goes under Cody’s shirt to rest on his stomach. It's too touchy and Noel knows he shouldn't be trying something with him, but his skin is soft and he smells good. But this would be it, he wasn’t going to try anything else. The silence makes him unsure of himself and he thinks maybe he should stop. Cody’s hand comes up and rests on top of his and he knows this is okay. His voice lowers to a whisper, “you are still my girl aren’t you, Cody?”</p><p>Cody stays silent and he’s about to take his hands off him when the blond nods in front of him, “yeah. I’m still your girl.”</p><p>“Always?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, taking his hand off his, “always.”</p><p>Noel’s hand goes from his stomach to his hip and Cody tenses up, sucking in a small breath when he touches a certain part of his hip Noel knows is sensitive. He mouths the blond’s neck and only puts soft kisses on his skin. They’re long and slow and Cody’s touching one of his hands again. He noses at the skin just under the collar of his shirt, loving the way Cody lets out a small sigh at the contact. His hand moves along the waistband of his underwear and he likes the way his stomach rises under his touch. Cody moves back against him and freezes when he feels how hard he is. He doesn’t kiss his neck again, he stays still waiting for Cody to get up or leave but when he stays in bed with him he speaks, “Cody?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I wasn’t really tired,” he tells him, “I just wanted you next to me.”</p><p>“I know." </p><p>He finally moves his hand down over Cody's underwear and he can feel how hard his is and how bad he wants this too. He palms over him slow, kissing the back of his neck. When Cody moans he turns him over so he can face him. He gets one hand up Cody’s shirt, while the other keeps rubbing him through his underwear. He teases at one of his nipples and Cody moans the way Noel remembers, looking in his eyes. He takes the sight in for a moment before closing his eyes and pressing his head to Cody’s, “I want you so fucking bad right now.”</p><p>He moans again and Noel leans in to kiss him until Cody's interrupting him swiftly, “Devon wants me to go to New York with him.”</p><p>And just like that the mood is ruined and he stops everything he’s doing. He sits up and opens his eyes and Cody moves to sit up too as he gives him a look of disbelief, “what?”</p><p>“We talked about long distance and we talked about me moving there with him and about how I could be transferred there after this semester if I wanted to.”</p><p>“Do you want to,” he asks and he hopes the answer is no. </p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>“New York is far away,” he explains.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“So what’s the plan? You go there for a while and come back?”</p><p>“The move would be more permanent, Devon wants to stay there because if he does it’ll be easier for him to rise up and get promoted and be able to transfer to another office.”</p><p>“Is there another office around here?”</p><p>"Yeah, but he can't transfer there because they're only hiring for certain positions. He'd have to get promoted in New York to be transferred. And the other issue with that is that he doesn't want to transfer here. He wants to be transferred to the main branch. In California."</p><p>
  <em>California?</em>
</p><p>“California? Why California? Why not here?”</p><p>“He thinks California would be a good place to raise kids when we’re married.”</p><p>“Kids? Married? You really plan on marrying him?” </p><p>“He’s a good guy. He’s a really good guy and he loves me despite knowing what I’ve done behind his back. He cares about me and wants good things for me, he’s-”</p><p>“Mr. Right,” he finishes for him. </p><p>He nods and Noel shakes his head, “so what does that make me?”</p><p>Cody opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything and he thinks the silence hurts worse than if he had said something. Noel gets him on his back and moves one leg between his, “what is this to you? What am I to you?”</p><p>He doesn’t answer him and Noel wants him to say something, <em>do something.</em> He wants him to push him away and tell him he means nothing. He leans in closing the gap between them. He’s kissing him hard and Cody moans against his mouth while he’s grinding against his thigh. Noel hadn't expected him to keep going, but he's not going to stop until he tells him to. Cody moans and holds onto him when he moves to kiss his neck. He soon slides his hand down the front of Cody’s underwear and when he’s got his cock in his hand he can feel how much it’s leaking. He gives a breath of laughter, “I must be something to you. Fucking look at you.”</p><p>He moans when Noel grips him a little tighter and thumbs over the head of his cock, “already this wet just from a few kisses.”</p><p>Cody’s cheeks burn red and soon he’s digging his fingernails into his skin through his shirt making Noel grit his teeth for a moment. A part of him is making fun of Cody for being this sensitive but a part of him wants to see if saying it makes Cody want this more. The blond tries to stay quiet and Noel can’t resist smiling and dropping his voice low the way Cody likes, “you really are my girl, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Shut up,” he whispers.</p><p>“He ever get you this wet,” he asks.</p><p>“Noel,” he breathes. </p><p>“Does he,” he asks again, pulling Cody’s underwear off before taking his own shirt off. He gets the lube from his drawer and spreads it over his fingers waiting for Cody to stop him but he just watches instead. He moves his hand between his legs circling two fingers around his hole before pushing them inside him. He lets out a small sound that has Noel’s cock straining against his jeans. He stretches him open until Cody’s holding onto his face and kissing him. The blond pants between each kiss and Noel undoes his pants getting his own zipper down with his free hand. His cock feels better and he moves to whisper in Cody’s ear, “do you think about him when I touch you?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>The response is near immediate and Noel pulls his pants off, kissing him the second he tosses them into the floor. His fingers move around until he finds the spot that’s always made Cody weak. He moans and holds onto the front of his shirt tight as he pants in his ear. Noel noses against his skin, “do you think about me when he fucks you?”</p><p>“Yes,” he breathes out.</p><p>He gets his underwear down with one hand and grabs the lube again as he crooks his fingers inside him. Cody looks down between their bodies, breath uneven as he holds onto him. His cock falls against his and he wonders if Cody's really going to let him fuck him. He spreads his legs underneath him and Noel chuckles, kissing his neck, "do you spread your legs this easily for your boyfriend?"</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Just for me,” he asks. </p><p>“Just for you,” he tells him, holding onto his shoulders. </p><p>And there’s a certain satisfaction from knowing that. He pulls his fingers out and gets lube onto his hand before lubing his cock and easing it inside him. Cody’s arms go under his and hold onto his shoulders when he pushes in deeper, “this what you want, Cody?”</p><p>He nods, “yes!”</p><p>He pulls Cody’s legs around himself and moves his hips between his, “just needed me to touch you again, didn’t you?”</p><p>He gasps under him when he thrusts in just right and soon Noel feels teeth sink into his shoulder to hold back a sound. Noel sucks on the spot under his ear and Cody’s nails dig into his skin once more. Noel groans but doesn’t complain, “just needed someone who knows your body like the back of their hand.”</p><p>He moans again and Noel lifts him up. He’s on his knees and when he moves Cody onto his lap he likes how it feels to hold him again. Cody groans and looks at him before Noel leans in and kisses him, “you want it so bad, don’t you, baby boy?”</p><p>"Yes," he pleads.</p><p>"Show me how bad you want it," he orders.</p><p>He lifts himself up and when he comes back down his breath is short and fast, his cock angled inside him just right. Each time Cody comes down his body trembles and quakes and Noel tries not to smile when he’s kissing his neck again just the way he likes it, “come on, Cody, I know how bad you want it. You’re practically shaking.”</p><p>“Noel,” he whimpers.</p><p>“It’s okay, baby, I got you,” he tells him, kissing down his neck, “I got you.”</p><p>Cody leans back trying to angle his body a certain way and Noel takes advantage of the position and leans forward, rolling his tongue over one of his nipples. Cody’s body jerks forward, up and away from his tongue before his hips sink back down and he lets out a throaty moan. He raises his hips up and lets himself move wildly on his cock. Cody’s hands go to his chest, sliding up his shoulders before leaning in and kissing him. And Noel’s missed Cody sounding like this. The blond’s lips ghost over his and that’s when the words slip out of Cody’s mouth, “I love you.”</p><p>Noel looks over his face and Cody smiles, riding him without stopping as he nods, “I love you.”</p><p>He doesn’t say anything back and Cody’s got a look in his eyes that he doesn’t understand. His body jerks and soon he leans in kissing him again but Noel doesn’t kiss back. He doesn’t know what to say. It was cruel how he could just say it like that. He had to know how Noel feels about him. Before he can say anything or stop Cody kisses the places around his mouth, “I love you, Noel Miller. I’ve always loved you.”</p><p>His arms go around Noel’s neck Cody rests his head atop his own arm near his ear as he lifts himself, “I’ll always love you.”</p><p>Cody cums fast but doesn’t stop when he’s done. He keeps moving his hips even though Noel’s sure he’s oversensitive by now. He kisses the side of his face still talking to him, "do you want me in a different position? I can face the other way."</p><p>Cody touches his face and pulls from him, "do you not like when I talk to you like this? I thought you would."</p><p>He doesn’t say anything. Cody gives a smile, touching his face the way he’s sure he’s touched Devon’s hundreds of times, “just tell me what you like and I can-”</p><p>He doesn’t let him finish talking and instead he gets Cody on his back, thrusting hard and kissing him again to shut him up. Cody moans under him, holding on and spreading his legs apart more allowing him to go deeper. He hums against his lips and soon Noel finds himself cumming inside him. He isn’t sure why he says it but he does, “fuck, Cody. Never does take too long to make you cum for me, but you've always been easy. I've always liked that about you.”</p><p>The words come out of his mouth colder than ice, but he doesn’t apologize. He doesn’t let the sweet words he'd heard fool him into believing Cody’s serious. Cody’s still not sure about New York, he couldn’t possibly mean them. He’d told Devon he loved him during sex, he’s sure he only said it just now because he felt like he had to. The look in Cody's eyes is pure disgust before he's even looking at him. He's pushed off him quickly and soon Cody turns away, looking filled with immediate regret. Noel catches his breath letting the anger and sadness take over when he speaks, “that was fun.”</p><p>"I cannot believe I just did that. I told myself that would never happen again."</p><p>
  <em>I was right, it didn’t mean anything.</em>
</p><p>He shrugs, “you just needed a good fuck.”</p><p>He stands, pulling on his underwear and heading into the bathroom to calm down and clean himself off. He couldn’t stop seeing the look on Cody’s face, how his expression went from loving what they were doing to him looking at him as if he were repulsive. He cleans himself off and gets out of the bathroom. The second he’s out Cody heads in and closes the door behind him turning on the shower. It hurts but Noel guesses he should have seen it coming.</p><p>He thinks about what they just did and soon pulls on some pajama bottoms and a shirt before sitting on his bed, waiting for him to come out of the bathroom. When he’s out he’s ignoring him, pulling on underwear and deodorant as he gets dressed in front of the mirror. Noel finds himself looking at him and wondering what he should say, if he should say anything at all. Cody gets a shirt on and picks up Devon’s hoodie from the floor, pulling it on. Noel can’t help the bitter breath of laughter he releases as Cody lays in his own bed, pulling the blanket over his shoulder. He gets up, unable to have Cody mad at him.</p><p>Noel lays down behind him, pulling the blanket back and getting under it with him, “you’re quiet.”</p><p>“Just thinking.”</p><p>Noel puts his arms around him, “I’ve been thinking too. You said Devon’ll be gone for a week.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“We could fool around a little more then couldn’t we?”</p><p>Noel knows the answer’s no but a part of him hopes he’s reading this situation wrong. He leans in, kissing the back of his neck, “you and me? I can do that thing I used to do for you, always had you begging for more.”</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>“Was this just a one time thing?”</p><p>“I think so, yeah,” he says. </p><p>He lets go of him with a breath of laughter, “right, yeah. Obviously.”</p><p>“I love Devon. What I said during sex... I didn't mean it.” </p><p>And the words cut deeper than he expected as he gets up from his bed, “yeah, I know.”</p><p>“Maybe I should stay in his room for tonight.”</p><p>“Okay,” he says, getting back in his own bed and facing the wall, “I think I’m gonna get some sleep. I’m tired.”</p><p>He hears the blond walk around and gather his keys without so much as a word. He blinks back tears, pulling the blanket up over his shoulder, “night, Cody.”</p><p>“Night, Noel.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>He lays in Cody’s bed when he leaves, unable to go back to his that felt colder and lonelier. And when the blond comes in during the middle of the night he hopes he’d lay in bed with him. He goes to Noel’s bed, laying down and when he knows Cody’s asleep he gets up and slips in behind him, trying not to wake him. He puts his arms around his stomach and his face is close to his neck. He can smell Devon’s cologne and it reminds him that this is all he gets. This is all he’ll ever get. Cody turns over in his arms, eyes wide awake and Noel gives a weak smile, pushing the blond hair from his eyes. He looks over him, taking in his features while the moon's illuminating his face. Cody cups his cheek and Noel presses his nose against his, closing his eyes. He’d be okay with this eventually. He can be whatever Cody needs him to be.</p><p>Cody’s mouth is soon on his and Noel knows where this’ll lead. The kisses start off slow but soon get faster, more desperate and Noel’s hating how much he loves it. He pulls off his shirt and Cody takes off his own pajama pants. When they’re gone he slides his hand up Cody’s shirt, tracing his fingers along his ribs as he grinds his hips into his.</p><p>
  <em>Whatever he wants. Whatever he needs me to be I can be.</em>
</p><p>He takes the hoodie and shirt off Cody and pulls off the underwear, tossing them to the floor as his lips make their way down his chest. Cody closes his eyes and Noel understands that. Cody doesn’t want to look at him when he does this. Noel kisses his thighs, “turn over for me.”</p><p>He listens to him and flips onto his stomach without hesitation. Noel spreads him open, licking over his hole and seeing Cody pull a pillow close to hide his face in it. He flicks his tongue over his hole before pushing it in. Cody moans and he sounds just like he used to. He wondered if Devon ever did this for him, if he even knew how much Cody loved it. Noel soon pulls back and sucks his fingers into his mouth before pushing them inside him. The second they find the right place Cody moans. His fingers massage it the way he likes and Noel moves up to kiss his shoulder, “do you like it when I touch you here?”</p><p>He nods and Noel pulls down his sweatpants and underwear to free his cock. It’s leaking and he wonders if Cody notices it dripping on his back. Cody turns and looks up and Noel kisses him, smiling when Cody moans against his mouth. His cock rests against his ass and Noel wants to fuck him already. His fingers keep going faster and he can feel Cody’s hole clenching and unclenching around his fingers, “you want my cock inside you?”</p><p>He nods, “please?”</p><p>“I love the way you say please,” he tells him kissing his skin, “say it again.”</p><p>“Please?”</p><p>He keeps thrusting his fingers inside him, making sure to keep them hitting his prostate, “think you’ll cum if I keep doing this?”</p><p>Cody nods and he keeps going, “Noel!”</p><p>“Just a little more,” he nods, “just a minute and I promise I’ll fuck you.”</p><p>He whines and he knows that sound. He moans into the pillow and Noel knows he came. His fingers keep going until Cody reaches back to stop his hand, “stop, stop, stop.”</p><p>Noel takes his fingers out and reaches for the drawer, pulling out lube and pouring it between Cody’s ass. He pulls his cheeks apart and watches it run over Cody’s hole. He pushes the head of his cock against it and Cody lets out a shaky breath, “too much. It’s too much.”</p><p>He leans down, kissing his shoulder, “you don’t want it?”</p><p>“I do but I don’t know if I can do that twice.”</p><p>“Do you want to try?”</p><p>He nods and Noel helps him up onto his knees in front of him. He pushes in further and Cody reaches back, holding onto his arm as he bottoms out. His body’s shaking and Noel turns his head so he looks at him. He kisses him, “you’re shaking, it feel that good?”</p><p>He nods and tears begin to form in his eyes. He keeps Cody still and doesn’t move for a second, “do you want me to stop?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>"Are you sure? You don't have to worry about me getting off, baby," he explains, "this is all for you."</p><p>"I want you to keep going."</p><p>"Okay.”</p><p>He reaches around him and smiles, “you really made a mess of those sheets, didn’t you?”</p><p>He swallows and Noel pulls back his hips thrusting slowly until Cody’s letting out a throaty moan and laying his head back against his shoulder, “Noel.”</p><p>“You take it so good, Cody.”</p><p>He whines and it only makes Noel go faster, “take all of it real good, don’t you?”</p><p>He moans and Noel puts his fingers near Cody’s mouth. The blond opens without being asked and sucks on his fingers while he thrusts inside him. He groans around them, holding onto both of Noel’s arms. A hot tongue rolls against each finger and Noel kisses his neck, “can you move your hips back for me?”</p><p>He moves his hips back, fucking himself on his cock and Noel gives a breath of laughter, “that’s it, just like that, baby boy.”</p><p>Noel uses one hand to reach down and jerk Cody off, only getting him to whine louder. The fingers in his mouth muffle the sound and one of Cody's hands grip his wrist tight, slowing down his hand and his hips begin to stutter. Noel kisses his neck, “keep going.”</p><p>Cody moves his hips and Noel finds himself panting against his skin, “fuck, look at me.”</p><p>He turns his head, eyes half-lidded and watering.  He takes his fingers from his mouth, feeling drool running down them, “you alright?”</p><p>He nods, leaning in and kissing him. He strokes his cock slow and Cody’s nails dig into his forearm. He stops and locks their fingers together against Cody’s stomach, “god you’re fucking beautiful.”</p><p>He kisses him gentler before and smiles, “can’t believe you’re my girl.”</p><p>Cody moves faster when he says it and Noel finds himself holding onto him tighter. He looks over his face, watching tears run down his cheeks as he pants and moans. He’s sure the entire floor hates them both by now, but he doesn’t stop until he’s moaning louder. Noel holds back a groan as he cums inside him. He keeps going despite how sensitive his dick gets and after a few more thrusts Cody cums too. He reaches back, holding onto the back of Noel’s neck when he stops. He leans in close, touching his nose to Noel’s before catching his breath against his lips, “I’ll always be your girl.”</p><p>He gives Noel one last kiss before pulling from him and getting off the bed. He’s on his feet and Noel looks after him and when Cody uses his head to gesture to the bathroom Noel gets up and follows him in. Noel goes to the other side of the shower that has more shower heads, turning his on and letting it get hot. He spins around, watching the water slide down Cody’s skin. He watches him wash himself before moving closer and setting his hands on his hips, “need any help?</p><p>He hands a loofah to him, “will you get my back?”</p><p>He holds back a joke about already getting his back and just washes his skin while keeping an arm around his waist. Cody holds his hand and he can’t help but smile. After a few minutes the other man speaks up, “do you still wanna fool around a little bit more? Just until the week’s over?”</p><p>“Thought you said it was a one time thing.” </p><p>“Yeah, well, I change my mind. So if you still want to then I still want to.”</p><p>“So you’re all mine for the rest of the week,” he asks, slipping his other arm around his waist before kissing on the back of his neck.</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, and his voice has a smile, “I’m all yours.”</p><p>He turns him around and kisses him as he pulls Cody’s body closer to his own. He loves the way their lips are still familiar with each other and it reminds him of when he would make out with Cody at the park. The way Cody would sit in his lap and grind against him. He missed it, how he'd look up at him when his cock was in his mouth, the cute and desperate sounds he'd make when his fingers were inside him while he left hickeys all over his body, the way he'd moan and grind against their pillows when he'd stick his tongue inside him. It was why going to clubs with him was so hard, especially with how clingy Cody would get while he was drunk. He’d practically sit in his lap and he couldn’t count how many times he'd wanted to suck Cody off when they got back to the dorms just to feel his hands in his hair one more time, just to feel his thighs on his shoulders one more time. Things just felt right with him, they always have. Cody just feels like the person he’s supposed to spend the rest of his life with. </p><p>When he pulls from him Noel can’t stop the smile from forming on his face, “I think I could do that forever.”</p><p>“Kiss?”</p><p>“Kiss you.”</p><p>Cody’s arms go around his torso and hold onto him. It’s nice and it makes him feel like he’s his. When the week is over he’ll be hurt, he knows that, but for now he could pretend. He traces circles on Cody’s hips, “so, what do you want to do this week?”</p><p>“I want you to keep touching me.”</p><p>“I’ll keep my hands all over you,” he promises.</p><p>“I want you to kiss me like that.”</p><p>“If that’s what you want.”</p><p>“I want you to fuck me.”</p><p>He lets out a short laugh, “you don’t have to ask for that one.”</p><p>He lays against his chest and Noel wonders if Cody can hear how fast his heart’s beating in his chest, “and I want to sleep in your bed with you.”</p><p>“Do you want me to hold you every night,” he asks, “just for the rest of the week?”</p><p>“Just for the rest of the week,” he repeats.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>He wakes up with him in his arms as Cody’s eyes soon open. He’s on his side while the other man's turning to lay on his back to see him. He smiles up at him and Noel sits up slightly, head propped up by his hand, “morning.”</p><p>“Morning.”</p><p>He leans in, kissing him and it feels too coupley, too domestic, like they’re married and greeting each other with morning kisses was part of their routine. The two continue to kiss and Noel can’t shake the feeling of how soft it all is, how sweet Cody tastes and how pretty he looks in his bed. He pulls back, “I gotta piss.”</p><p>He gets up, leaving Cody for a moment as he goes to the bathroom. When he comes back he crawls in bed moving to kiss him once more and pick up where they left off but Cody speaks up, “I gotta piss.”</p><p>He gets up and rushes to the bathroom and Noel wonders if his breath is bad or something. Cody stays in there for longer and he tries not to think about if the blond’s already getting tired of this. He sits up in bed, waiting patiently for him. Eventually the sink kicks on and soon Cody’s out of the bathroom. He smiles at him, hoping this thing they were doing was still okay, “there you are. Come here.”</p><p>He holds out his hands, stretching and curling his fingers to get him to come closer, “wanna kiss you. I wanna kiss my girl.”</p><p>Cody sits in his lap and he can tell the blond’s already hard. It makes him a little cocky and it feels like he should take his time. Despite being slightly smaller than Cody, the other man always looked smaller when he sat in his lap. He didn’t know if it was the angles or the innocent look he always had in his eyes, but it was nice. It made him feel good, hot, like Cody was under <em>his</em> thumb instead of the other way around. It made him feel like Cody needed him just as much as he needed the other man. He holds his face in his hands, smiling at him and while the other man gives him a desperate look that makes him even harder.</p><p>The blond leans in, kissing him and reaching up to touch his face. He moves his hands down to rest on Cody’s hips and Noel’s fingers feel the fabric of the hoodie that belonged to him. Cody looked good in his clothes and he remembers him wearing his hoodies all the time, but ever since he started dating Devon he just hadn’t put one on in a while. His hands move lower, sliding up the leg holes of Cody’s underwear to grope his ass. He moved the blond forwards and backwards over his erection and he couldn’t get over just how much he loved the small moans Cody let out when he rubbed against him just right. He takes his hands out of his underwear and slides up the back of the hoodie and t-shirt Cody wore so he could pull him closer. Cody continued to rock his hips over him and he deepened their kiss, remembering just how much Cody always liked this part. He pulls from his mouth to breathe and rests his head against his smiling as he closes his eyes, “god I missed doing this. Just making out with you.”</p><p>“I like making out with you too,” he says, “you’re a really good kisser.”</p><p>He opens his eyes, “yeah?”</p><p>He nods and he moves his hands to his sides, watching him try not to laugh as his fingers tickle at his skin. He moves Cody onto his back and grinds down against him, “you’re even better.”</p><p>He kisses him again, grinding into him while he keeps their lips locked. Cody’s eyes are closed and he likes watching his brows move with each move of his hips. Soon gets his underwear off, spreading his legs apart as he grabs some lube. He doesn’t break away from his mouth and when he wets his fingers he presses two inside him. Cody moans, the kiss ending as he tilts his head back, “fuck!”</p><p>He moves his mouth down his chin and his teeth nip at his skin. He wants to leave marks all over Cody’s neck but when he thinks about it he remembers Devon and wonders if Cody’s okay with it. He twists his fingers inside him and he moans again, “Noel!”</p><p>“I want you, Cody.”</p><p>He nods and parts his legs for him and Noel twists his fingers once more before scissoring them and angling them just right. When he finds the right spot Cody cries out and holds onto him tighter. He’s breathing heavy and eventually Cody speaks up, “stop.”</p><p>He pulls from him, fingers stopping, “what is it? Did I do something wrong?”</p><p>“No,” he tells him, reaching up to hold his face as he kisses him. He breathes a little more before whispering against his mouth, “I just want you inside me.”</p><p>He nods, pulling off the rest of his clothes before he’s pouring lube on his erection and pushing himself inside him as far as he can. Cody moans and Noel pulls off the hoodie and t-shirt off his body, tossing them so he can see all of him. He slips his arms around him and holds him as he rolls his hips against his, “this what you wanted? Huh? This what you need?”</p><p>“Yes,” he breathes. </p><p>He nods and kisses him again and Cody’s hands come up to hold his face, “yes, god, I need it so much.”</p><p>He mouths down his neck until he gets towards Cody’s ear, “that feel good?”</p><p>“Feels so fucking good, Noel,” he says, “you always feel so fucking good.”</p><p>He sucks on his neck and tries not to cum when Cody says that. The blond's fingers find his hair and pull him away from his throat. He looks down at his skin, “is that not okay?”</p><p>Cody pauses before letting go, “no, it’s fine.”</p><p>He goes back to sucking hickeys on his neck and his teeth scrape against his skin as he moans. He lets his head relax and Noel slows his hips. He lets out soft moans under him and Noel kisses up his neck, just below his ear, “wanna make you feel good.”</p><p>“You do. You make me feel so good.” </p><p>“Say my name.” </p><p>“Noel,” he says, letting one arm slide around his neck while his free hand goes to his hair, “god, Noel!”</p><p>“Sounds so good coming from your mouth,” he says, moving his hips faster, “oh fuck!”</p><p>“Mmm—ah!”</p><p>Cody’s arms go under his and his hands grab onto his shoulders tight, “oh fuck!”</p><p>"You take it all so fucking good, don't you?"</p><p>He hums, turning his head and kissing his neck, "yes."</p><p>"Such a slut for it, aren't you?"</p><p>Cody lets go and grabs his face holding it away from him, getting him to stop moving, "I'm not a slut."</p><p>And he opens his mouth to apologize but Cody’s pushing him off onto his back and getting on top of him, lowering himself down onto his cock. Noel groans and his eyes roll back before he’s looking at Cody again. The blond leans down, kissing his neck, “I’m your girl.”</p><p>“Fuck,” he breathes.</p><p>Cody rides him fast and Noel watches his head fall back as his hips thrust up to meet his, “ah! Noel!”</p><p>“God you’re so fucking sexy, Cody.”</p><p>Cody takes his hand and brings it to his mouth sucking on his fingers as he rocks his hips back and forth. He moans around them and Noel thinks he could watch him do this forever. He smiles, “come here.”</p><p>He leans down and Noel pulls his fingers out, putting them in Cody’s hair so he can kiss him hard, “you're so fucking good, and so fucking pretty.”</p><p>Cody kisses his neck, “you feel so good, Noel, love the way you feel!”</p><p>When Cody’s tongue teases around the shell of his ear he moves his hands to his ass to help him move faster, “god I love hearing you talk to me like this.”</p><p>Noel moans and Cody smiles, moaning in his ear when Noel’s hand wraps around the blond’s cock. He strokes it slow and Cody moans, “oh fuck!”</p><p>“You gonna cum,” he asks. </p><p>Cody nods, “yes!”</p><p>He thrusts up into him faster and Cody moans once more, “oh my fucking <em>god!</em>”</p><p>He kisses along his jaw and their lips meet again, “cum whenever you want, baby.”</p><p>“Cum inside me,” he says.</p><p>He keeps going and Cody tries to ride him as best as he can but it’s slightly sloppy. He’s already so close and soon he can feel the other man slowing down when he’s feeling too good. He thrusts up and Cody moans, moving to his ear to speak, “cum inside me, Noel. Please? I want you to.”</p><p>And he nods, pumping Cody faster as hands go to his shoulders. His nails dig in and soon he cums, moaning against his neck and Noel can’t help it. Cody keeps moving his hips while he relaxes on top of him and soon Noel cums inside his ass moaning in his ear as he gives a few more thrusts while holding onto him, “fuck.”</p><p>Cody smiles, turning his head and kissing his cheek. Noel lets out a breath of laughter, catching his breath as he brings his hand back and slaps Cody's ass to get him to jump, “I think that’s the best sex I’ve ever had.”</p><p>The blond giggles and looks as him lazily, “really?”</p><p>He nods, turning to look at him, “what about you? In your top ten? Top five?”</p><p>“It’s the best I’ve ever had,” he admits, “but you’ve always been the best I’ve ever had.”</p><p>He smiles, “yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he nods, kissing him gently.</p><p>“Fuck,” he says, “I think that’s the first time sex has made me, like, really hungry. You hungry?”</p><p>He nods and Noel smiles, “how about I take a shower and then I’ll get us some food.”</p><p>“You will?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he nods. </p><p>“Okay,” he smiles, kissing the corner of his mouth.</p><p>Noel gets up, grabbing his phone and heading for the bathroom, looking at Cody lying against his pillows, smiling to himself. When he’s in the other room he looks at his reflection in the mirror and sets his phone down by the sink about to turn on the shower. Once he gets in he washes his hair and body, thinking about how much they feel like a couple. It felt like a honeymoon and even though he’s never been big on romance he wonders if this is the way people felt in movies. He wanted to wake up to Cody every day, hang out with him, just lay in bed and talk to him, have sex with him. Everything about Cody was what he wanted. He gets out of the shower, about to dry his hair, but before he can his phone buzzes against the counter. He looks at the screen not seeing a name. He throws a towel around his waist and answers it anyway, “hello?”</p><p>“Cody isn’t answering his phone,” Devon’s voice says in his ear.</p><p>“So you called me?”</p><p>“Yeah, he’s <em>with you</em>, isn’t he?”</p><p>“Yeah, he’s with me.”</p><p>“I figured he would be,” he sighs, “have you two been having sex?”</p><p>“Wow, really cutting to the chase, huh? Do you really think Cody would cheat on you again?"</p><p>And there’s a breath of laughter on the other side, “with you? Yeah. You were his first, makes sense why he’d want to, especially with how close you two were in high school before everything. It’s not a thought I like but I understand why he does it.”</p><p>“Do you?”</p><p>He sighs, “yeah. I do, probably better than you do. But I’ll be back soon and he wont sleep with you when I’m there.”</p><p>“You think so,” he asks. </p><p>“I know so. I know he’ll feel guilty about it when I get back. He even feels guilty when he thinks about sleeping with you and does everything to try and make it up to me. But I guess that means he loves me.”</p><p>“Yeah, cheating on someone definitely means they love you,” he tells him.</p><p>“I was talking about the fact that he hasn’t left me for you. Even though he sleeps with you he wont leave me for you.”</p><p>“What the fuck do you want, Devon? You want me to give Cody a message or something?”</p><p>“No,” he says, “I called to talk to you.”</p><p>“Really? What? You gonna ask me to stop fucking Cody because I’m only doing what he asked me to do.”</p><p>“No,” he says, “I wont ask you to stop. I’m only asking that you don’t follow us when we go.”</p><p>“Go?”</p><p>“To New York.”</p><p>“Right,” Noel sighs, “he mentioned you asked him to go with you but, I have to be honest, I don’t think he’ll be leaving any time soon. He’s comfortable here. It’s close to home.”</p><p>“He didn’t tell you,” Devon says, sounding surprised, and it makes his heart almost stop completely.</p><p>“Tell me what?”</p><p>“He called me last night. I had it on silent so he got my voicemail but he left a message. He’s going with me to New York.”</p><p>“No,” he says, “he didn’t call you, he couldn’t have. He was with me all night.”</p><p>“I guess you were sleeping when he called me because he told me he’s going to New York.”</p><p>“You’re lying. Cody wouldn’t leave and not tell me. He wouldn’t leave this place for you.”</p><p>“I really was being nice to you when we spoke in the car that day. You’re a boyfriend, Noel, and boyfriends come and go. I’m a husband, he might sleep with you but he always comes back to me,” he tells him, pausing for a moment, “and he always will.”</p><p>And the words hit harder a second time. They hurt worse than a punch ever could. His hands shake but he can’t bring himself to speak. His mouth hangs open and he can’t talk, can’t say a single word. The word ‘homewrecker’ moves from the back of his mind to the front but the word doesn’t feel right. Homewrecker implies Cody’ll leave and they both know Cody didn’t love him enough to leave. He couldn’t be that. He was just someone Cody could fuck around with as much as he wants and still go back to Devon at the end of the day. <em>Plaything, </em>he thinks,<em> I'm just a plaything to him.</em></p><p>“Hello,” Devon asks.</p><p>He doesn’t say anything back, for once in his life he can’t think of a comeback or something witty to say that would make Devon feel the hurt he feels in this exact moment. The phone shifts on the other side, “I have to go, please tell Cody to answer his phone for me. I need to ask him what color he wants to paint the walls in our future apartment. I was thinking white but that might make it look too hospital, maybe a taupe or something. But if he wants to turn the spare bedroom into a nursery maybe white and blue would be better, white and pink? Maybe green, soft mint green is a nice color, the magazine I bought says it has a good energy or whatever. What do you think?”</p><p>“Go fuck yourself, Devon.”</p><p>He sighs, "I’ll just ask Cody then. Please tell him to call me.”</p><p>Devon hangs up and he’s left standing there, all this new knowledge in his brain now. The door opens and Cody’s walking over to him, “what’s wrong?”</p><p>He turns, staring at him and speaking low but harsh, “Devon called.”</p><p>“What did he say,” he asks. </p><p>“He said to answer your phone. He wants to know what color you want the walls in your apartment in New York, said he didn’t know what color you might want the nursery to be.”</p><p>He moves closer but Noel stops him with a glare, “when were you gonna tell me you were leaving?”</p><p>He opens his mouth to speak but he doesn't and Noel finds himself filling the silence, “<em>were</em> you gonna tell me you were leaving?”</p><p>“I was gonna tell you at the end of the week.”</p><p>“After you let me fuck you this whole time? You were really gonna let me fuck you this whole week before just up and fucking leaving for New York?”</p><p>"I was gonna tell you before Devon got back. I didn't even want to tell you really. I figured packing and leaving without saying anything would be easier."</p><p>"On who? You? You didn't think I'd want to know where you went?"</p><p>"I was gonna text you when I landed but I figured you'd figure it out on your own before then."</p><p>"Before then," he laughs, walking out of the bathroom, "take your shower."</p><p>Noel dries himself off and puts clothes on as Cody quickly showers. When he’s dressed he sits on his bed. Cody’s soon out of the bathroom and heading for his clothes, pulling his underwear on quick.</p><p>He shakes his head, “you leaving? Can’t even fucking face me?”</p><p>He rolls on deodorant and pulls on a shirt, “I’m not leaving, I figured we should talk about this.”</p><p>He puts sweatpants on and sits on his own bed sighing. But Noel doesn’t let him speak first, “what was all this? Why let me fuck you this whole week? Was this your idea of a going away present because if so that’s fucked up.”</p><p>“I…” he trails off, looking down at his hands. Noel shakes his head and folds his arms over his chest speaking instead, “what? Now you can’t look at me? Can’t even fucking look me in the eye? Why did you fucking sleep with me if you were going to live with your future husband in New York? Why did you make it seem like you were gonna stay?”</p><p>His mouth opens but his lower lip quivers as if he’s about to start crying. He puts his hands by his side and grips the blanket under him. His eyes water and he pulls his mouth tight as the tears begin spilling over his face. He hated seeing Cody cry, and normally he’d give in and comfort him by now but this was too important. He couldn’t give in for this. He lets out a breath of laughter, “there it is. There’s the fucking waterworks, you always cry during an argument with me and I’m not fucking falling for it this time. I’m not going to just stop because you’re emotional. I’m your best friend! Why didn’t you fucking tell me you were leaving? Why would you even leave? Why are you picking him over me?”</p><p>Cody looks up at the sound of those words, eyes rimmed with red and he’s able to speak now, “what?”</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, did I just say that?</em>
</p><p>"I-I'm your best friend and you always pick him over me," he says, emphasizing <em>friend</em>, "always! Devon, Devon, Devon, it's always been Devon. What the fuck is so good about him? Is it cause he's tall? Is it because he's blond? Is it because he's got muscles? Because it's obviously not his dick or you wouldn't even fucking be here. You're really going to pick him over me and he can't even fuck you right?"</p><p>"Stop," he says, and his voice is so weak. </p><p>"No," he says, and this time it’s desperate, "I want to know what it is that's so goddamn good about him!"</p><p>"Please stop, I really don't want to do this right now. Please?"</p><p>"Too fucking bad! We're doing it. I want a fucking answer," he says louder, "tell me why you're leaving with him instead of staying!" </p><p>"Because he loves me," he shouts, standing to his feet.</p><p>Cody wipes his nose with the back of his sleeve and keeps talking, “because he can love me and you can’t!”</p><p>Noel’s shoulders relax as he looks up, “what?”</p><p>"You know, I have spent so long picking you. I always pick you and I probably always will but I can't keep picking you. I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't stay here. I can't keep loving you."</p><p>"What?" </p><p>"I'm in love with you, Noel," he says, "I've always been in love with you. You were my first kiss because I'm in love with you, I let you take my virginity and not Devon because I love you. I <em>never</em> pick Devon, I pick you, I have always picked you! I'm picking Devon because I want <em>someone</em> who can pick me!"</p><p>
  <em>Did he just say he’s in love with me?</em>
</p><p>Cody shakes his head, pulling his sleeves over his hands and wiping his nose again, "I'm with Devon because he picked me when you didn't. I'm moving to New York because he can love me the way you can't. I'm leaving because I can't keep picking you. I'm so weak around you. You call me, I answer. You kiss me, I kiss back. You touch me and I just completely give in, Noel! I can't stay here, it's not good for me to stay here. I can't be in this one-sided whatever the fuck this is with you anymore!" </p><p>He wipes his eyes, calming down as he looks away from him, "I'm tired of running in circles with you."</p><p>His voice sounds exhausted and when he finally looks up at him again Noel's ready to confess everything. Cody sniffles before he's speaking again, "Devon loves me. Devon <em>really</em> loves me and I <em>really</em> care about him and I think he and I could be happy together if you weren't around. <em>That's</em> why I'm moving. I just wanna be happy."</p><p>He sits down on his bed sighing, "I deserve to be happy, don't I?"</p><p>Noel moves forwards, getting on his knees in front of him, holding his face, "Cody, I-"</p><p>"I know we're best friends and I know letting go of each other isn't easy for either of us but we need to. You were right when you said it back then we're too old for this, you know that, I know that. So I'm asking you, just this once, can you <em>please</em> think of me and my feelings and just let me go? I want you to let me go."</p><p>
  <em>Let him go? But I just got him. He loves me. Cody loves me, I can’t let him go now.</em>
</p><p>Cody’s hands reach up and hold onto his, “let me go be happy with Devon and I’ll never ask you for anything ever again.”</p><p>
  <em>He loves me but he still wants to be with Devon. He’d rather be with Devon.</em>
</p><p>“You really love Devon? He-” he cuts himself off swallowing at the lump in his throat, “he makes you happy?”</p><p>He nods, “he makes me really happy.”</p><p>
  <em>I could make him happy too if he’d let me. But he doesn’t want that. He wants him. He wants Devon.</em>
</p><p>He nods, “okay. I’ll let you go.”</p><p>Cody smiles, leaning forwards to wrap his arms around him, “thank you.”</p><p>“Don’t thank me. You know I’d do anything for you,” he tells him, “you’re my girl.”</p><p>"I'll always be your girl, Noel," he sniffles, voice getting weaker, "always."</p><p>He nods and eventually pulls from him, "I'm gonna go get some food."</p><p>"I'll come with you," he says standing. </p><p>"No," he says quickly, "no, I have to go do a thing before I come back, um, you just figure out what you want and text me."</p><p>"Yeah," he says softly nodding, "okay."</p><p>He shoves his wallet and phone into his pockets and puts his shoes on. He grabs his keys off his nightstand and leaves quickly. When he’s finally in his car he lets out a scream before breaking down. He doesn’t know how long he cries for while he drives but he knows that when he finally stops it’s dark outside. He pulls into an empty lot and takes his phone out of his pocket when the car’s off. He hits the call button and soon Devon’s voice fills his ears, “I didn’t expect to be getting a call from you. Thought you'd be with Cody, getting everything out of your systems.”</p><p>“Shut up,” he says, “just...just shut up and fucking listen.”</p><p>“I’m listening.”</p><p>“If you,” he pauses, feeling his eyes well with tears. He breathes in and breathes out slow so he doesn’t cry, “if you ever hurt him, if you ever say something or put your hands on him or sleep with anyone else, if you ever make him cry even for a second I’ll fucking kill you. Do you understand me? I will fucking kill you. Don’t ever think that I wont.”</p><p>“I know you will,” he says gently. </p><p>“And don’t ever…” He pulls the phone away from his face before taking in another breath and letting it out slow as the tears finally rush down his cheeks. He swallows at the lump in his throat but it stays, unmoving, “don’t ever treat him like I did.”</p><p>“I wont.”</p><p>He nods to himself, “good. That’s good.”</p><p>“Anything else,” he asks, but his tone’s sincere and it only makes this more painful.</p><p>“Take care of him,” he nods, “you <em>have to</em> take care of him, you know him. You know he’s really sweet. He’ll get taken advantage of in New York and even if he knows it he wont say anything and he’ll just let people walk all over him. You have to take care of him. And don’t let him walk around at night, he’s terrified of the dark, you need to walk with him, you need to…”</p><p>He grips the wheel tight and takes a deep breath in, “you need to protect him. If you let him get hurt I’ll fly there and kick your fucking teeth in and bring him back home. I mean that.”</p><p>“I know you do.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>The air between them is silent for a moment and he speaks softer to avoid letting Devon hear him, “that’s all I wanted to tell you. That’s all I had to say.”</p><p>“Thank you,” he finally says, and Noel knows he means it.</p><p>“Don’t thank me," he spits, "don't <em>ever</em> think this is for you. This is for Cody. This is about what Cody wants.”</p><p>“I know,” he tells him, “but I know how hard it is for you to let him go.”</p><p>He hangs up and chucks his phone into the passenger seat, resting his head on the wheel. He turns his head looking at his phone. <em>New York. That’s far from here,</em> he thinks, <em>but it’s what Cody wants. Devon’s what Cody wants.</em></p><p>He picks up his phone texting Cody.</p><p>
  <em>Noel: What do you want to eat?</em>
</p><p>He puts his phone down waiting for an answer as he lays his head back against the seat, <em>I don’t know if I can handle him leaving me. I don’t think I can handle our conversations turning into how his life with Devon’s going. I don’t think I can take it, waking up one day to Cody telling me Devon proposed, asking me to be his best man, forcing me to watch him marry Devon fucking Spinnler.</em> The thought makes him sick.</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I want whatever you want.</strong>
</p><p>He takes his phone typing out the words ‘I want you’ before hitting backspace and deleting the text. </p><p>
  <em>Noel: Wings?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: Sure.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel: See you when I get home.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: Okay, be careful.</strong>
</p><p>He looks at his screen for a while, finger hovering over the call button for Cody's name.<em> If I call and ask him to stay he'll stay. He told me he loves me and that he gives in when he's with me. He'd stay if I asked. </em>He looks at the picture of the two of them together, it's a photo he'd treasured, one of them sleeping in each others arms that Cody's mom took around Christmas time. He'd jokingly mentioned she should send it to him but the way she looked at him when he asked made him feel like she knew why he really wanted it. She'd always been able to read him so well sometimes he wondered if she knew about him the whole time, if she knew about the things they did when they were alone together. He doesn't doubt she does. He swallows hard and wipes his face again looking at the call button. <em>Cody wants to get over me. Asking him to stay wont help, it'll just make him feel worse. He wants me to let go.</em> He closes his contacts and sets his phone to the side.</p><p>
  <em>I have to let go.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, this was super long and had a lot of smut. I know it ended on a sad note but I promise this has a happy ending. I've got two more chapters I think but I don't know when I'll be able to work on them. I'll try to have them out by the end of December or the beginning of January.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I wanted this out by Christmas but once the date passed I figured I might as well work on this more and actually make it better so this is longer than it needs to be to be honest. Hopefully you like it though!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He looks to the blond beside him when he wakes up, the short hair looking softer all out of place. He moves closer, pulling him to his chest and burying his face in the back of his neck sighing. His hips move forward, pressing against the soft ass. There’s a small breath of laughter before he hears him hum, “good morning to you too.”</p><p>“Take your underwear off.”</p><p>“It’s a little early for sex.”</p><p>“Never too early for sex,” he tells him, “pass me some lube and I’ll fuck you on your side.”</p><p>"Mmm, god," he smiles, turning to look at him with wanton eyes, “you're so fucking romantic.”</p><p>Noel watches him move to sit on top of his hips and he touches his cheek, "sorry, I know I'm no Romeo."</p><p>"It's alright," he leans down kissing him, “good thing you’re hot though. And you’re really good at sex.”</p><p>“Really good?”</p><p>He nods, moaning softly in his ear when he grinds against him, “so good. Want me to ride you? Or do you want to fuck me from behind again?”</p><p>He flips him onto his back and kisses at his neck, holding his arms above his head, "wanna fuck you like this so I can have your legs around me."</p><p>There’s a knock at the front door and Noel groans, pressing his head into the side of the blond’s shoulder who giggles at his annoyance, “who’s that? More company? You know I don't do group stuff during the day.”</p><p>“Stay here,” he says letting go of him, “I’ll be right back.”</p><p>He gets up and heads to the front door, opening it to find Spock standing there. When his eyes fall down he covers them instantly, “what the fuck? Why do you have a boner? It’s, like, twelve in the afternoon.”<br/>
 <br/>
“I’ve got company over.” </p><p>“Gross,” the woman behind Spock says. </p><p>The blond emerges from his bedroom dressed and pulling on his jacket as he heads towards them. Noel turns, “wait, you’re leaving?”</p><p>“Yeah, I checked my phone. I’ve got to meet my parents for lunch in like twenty minutes so I'll have to take a rain check on your offer. You could come with me to meet them if you want.”</p><p>“I’m not big on meeting parents,” he says.</p><p>“Alright,” he sighs, “I’ll call you after, we can pick up where we left off.”</p><p>He nods, smiling when the man leans in to kiss him, “bye, Seth.”</p><p>Their lips meet and the kiss lasts for a few seconds, “bye, Noel.”</p><p>When he pulls away he quickly leaves and his two friends are standing there looking at him before walking past him. He sighs, “Kelsey, Spock, please come in.”</p><p>They sit on his couch and Spock finds the remote turning on the TV and going to Netflix. Kelsey turns towards him smiling and he gestures towards them, “so? What do you two want?”</p><p>“Well, we talked to a friend and we have some news for you.”</p><p>“Okay?” </p><p>“He told us not to tell him,” Spock says, scrolling through the list.</p><p>“Yeah, I know, but, come on. Look at him, he’s waking up at noon, sleeping with men in relationships, hookers, <em>straight guys.</em>”</p><p>“They’re not straight if they’re sleeping with him,” Spock points out.</p><p>“Yeah, but come on. That one looked just like <em>you know who.</em>”</p><p>“He does not look like Cody,” Noel says. </p><p>“He definitely does,” Spock says, starting a baking show and pulling out a bag of weed.</p><p>“No he doesn’t.”</p><p>“Does too,” she says. </p><p>“Look, we just think it’s clear that you’re not over him. Which is fine,” Kelsey starts, “it just means you’re probably gonna love what we have to say even more.”</p><p>“Don’t tell him,” Spock warns.</p><p>“He should know. It’s clear he’s not over him, sleeping with his lookalikes and everything.”</p><p>“Fine,” he says, “but when <em>he</em> hears about this he’s gonna be mad we told.”</p><p>“Told me what?”</p><p>“Cody’s coming back home,” Kelsey says, “Devon called his parents and told them he was coming down for a week to stay there and Cody was going to stay with his parents and spend time there.”</p><p>“Why would I care about that?”</p><p>“Uh, because you’ve been in love with him for as long as I can remember,” Spock says breathing in deep, “you want some of this? The guy I got it from said it's vegan or whatever. I don't get how it wouldn't be vegan though. It's a fucking plant. How the fuck is weed not vegan?"</p><p>He looks to him but turns back towards Kelsey, “Kels, I’m over Cody. Really I am.”</p><p>“Then why do you read his texts every night before you go to sleep,” Spock asks. </p><p>“You got him a birthday present,” Kelsey says. </p><p>“A Valentine’s Day card,” Spock says. </p><p>“Even had a Christmas gift picked out before you returned it,” she smiles, “you miss him and he’s coming to town so why don’t you just see him?”</p><p>“He doesn’t want to see me and even if he did Devon doesn’t want me to see him.”</p><p>“Fuck Devon,” Spock says, “well, not like <em>fuck</em> Devon. But you know.”</p><p>“Look, I’ve known you for a really long time,” she says, “and I know Devon. He might not like you but you’re still Cody’s best friend. He probably expects Cody’ll want to see you.”</p><p>“And if he comes to see me I’ll tell him to leave.”</p><p>“What,” she asks, “what the fuck? Why would you tell him to go?”</p><p>“Because I don’t want to see him,” he says, “he’s moved on from me, he’s living with Devon, and he’s happy. He’s happy and I’m…”</p><p>He trails off and shrugs. Kelsey frowns, “you’re miserable.”</p><p>“I’m not miserable! Does it suck losing my best friend? Yes. Will I get over it? Yes.”</p><p>“No you wont,” Spock says, “remember that time Cody stopped talking to you in third grade because you yelled at him and made him cry? You were so upset. You were in tears because he ignored you.”</p><p>“I was, like, nine when that happened! I'm a grown ass man now.”</p><p>“This is just like that except you’re better at not crying in front of people.”</p><p>“Even if I wanted to see Cody, which I don’t, Devon doesn’t want me to see him.”</p><p>“Since when have you ever given a shit about what Devon wants,” she laughs.</p><p>“Since he makes Cody happy. He asked me to let him go to New York.”</p><p>“Yeah, but he’s been texting you non-stop since he left, that should at least tell you he misses you.”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter if he misses me or not. If I show up, if I talk to him I’ll ruin everything. I’m purposely avoiding him so he’ll be happy. Besides, seeing him would make things hard.”</p><p>“Emotionally or physically,” Spock asks, “cause from what I heard living next to you in college Cody didn’t really mind the latter.”</p><p>“I’m not doing any of that again. The last time really was the last time,” he says. </p><p>“Until of course he gives you that look and calls you <em>Noe</em> all soft and tells you he needs you. Then you’ll drop everything for him like you always do,” Spock says.</p><p>“Exactly, see, Spock’s got it all figured out,” Kelsey says, “so why don’t you?”</p><p>"Shouldn't you be with Aleena right now," he says, knowing it's a low blow.</p><p>"You know we had a fight and she went home to see her parents for the holidays."</p><p>"Then why don't you make up with her instead of trying to play matchmaker, hm?"</p><p>"It's complicated, she and I are still arguing about who the sperm donor should be and I—I'm not getting into this and fuck you for bring it up again! Also don't change the fucking subject! This is about you and Cody! At least Aleena and I know where we stand on certain topics. You're the one too chicken shit to tell Cody how you feel. And everyone knows, even Spock and he's usually the last to know."</p><p>He blows smoke out and nods, “I’m an expert when it comes to the two of them."</p><p>“You’re not,” Noel disagrees. </p><p>“Just go see him,” Kelsey says, “Devon’s been talking about how much Cody misses home. I mean, you <em>have</em> to know what that’s code for!”</p><p>“Sounds like it’s code for he misses home,” Noel says, “probably because his <em>family</em> lives here.”</p><p>She rolls her eyes, “and <em>you’re</em> here.”</p><p>He goes over to sit next to Spock who holds out a blunt to him. He shakes his head and Kelsey walks over, taking the empty recliner, “just, go see him. I know if he just saw you he’d feel a lot better. <em>You'd</em> feel a lot better.”</p><p>“Yeah. Maybe.”</p><p>“Maybe,” she asks, raising a brow and crossing her arms over her chest.</p><p>He nods, “yeah, maybe I’ll go see him.”</p><p>She smiles, “good.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>He lays in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He liked the idea of him being back, but after the texts Cody’d sent him the thought of seeing him again made his heart feel as if it’s being squeezed. He’d seen the pictures Cody had posted online of the two of them together and he’d tried hard not to think about the things they did when they were alone. The thought of Devon touching Cody and loving him the same ways he did makes him feel ill. He looks to the phone resting on his nightstand, thinking about texting Cody. He grabs the phone and opens his messages, reading through the ones Cody had sent that he never answered.</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: Hey, I just got to the new apartment. It's pretty big, this is the view.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I saw these shoes and they reminded me of the ones I had in high school that you got back for me.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I'm really bored, are you awake?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I'm sorry if I made things weird by telling you everything. I didn't mean to. Please call me, I just want us to go back to the way we were. I just want us to be friends again.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: Can you call me whenever you're not busy? </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I feel like we haven't talked in forever, I keep calling but I guess you're really busy. Can you just text me or something when you get time? I really miss you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: First birthday I've spent away from home. Really missing it right now. Wish you were here.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: Wanna video chat? Devon's gone out of town for a meeting so it'd just be me and you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: Really wish you'd talk to me. This apartment feels weird when I'm the only one here. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: Halloween in New York is wild, parties feel different here.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: Devon's passed out and I'm a little drunk from the party but all the alcohol still isn't enough to make me forget how lonely I am right now without you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I didn't mean to text you that last night. But I do miss you, as a friend, and I really wish you'd call me.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: It's gonna be Christmas soon, might come home for the holidays. Would I see you if I came back?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: Watching the ball drop in person. Hope you're having a good New Year.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: Did I ruin things between us?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I'm sorry. Please talk to me.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I really miss you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I mailed you a card for Valentine's Day, did you get it?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: St. Patrick's Day isn't as fun as it usually is. I usually get drunk and hang out with you but you're not here. Devon's at work so it's just me in the house. I feel so alone here sometimes.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I miss you. Please call me.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I'm sorry I told you I loved you. I didn't mean that. It was just a joke, alright, I was just kidding!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: Can we go back to being friends again?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I had a really bad day today and I just really need you right now, can you please call me? I just need to hear your voice. Please?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cody: I'm sorry I've been texting you for months when you've made it clear you want nothing to do with me. I wont bother you anymore. I'll lose your number. And if I ever come to town I'll do my best to make sure you don't have to see me again. But I want you to know that even though you never want to see me again I don't regret the things we did together. I'm sorry I ruined our friendship with that confession and I wish there was a way to get it all back but I know there's not. You let me go that day and gave me what I asked for while I still held on all this time. But I'm letting go now too, I'll give you what you've silently been asking for these past months. I'll disappear from your life for good. Goodbye, Noel Miller. I'll always love you.</strong>
</p><p>It’d been hard not texting him back, not talking to Cody when he needed him was hard, but Cody had asked him to let him go. He asked him to let him be happy with Devon and he’d always give him what he wanted no matter how difficult it might get. He thinks Cody’s birthday was the hardest day for him. They usually spent the whole day together, even when he was dating Devon. Cody spent the whole day with him doing whatever he’d wanted to do, which usually meant them going to an arcade and playing games together and eating unhealthy foods before Noel finally gave Cody his present at the end of the day. When Cody dated Devon those whole days were cut shorter and Devon would get to take Cody out to dinner. Noel always tried not to think about those parts though and instead focused on how many times he’d made Cody laugh throughout the day.</p><p>He thinks back to when he wasn’t dating Devon and he and Cody were still messing around. They’d spent almost all of Noel’s money at the arcade winning tickets for things they only played with once. His thoughts drift back to eating fun dip and making out in his car before grabbing food at a diner with the remaining money he had. He remembers the windows they’d fogged up in his car at the park and how Cody’d sounded when he put his hand down his pants for the first time. He can’t forget the way he had looked at him with pleading eyes and said his name in the voice that made him have to go home and do his own laundry so he wouldn’t have to avoid eye contact with his mom for a week.</p><p>His mind wanders to his own birthday he’d spent with Cody when Devon wasn’t in the picture. They’d watched a movie and Cody and stayed at his house for the night playing video games until Noel had pulled him into his lap. He’d replayed Cody taking his clothes off in front of him and sinking to the floor between his legs a thousand times. He laughs, remembering how red their faces got from embarrassment when they attempted to do anything they saw in porn. They got better at everything but avoided sex when they thought of all the things that could go wrong. Wanting to avoid any more awkward situations they just stuck with what they knew felt good.</p><p>He'd jerked off to the thought of the last time they had sex so many times he lost count. It always ended the same way each time, he'd remember how good it was but finds himself unable to cum whenever he remembers what happened after that. How Cody had asked him to let him go, how he left for New York, how he didn’t even go to the airport to say goodbye to him before he boarded the plane. He doesn’t want to remember the way he’d went to Cody’s house once he was gone and pretended he’d left something in his room just so he could go upstairs and steal one of Cody’s hoodies. He didn’t want to think about the way the dorm felt empty without Cody and how he left early and got an apartment so he wouldn’t stare at the empty bed at night. He just wants to forget about all that.</p><p>But he can’t forget any of it. He thinks about him all the time. He still fucks people who look like Cody, and he still slips up when sleeping with them and calls them by the name he knows isn't theirs. His apartment is full of furniture but it still feels empty with just him. His fridge has the beer Cody drinks, he doesn’t touch it, it just makes him feel like Cody'll walk in any minute and take one out before plopping down on the couch beside him. He thinks it’s pathetic, the way he’s still in love with him even though Cody’s finally moved on. It was nice before, when he was still texting him, because that meant he wasn’t the only one who hadn’t let go. But after that last message he felt so broken. He cried for hours, he didn’t show up to class, he called out at work, he ordered takeout and watched the movies that reminded him of Cody. He watched all of The O.C. again and a load of romantic comedies. He'd sit down for anything that he knows Cody would watch and cried in one of his hoodies until he couldn't anymore. After that he just shut down. He turned all his emotions off, he didn’t want to cry anymore and he didn’t want to think about Cody. He didn’t look at any of his online pictures anymore but he did allow himself to read Cody’s messages at night.</p><p>Whenever he thought about him he’d find someone who looked like him and fuck them. None of them felt like him. He didn’t do relationships anymore, he stayed single and his heart stayed safe from falling for anyone else, not that he could with the way he still felt for the other man. He drank a little more than usual, picked up bottle blonds at bars, and when he really missed Cody he picked up ones with an identical hair color. He’d searched through tinder and grindr trying to find someone, anyone, who looked similar. That's when he found him. </p><p>Seth. He wouldn't have given a shit if he hadn't watched The O.C. for days at a time. The name stuck out to him and when he noticed his appearance he knew he had to have him. Seth was in a complicated relationship but it didn’t stop him from flirting with him. Seth flirted back and when they were alone Noel’d pushed him against the wall and kissed him hard. It was hot and the sex was good, too good, and it always made him forget about Cody for a while. His friends are right, he does sleep with lookalikes, and Seth’s the best one of all. He’s just a bit taller than him, the build is the same, the hair is nearly identical, the face is similar but not the same, he could be Cody’s brother. His laugh and voice are close, and the sounds he makes during sex have Noel considering the possibility of being in a relationship with him. </p><p>He supposes he wouldn’t mind it, he liked Seth, he’s normal and nice. He’s sweet like Cody but he’s not like Cody. They don’t listen to similar music, they don’t like a lot of the same things, they haven’t bonded over games and movies like he and Cody have, they don’t really have much in common at all. But Noel thinks maybe it’s a good thing, if he’s too much like Cody maybe he’ll never get over him. His phone rings and he looks at it seeing Spock’s name across the screen. He picks it up, “hello?”</p><p>“Hey, what are you doing right now?”</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“By nothing do you mean you’re laying in bed thinking about Cody again?”</p><p>“Yeah, I am.”</p><p>"I figured. So, did you decide if you're going to see him or not?"</p><p>"Did Kelsey tell you to call and ask me?"</p><p>"She...might have asked, yeah."</p><p>He sighs, "look, I don't know. I haven't seen him in months. He asked me to let him go and he finally let me go too. I just think seeing him again after all of that would be rough, you know? Like all the feelings I have would just come back up to the surface if I saw him again. That's not fair to him. He's got his own life with Devon, he's happy, I don't want to get in the way of that."</p><p>"Cody loves you," he says, "Cody's always loved you. He might be in New York with Devon right now but don't ever think Devon was his first choice. He's been in love with you for as long as I can remember. So if you think he's happy with Devon in New York he's not."</p><p>"Have you seen the pictures he posted online with him? They look good together. Especially in the one with the suits, they look like they're about to get married. They look like a fucking power couple or some shit."</p><p>"He's just as miserable as you, I guarantee it. You're his best friend."</p><p>"But Devon's his Prince Charming," he sighs.</p><p>"Fuck Prince Charming, dude. You're more than that! You're like," he starts, "you know? What's the thing? Knight! You're like his knight in shining armor! Devon might be a Prince Charming or whatever but he's never never taken care of Cody the way you have, he hasn't protected him like you have. And everyone knows that the knight always ends up with the princess in the end."</p><p>"Is Cody supposed to be the princess in this scenario?"</p><p>"Obviously.” </p><p>“Wait, who's the king and queen?"</p><p>"Kelsey and Me."</p><p>"Kelsey as the king," he asks. </p><p>"Yeah, and me as the queen," he agrees, "look, let's not get into positions of power right now, but I will say that if you were to ask Cody to stay if you saw him here he would pick you over Devon in a heartbeat." </p><p>"They've been together for a long time. It’d be hard for Cody to just leave him."</p><p>"Doesn't change the fact that he’s still in love with you," he says, "and it definitely doesn't change the fact that you’re still in love with him."</p><p>"I wouldn't even know what to say if I saw him."</p><p>"You two have never needed words, you’ve got that weird telepathy thing that twins have where you just know what the other’s thinking."</p><p>“I’m not going to see him.”</p><p>He laughs, “yeah you are.”</p><p>“No. I’m not.”</p><p>“Yeah. You are,” he says, “you can’t keep yourself from him. You might be able to keep yourself from texting him, but you’ve been running on nothing but pictures of him and Devon and his sad text messages. You’ll have to see him in person soon. I wouldn’t be surprised if you sleepwalk all the way to his house during the night.”</p><p>“I don’t sleepwalk.”</p><p>“Not right now. But we’ll see if that changes when he’s back.”</p><p>“Is this all you wanted to talk to me about because it’s getting late and-”</p><p>“And you want to get back to laying in bed, staring at your ceiling, and thinking about Cody. I get it. I’ll let you go back to being a sad, sad, lonely little man.”</p><p>“Fuck off, I’m not sad.”</p><p>“I’ll let you go back to pining pathetically.”</p><p>“I’m not fucking pining either!”</p><p>“Night, Noel!”</p><p>He sighs, “night, Spock.”</p><p>He hangs up and puts his phone to the side, looking to his ceiling. He puts his hands over his eyes, rubbing them with the side of his palm, “god, I’m fucking pining.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>He told his parents he’d only stay for a week. He didn’t come to see Cody, he just came to stay with them because he missed them. He’d walked to the park since it wasn’t too far, he only went to walk around and clear his head but when it got dark he headed home. He hadn’t realized he’d walked the long way that meant going past Cody’s house. He didn’t mean to turn that way, he didn’t even think about it, but when he got to Cody’s house he stopped. He went around the back, opening the gate slowly and crept around to see the light on in his window. He climbs up the side of the house to the window and sees Cody sitting on his bed. </p><p>He knocks on the window and the blond jumps before going wide eyed when he sees him. He looks the same but just slightly different. His hair’s longer, different, and when Cody opened the window it took everything in him not to reach out and run his fingers through it. Cody moves out of the way and lets him in. He closes the window and Noel turns to him, opening his mouth to speak but Cody quickly shuts him up with a harsh slap to the face. He touches his cheek and Cody shoves him. He does it again and again harder each time until Noel’s holding his wrists and Cody frowns at him and shakes them free to slip his arms around him. He hugs him tight and Noel’s arms soon come around him.</p><p>They hold each other for a moment and Noel's never been so glad to be hugging someone. He's warm in his arms and for the first time in a long time he feels complete. They pull back slightly and before either of them can say anything they're leaning in, kissing hard. Cody's hands drop to Noel's pants, unbuckling his belt, and Noel's hands go in his shorts, sliding them down his thighs until they drop on their own. Cody backs up towards the bed, stepping out of them as Noel's helping Cody get the jeans off himself. He pushes them down and Noel gets his hoodie and shirt off, tossing it before kissing him again.</p><p>Cody moves towards the pillows and Noel kicks his shoes off, stepping out of his jeans as he breaks from his mouth to open the drawer by his bed. He grabs lube and Cody's sitting on the edge, reaching out to grab him by the waistband of his underwear. He pulls his socks off and sets the bottle to the side, kissing him hard and moving the legs around his torso. He moans when his dick rubs against Cody's and soon the man under him slides his hands up his chest, gasping when he moves slower. He kisses down Cody's jaw and soon reaches for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and off him in one motion. The second it hits the floor he's closing his eyes and going back to kissing as if he'll never get to again.</p><p>Cody pushes him back, moving his legs to get his underwear off before letting Noel between them again. His cock is hard against his stomach and Noel lubes up his fingers, closing the cap while Cody moves the hand between his legs, pushing his fingers inside himself. Noel moves them, finding the right spot and thrusts them inside him gently before adding a third. Cody opens his mouth but doesn't moan, instead he hides his face in Noel's shoulder, letting out small breaths against his neck. When he gets used to the feeling Noel takes them out and removes his own underwear, getting lube over himself as he moves closer between Cody's legs. They're spread wide and Noel wonders if he's still as flexible as he was when he used to dive. </p><p>He doesn't have time to think about diving once he's inside Cody again. He nearly cums the second his body takes him in and he finds himself grabbing at the headboard to keep him from falling on Cody's chest. He looms over him and groans before he's finally used to him once again. He leans down, holding Cody's hips with both hands and kissing him. The second he moves Cody's sucking in small breaths and letting out softer whimpers as if he's trying to hold back louder sounds. It turns him on and he moves to kiss his neck so he can have the soft whines Cody makes in his ear. He thrusts his hips against his and Cody holds onto his biceps at first, gripping them tight before slipping his hands under his arms and holding onto his shoulders. He lets out slow breaths, trying not to be loud just in case Cody's parents were still up.</p><p>Fingernails dig into his back, drawing blood and he groans when they lose their grip and find another spot to sink into. His skin stings and he hisses slightly at the pain until Cody moves his hand to back to his shoulder, dropping one hand down to hold Noel's hip. Noel reaches up, grabbing the headboard and moving his hips. He moves them faster until Cody lets out a sound that's slightly louder than he meant to. He lets go of the headboard and holds onto his hip, kissing him once more. Cody's hands go to Noel's face, holding it as he tries to kiss back. It's hot and desperate and Noel feels it in every bone in his body.</p><p>They pull away a few times to breathe, but the rest of the sounds are stopped by the other's mouths. When Noel speeds up Cody bites down on his bottom lip a little too hard. He stops the second Noel makes a pained sound, mumbling an apology. Noel sucks his lip into his mouth, tasting the blood but shakes his head, kissing him again. Cody's hand goes to the back of his neck while the other goes to his hair, tangling in it. He moves harder and Cody sucks in a breath before kissing him, humming against his mouth. They're breathing hard and soon Noel moves to his neck, kissing the spot that makes Cody whine. He gasps and Noel looks at him, raising his brow for a second. He nods and Noel kisses his mouth, speeding up and reaching between Cody's legs, circling his thumb over the head of his cock slowly. </p><p>He gasps, holding his breath before letting it out and spilling all over his stomach. He clenches tight around Noel and soon he kisses Cody hard, groaning against his mouth before giving a few more thrusts after he cums. He pulls out and pants, laying beside him. Cody turns his head, looking at him and Noel reaches out, touching his cheek before brushing the sweaty strands of hair from Cody's forehead. They stare for a moment until Noel gets up, heading into the bathroom and wetting a washcloth with warm water. He heads back, cleaning Cody's stomach and the mess between his thighs. After dropping it in the laundry basket he heads back to lay beside him. Noel sees him shiver slightly and he lifts the blanket up over both of them, pulling his body closer. </p><p>They lay there, silent and still. He reaches out to hold his cheek, thumbing over the bone gently as Cody looks at him. Noel hands him a pillow and he takes it, turning the other way and scooting back against him. He holds it tight and Noel's arms go around his stomach. He kisses the back of his neck gently and after a breath in he finds himself comforted by the fact that he smells exactly the way he remembers. He smiles, closing his eyes and letting himself drift off.</p><p>When he wakes up the pillow is on the floor and Cody's facing him in his arms already awake and looking at him with curious eyes. He doesn't say anything and Noel takes in every inch of him, committing it all to memory. They stay like that for a while as the sun slowly but surely comes through the curtains. The sound of a car pulling up the driveway gets their attention and Cody's eyes leave his and look to the door. Noel knows it's Devon and when Cody looks back to him he understands the unspoken words completely.</p><p>He gets up out of bed, pulling his clothes on as Cody watches. He turns to him, wondering what to say, if he should say anything at all. He stays silent and climbs out the window, turning back to look at him, sitting up with the blanket pulled up and held against himself. He gives a small wave and Noel waves back as he gets down. He peers around the house seeing Devon's car empty and hears the front door of the house open. </p><p>He heads home, the lingering feeling of Cody's body against his still fresh in his mind. He looks at his phone, waiting for a text but doesn't see one. He doesn't text him back either. He thinks about it but doesn't know what he'd say.</p><p>
  <em>What should I say? I missed you? I wish I could have stayed? Hope to see you soon?</em>
</p><p>Nothing felt right so he said nothing at all. He goes home and lays in his bed hoping Cody would come to him, knock on his door and lay on his bed the way he used to. He lays awake in bed until Spock's opening the door and folding his arms over his chest, "so you caved, huh?"</p><p>"I came to see my family."</p><p>"Did you come to see Cody?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Liar, I was here earlier and had to tell your parents you were asleep when I came in and you weren't in here. Where'd you go?"</p><p>"A walk."</p><p>"You hate walks."</p><p>"I don't hate walks. I went to the park."</p><p>"Oh yeah? What'd you do at the park?"</p><p>"Sat on the swings, took a walk around the place."</p><p>"Why's your shirt on inside out."</p><p>"Got hot."</p><p>"Okay. What's the cut on your lip from."</p><p>"Bit myself."</p><p>"Hm," he says, nodding, "okay."</p><p>"Fuck off."</p><p>"I'd tell you to do the same," he says, hopping on his bed, "but it looks like you did plenty of fucking off."</p><p>He sighs before mumbling, "don't tell Kelsey."</p><p>"I wont. So, what'd you two talk about?"</p><p>"We didn't."</p><p>He lets out a breathy laugh, "what? You just went over there and had sex?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"See, I told you you two didn't need words."</p><p>"I think I'm gonna leave early."</p><p>He laughs, "after you've slept with him? That's kinda fucked up."</p><p>"I shouldn't have come here. It's obvious he regrets it and Devon fucking pulled in the drive way while I was sneaking out the window," he says talking fast, "it just felt wrong. I can't do this. I can't do any of this to him. It's not right. It's not fair. I shouldn't have walked to his house last night. I shouldn't have slept with him. I shouldn't have stayed over, I shouldn't have-"</p><p>"Why don't you just take a breath, okay? You're kind of freaking out."</p><p>He takes a deep breath before letting it out, "it was nice seeing him again though."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah," he says, covering his eyes when he looks up to his ceiling, "I missed him so much."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"No. You don't," he says, "cause I didn't even know. I didn't even know how much I missed him until I saw him again."</p><p>"Why are you telling me all this," Spock asks, "Cody's the one you should be telling."</p><p>"He's with Devon right now, they're probably having breakfast with his parents, talking about how great New York is and how happy they are and I just..." </p><p>He trails off, shaking his head when Spock speaks up, "crawled through his window and had sex with him, probably making that whole breakfast the most uncomfortable one he's ever gone to."</p><p>He lets out a stressed laugh before nodding, "I did. Yeah, I just ruined that. I didn't even fucking think about the rest of his visit or anything, I just thought about how good he felt in my arms, how nice it was to kiss him again, I didn't even think about Devon."</p><p>"Sounds like he didn't either."</p><p>"What do I do, man?"</p><p>The door opens and Kelsey comes in, "hey, I'm gonna need your help with cooking dinner tonight."</p><p>"What are you talking about?"</p><p>"Did Spock not tell you? We're having dinner together tonight, you, me, Spock, Cody, and Devon."</p><p>He turns to look at Spock who grimaces, "oof, uh, yeah. Forgot to mention we're supposed to help Kelsey cook dinner."</p><p>He rubs his face, "Kels, I don't know if I can-"</p><p>"You're going."</p><p>"I can't. Something came up."</p><p>"You don't have to help cook, Spock will help me. You can stay here and do whatever you need to do but I'm coming back here later and picking you up for dinner. I don't care if I have to drag you to the car."</p><p>"Fine. I'll go, let me see what my parents have planned,see if they're doing anything and I'll be ready later."</p><p>"You'd better be," she leaves, "come on, Spock."</p><p>He follows her and the door closes as he lets out a sigh.</p><p>"Fuck."</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>He does nothing but think about dinner all day. He wondered if Cody'd told Devon, if Devon could sense it like he did when he was in New York for a week. The thought makes him nervous and he's dreading dinner. He keeps himself busy by driving around town doing errands for his mom slower than he normally would and when he gets home he rests in bed before he decides to search through his closet seeing if he had something nicer to wear. He sees plenty of things he had from when he was a kid and eventually he finds a small box and opens it, fingers running over the familiar engravings. He smiles until Kelsey comes into his room and he snaps it shut, “hey, hurry up, I told them to be there and they should be there in like fifteen or twenty minutes.”</p><p>“What? When did you get here?”</p><p>“I texted you an hour ago to be ready.”</p><p>“Did you?”</p><p>He looks at his phone, “shit. My bad.”</p><p>“Whatever, just wear that, get your shoes on. Spock and Aleena are in the car waiting for us.”</p><p>"She came back?"</p><p>"Yeah, we came to a mutual agreement. Don't worry about it, just get dressed."</p><p>He pulls his shoes on and stands, stuffing the box into the pocket of the first jacket he sees on the coat rack. He heads outside and they get in her car, driving to their house as Aleena speaks, “so, are you excited to see Cody again?”</p><p>“I guess,” he says.</p><p>“You guess,” Kelsey asks.</p><p>“I just think it'll be weird, especially after his texts.”</p><p>“Did you ever text him back," Aleena asks, "did you two talk about it, make up? Did you talk about your feelings?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Well, are you,” Kelsey asks, but it feels more like an interrogation, “you two gonna make up? Are you going to see him more?”</p><p>“You sound like my mom.”</p><p>“Good,” she says, “maybe I can mom you into making up and telling him how you feel.”</p><p>“If I tell him how I feel he’ll just-”</p><p>“Stay?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Aleena looks confused, “but don’t you want that?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, “obviously I want that but Devon-”</p><p>“Devon,” she sighs.</p><p>“Cody loves him.”</p><p>Kelsey laughs and he sighs, “Cody asked me to let him go and I did. And I...called Devon the day he asked me to let him go. I told him I was letting him go. I told him to take care of Cody. That I was letting him go for good.”</p><p>“Cody’s miserable without you and you’re pathetic without him. Sleeping with guys who look like him, it’s just sad. It’s really sad. Look, just do me a favor, okay? Either get over Cody or tell him how you feel,” Kelsey says.</p><p>“He doesn’t care how I-”</p><p>“You’re a fucking idiot if you say that out loud," Aleena tells him, "of course he cares how you feel, he’s always cared how you feel. You’re his whole fucking world and I know that he’s yours. So just do us all a favor and admit it to him.”</p><p>“You two look like lost puppies whenever you’re in the same room together,” Spock says, “it makes me sad watching you two.”</p><p>“You hear that,” Kelsey asks, “you’re making Spock sad.”</p><p>“Fine, I’ve made up my mind,” he says. </p><p>And the car is silent as they pull in the driveway. Kelsey parks and turns off the car and the three of them have their attention on him. Kelsey waves her hand for an answer, “well?”</p><p>“I’ll get over him.”</p><p>All of their shoulders relax as they stare at him in disbelief, “happy?”</p><p>He gets out of the car before they give an answer. Kelsey is out too, and before she can say anything more, Devon’s car pulls up beside him. Soon they're all exchanging greetings as they head inside, slipping off their coats and shoes. Kelsey and Aleena take Spock into the kitchen with them leaving him alone with the two people in the world he didn't want to be alone with. He knows they’re talking about him in the other room but he doesn’t focus on it. Instead he sits on the couch, Cody sat in the middle of he and Devon as they watch TV. It’s quiet in the room, much too quiet for him but he doesn’t know what to do or say to break the tension. So for once he stays quiet, even when Devon’s arm comes around Cody’s shoulder. He tries not to focus on it and moves his hands to his knees, stretching his back taller as he tries to relax. He traces the hole in his jeans where his knee's located. It makes him slightly less tense but soon Devon’s free hand is pulling Cody's legs into his lap so he’s turned away from him and facing his boyfriend. The action makes him clench and unclench his jaw but he keeps his eyes on the screen until Cody whispers something to Devon. He doesn’t know what he says but Cody’s getting out of his lap and is laying against the man's shoulder instead as Noel tries to make himself okay with it.</p><p>
  <em>I said I’d get over him.</em>
</p><p>Devon moves his arm down to Cody’s waist and Noel presses his fingers into the holes of his jeans sighing, “where’s the remote, let’s watch something else.”</p><p>Devon looks on his side and Cody turns to Noel before crawling closer to him, “here it is.”</p><p>He reaches over him and grabs the remote off the side table before sitting down in the middle once more, changing the channel. He searches through, eventually landing on a movie that’d just started. He sets the remote to the side and Cody sinks lower on the couch, taking his shoes off to pull his knees closer to his chest. He stretches his back and Noel shifts in his seat, laying back against the couch and moving a little towards Cody. It’s not enough for either of them to notice but it makes him feel better. Cody’s knees are up and Noel places his hand on the couch close to his. After a second Cody’s hand shifts and their fingers are touching. The contact is small but it’s enough to make Noel hold his breath for a second. Cody soon moves his fingers closer until two fingers were slotted between his. After a second Noel turned his hand over. Noel turned slightly to look at him and Cody’s eyes look over at him for a moment before looking back to the screen. Cody's hand hovers over his before his fingers move down between each of his. When it closes over his, Noel squeezes it gently before Cody squeezes back. His chest feels warm and Noel eventually thumbs over his hand. And all he wants to do is move closer and put his head in Cody’s lap. He wants Cody’s hand in his hair until he falls asleep. He wants the couch all to themselves, and he wants Devon to disappear. </p><p>“Okay, the food is ready,” Kelsey says. </p><p>And Cody pulls his hand away quickly before Devon stands. He stretches, his arm is back around the smaller man’s waist and he’s back to watching Cody fit perfectly against him. He stands, turning off the TV and heading into the kitchen. Once everything’s set on the table they sit. Devon sits beside Kelsey and Aleena takes the chair beside her. Cody sits by his boyfriend and Spock takes the empty chair by Noel, who's sat in the furthest seat from Cody and Devon. Kelsey clears her throat, “so, haven’t seen you guys in a while, tell me how’s New York?”</p><p>“Big,” Cody says, “it’s always got a lot going on.”</p><p>“Yeah? You like it there,” she asks. </p><p>“Yeah,” he nods, “there’s a lot to do.”</p><p>“Are you planning on living there or…” she trails off but Cody clears his throat, “I guess we haven’t really decided yet.”</p><p>“Cody loves it here so we might move closer, get a house or something,” Devon nods.</p><p>“A house,” Kelsey asks, raising her brows, “wow, that’s a big step.”</p><p>"I guess so," he says, looking over and giving Cody a smile until he turns to look at her and Aleena, "but I hear you two are taking an even bigger step. Cody said you were talking about having kids."</p><p>"Yeah," she says, taking Aleena's hand, "we were struggling to pick donors but we finally decided what we wanna do."</p><p>"We want to adopt," Aleena nods, squeezing her hand, "her name's Katie. We'll have to foster her but after a couple months we'll be allowed to adopt her. We pick her up Monday."</p><p>"Congratulations," Noel and the others say.</p><p>Kelsey raises their hands and kisses the back of Aleena's palm before turning to Devon, "so are you two thinking about kids?"</p><p>And Noel almost chokes on his food. He quickly clears his throat with some water and gives Spock an annoyed look when he feels his hand slap his back a few times with a grin. Devon sips his drink before shrugging, "yeah, well, we’re thinking about them definitely. But we'll probably wait on that though since it's such a big city. We both agreed we'd want to raise our kids somewhere more quiet."</p><p>"We're thinking about getting a dog though," Cody interjects.</p><p>“A dog,” Kelsey says, “what kind of dog are you gonna get?”</p><p>"Maybe a small or medium sized dog," Devon nods, "sometimes our schedules change or I have to go away for a while so I figured Cody could use the company. But that'll change when we settle down and have kids, I'll want to be home a lot more for that.”</p><p>“Hey, Kels, do you have any wine,” Noel asks. </p><p>She turns to him confused and Aleena speaks, “you hate wine.”</p><p>“I don’t hate wine, I just don’t drink it often.”</p><p>“Yeah, there’s some more in the kitchen,” Kelsey nods.</p><p>He gets up and heads into the kitchen finding the wine he doesn’t want before pouring himself a tall glass he doesn't want to drink. He chugs it down and stays in the kitchen for a while scrolling reddit and twitter before he pours another glass. He heads out of the kitchen and runs into a small body, spilling wine all over the front of his shirt. Kelsey goes wide eyed, “oh shit, sorry! You were in there for a while so I thought I should help you find it.”</p><p>“Found it,” he says. </p><p>She frowns, “sorry, I’ll get you another shirt.”</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>He takes his shirt off, holding it and using the dry parts to wipe his skin. When Kelsey comes back she holds out a big pullover, “here, I found—Jesus Christ, your back!”</p><p>“My back,” he asks, turning to look over his shoulder. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s all scratched up,” Spock points out.</p><p>He looks at a picture frame, seeing his reflection in it and the lines of deep scratches that were long down his shoulders. He thinks back to the other night in Cody’s room when he was on top of him and remembers exactly how he got them. He pictures himself between Cody’s legs and the fingernails raking down his skin. He shakes his head and pulls the top on, turning to see Devon staring at him unblinking and Cody flushed as he looks down to eat his food. He shakes his head, “must’ve been from Seth.”</p><p>He sits down and Kelsey doesn’t say anything as she goes into the kitchen and brings him out a glass of wine. Aleena props her head up with her hand and looks at him, “so, Seth, he always scratch you up like that?”</p><p>He clears his throat, “sometimes.” </p><p>“Hm,” Spock says as Kelsey comes out, setting the new glass down in front of him, “sorry about that.”</p><p>“It’s fine.”</p><p>“So, is Seth your boyfriend,” Devon asks, not bothering to look at him. </p><p>“Something like that,” he says, “we haven’t really put a label on it.”</p><p>“Do you love him,” Cody asks. </p><p>And this time all eyes are on Cody. He clears his throat awkwardly and Noel shrugs, “I care about him. Haven’t known him that long so I wouldn’t say I loved him.”</p><p>"Is he good to you," Cody asks, looking down at his food as he cuts it into pieces.</p><p>"Yeah," he nods, "he's good to me."</p><p>“That's good," he says, "so maybe you don't feel that way right now but who knows? You might feel differently in a few months. Maybe you might love him.”</p><p>"Uh, yeah," he says, "maybe."</p><p>He nods and Kelsey clears her throat, “Seth, huh?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Hm," she says, "I remember meeting him. He was nice, cute too, you guys would like him. Seems like a friendly enough guy. You could invite him to your Christmas, he seems like the type who enjoys meeting someone's family."</p><p>"He is. My parents just haven't met any of the guys I mess around with, I feel like it'd just be awkward. The only guys they've ever met have just been friends."</p><p>He drinks some of his wine and Cody looks up at him sporting a bitter expression, "then you should definitely invite him."</p><p>"Yeah," Spock says, "if they love us then they'll for sure like Seth."</p><p>"I'm probably just going to exchange gifts with my parents and leave early."</p><p>"You aren't staying the whole week," Cody asks. </p><p>"Uh, no. I need to get back home. I've got work and everything so I can't stay."</p><p>"That's good," he nods, letting out a breath of laughter, "now I wont feel bad on Christmas for not giving you a gift. I didn't get you anything this year."</p><p>"It's cool," he smiles.</p><p>"I would have but I didn't think you'd be here."</p><p>"Yeah, I almost wasn't," he says, "but I hadn't seen everyone in a while so I figured I'd come."</p><p>"Well, we're all glad you came," Devon says, finally looking up at him. He turns to Cody and rubs his back slightly. </p><p>Cody nods, "yeah, it's good to see you. All of you."</p><p>They all share a smile and nod and get back to the dinner Noel desperately wants to leave. When Devon and Cody go to leave the smaller man turns to him, "so what day are you leaving?"</p><p>"Probably tonight I think," he nods. </p><p>"You really can't stay a little longer?"</p><p>"No, I, uh, I'll probably work and then see if Seth wants me to meet his parents tomorrow."</p><p>He nods, "right. That'll be good for you. It'll be good for you to have someone."</p><p>"Yeah," he nods.</p><p>And while they stare Devon clears his throat, "we should get you back home, I think your mom said something about taking a Christmas photo or something."</p><p>He nods, "right."</p><p>They're all hugging apart from him and when it gets to him Cody's arms are hesitating to reach out for him. Noel pulls him in and throws his arms around him pulling him tight against his body. His breath catches in his throat so softly Noel's surprised he heard him. He turns, putting his mouth near his ear, "Merry Christmas, Cody."</p><p>He lets out his breath, "Merry Christmas, Noel."</p><p>They pull back and Cody moves back to Devon's side, "it was nice seeing you again."</p><p>"It was nice seeing you again too," he smiles. </p><p>"It was nice seeing all of you again," Cody says with a smile, making sure to turn and look at all of them as he gives a small wave, "bye guys."</p><p>"Bye," Noel says. </p><p>"See you guys later," Kelsey smiles, waving to them as Aleena does the same, "yeah, Kelsey and I will see you later."</p><p>He watches them get in the car and drive away. There's a weight in his chest that shifts when he watches the car disappear but he stops thinking about it the second Kelsey's hand slaps onto his shoulder, “you lying piece of shit!”</p><p>He turns to her, going wide eyed until he sees the giant smile on her face, “what?”</p><p>“You fucked Cody!”</p><p>“Wha—no! No, I didn’t.”</p><p>“I met Seth, remember? Just before you came back, and you know what? I remember you being in your underwear with<em> no scars</em> on your back.”</p><p>He sighs and she shakes her head, “you fucked him! Didn’t you? You fucked Cody!”</p><p>“Yeah,” he admits, “I did.”</p><p>“I cannot believe you,” she says. </p><p>“It was only once, and we-”</p><p>“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” she says and Aleena speaks up, "or me!"</p><p>“That’s what you’re mad about?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah obviously,” she says, “and I bet you fucking told Spock about it first!”</p><p>“Hey, I—don’t bring me into this,” Spock says, looking between them. </p><p>“Yeah, don’t bring him into this.”</p><p>“Oh I am bringing him into this! You both knew and didn’t tell us. I thought we were friends.”</p><p>“But I know how you guys are,” he says, “you’d just tell me that I should tell him how I-”</p><p>“You should tell him how you feel,” Aleena says.</p><p>He sighs and she puts her hands on her hips, “well, I’m not wrong.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“He’s leaving after Christmas. You have to tell him,” Kelsey insists.</p><p>“I told you that I’m getting over him.”</p><p>“Why? You’re in l-”</p><p>“I’m getting over him,” he says, “it’s what he wants me to do. I’m not talking about this anymore.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“I’m going home now, guys.”</p><p>“Wh—I drove,” Aleena shouts.</p><p>“Then I’ll walk,” he sighs, “I need the fresh air.”</p><p>He slips on his jacket and leaves, closing the door behind him and finally letting out a long breath. <em>I need to go home.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Once he'd walked home he'd packed his things up after he'd made the same lame excuse about work to his parents. He didn't have to work, but seeing Cody was harder than he thought it'd be. It's night when he decides to go. He's about to leave when he decides to visit the park one last time before leaving. When he arrives he sees the lights shining on the swing set and a person sat there alone. He knows who it is before he gets out and when he walks over and takes the swing beside him the other man doesn't even look up to see him.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>"Thought you were leaving," Cody says, "thought you had to get back to Seth."</p><p>"I do," he nods, "just had to say goodbye to this place before I left."</p><p>"You're not coming back here again, are you?"</p><p>"No," he says, "I probably wont."</p><p>He nods and things are silent. He finally gets the courage to bring it up, "I'm sorry I didn't text you back."</p><p>"Are we really getting into that right now?”</p><p>“I wanted to text you.”</p><p>“Then why didn’t you?”</p><p>“You told me to let you go. I thought it was what you wanted,” he explains.</p><p>“I wanted you to let me go to New York, not cut me out of your fucking life forever!”</p><p>“I thought it would be easier for you if I was out of your life completely. You begged me to let you go and I thought it was what you wanted. I just wanted to give you what you wanted. I couldn’t text you anyway. I wanted to but I just couldn’t.”</p><p>“What," he asks, letting out a breath of annoyed laughter, "too busy?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Then why couldn’t you? I took the time to text you. I sent plenty of texts. You didn’t respond to any of them. You didn’t call, you didn’t text me, you didn’t video chat, none of it, you didn’t try! Why couldn’t you just try? I thought we were friends!”</p><p>“We are!”</p><p>“Then why didn’t you talk to me?”</p><p>“Because I knew if I did I would have gone after you," he says back, "I would have gotten on a plane and made you come back home and I knew you didn’t want that. You wanted Devon, you asked for Devon, so even though I didn’t want you to go I let you go. I had to stop talking to you because it would have just made me miss you more. So I couldn’t.”</p><p>“You would have gone after me?”</p><p>“Of course I would have,” he says, as if it’s obvious, “you’re my...”</p><p>He trails off but they both know what he was going to say. He shakes his head and takes a deep breath before sighing, "you're my best friend."</p><p>"Best friends talk to each other."</p><p>"You're right," he says.</p><p>"So are you going to talk to me?"</p><p>"Yeah," he says.</p><p>"Promise?"</p><p>He turns to look at him, waiting. Noel gives a short nod and Cody picks at his fingers, "you promised. That means you have to."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"You can't leave me alone again," he says, shaking his head. </p><p>"I wont," he shakes his head back.</p><p>"I don't ever want you to leave me alone again."</p><p>He picks at the skin around his nails even more, waiting for him to say something and Noel gets out of the swing, kneeling in front of him and holding his hands, "I'm not gonna leave you alone again."</p><p>He looks down and Noel raises a hand to lift his chin, giving him a smile, "I mean it."</p><p>"Good," he says.</p><p>He stands up and looks to the parking lot, "you walk here?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Thought you were scared of the dark."</p><p>"I am," he nods, "but Devon's got the rental. I couldn't ask him to take me here though. He knows this is—<em>was</em> our spot so."</p><p>"It's really dark, I don't want you to walk home by yourself. Let me drive you."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>He stands and Noel notices the lack of a jacket on him. He takes his off and wraps it around him, "probably freezing your ass off out here."</p><p>They get in the car and Noel lets it warm up. Before he can put the car in reverse Cody's placing his hand on top of his, "can we stay here? Just for a little bit longer?"</p><p>"Yeah, sure," he nods, "whatever you want."</p><p>He pulls the jacket around himself tighter as the car warms up. They stare at the swing set for a while. The moon barely illuminating the playground. Normally this would be the part where Noel would pull him into his lap or get him in the backseat but all he wants to do now is hold his hand again. He doesn't know how long they sat beside each other in silence but he knows Cody didn't speak until they're leaving the park, "are you really seeing someone?"</p><p>He turns, the question catching him off guard. He shrugs, "we haven't put a label on it yet. He and I have just been kind of sleeping together for a while."</p><p>"How long?"</p><p>"Not long but long enough that he wants me to meet his family."</p><p>"Big step," he says.</p><p>He shrugs, "I suppose."</p><p>"Do you think he could be the one for you?"</p><p>"I think he's good for me," he says.</p><p>He nods and Noel folds his arms across his chest, "what about you? How's New York really been? Devon the one for you?"</p><p>"New York is...overwhelming at times, but Devon's nice. He's good to me, you know?"</p><p>"Yeah, well, he better be," he says, reaching over and pushing the hair out of Cody's face, "better be treating you like a prince."</p><p>"He does," he nods, "he's very good to me. He's sweet and caring and he's everything a boyfriend should be. He's...<em>Prince Charming.</em>"</p><p>He gives a laugh at that and nods as they pull up to Cody's house, "well, good. I'm happy for you."</p><p>"Thanks. I'm happy for you too, finding someone who's good to you. And, uh, thanks for taking me home," he smiles, "it was good seeing you again."</p><p>"It was good seeing you again too."</p><p>"I've got to get to bed."</p><p>"Right, you've got to be up early."</p><p>He nods, giving him a smile, "I get to spend the day with Prince Charming and his family."</p><p>"Good luck," he says.</p><p>"Good luck to you too, meeting Seth's family."</p><p>The silence makes him feel like spilling his guts to Cody, something he's always been too scared to do, especially since Cody had told him to let him go. He told the others he'd get over him, but here he was sitting in the front seat next to Cody wondering what would happen if he kissed him right now, if he held him right now. Cody turns to look at him for a moment before looking to his lap as he fidgets, "I wish you would stay."</p><p>"For Christmas? I already told you, I-"</p><p>"For when I leave to go back to New York."</p><p>"Why would you want me there for that," he asks. </p><p>"You weren't there when I left last time. I just thought you'd wanna be there this time."</p><p>"No, I don't think I could be there."</p><p>"Yeah, you're probably right," he says, "if you were there you'd ask me to stay."</p><p>"I wouldn't ask you to stay," he says firmly, "I'd never ask you to stay."</p><p>"I know," he nods, voice getting softer the way Noel knows it does before he starts crying, "you know I'll be happier there anyway. I know you'd never ask me to stay. I guess a part of me is just still hoping you will."</p><p>Cody clears his throat and wipes under his eyes quickly and Noel pretends not to notice, "maybe you'll come visit me sometime."</p><p>"Yeah, maybe."</p><p>They both know that maybe is a lie. That he'll never go near Cody, but they both pretend this time. There's a pause and then Cody gets out of the car, door shutting behind him. He sits there and brings his hands to the wheel, holding it for a moment and letting out a shaky breath until the car door is opening again. He turns, letting go of the wheel to see Cody sitting back down and slamming the door shut. Before he can say anything he's placing his hand on both sides of Noel's face and kissing him hard. His eyes remain open and watching tears slip past Cody's closed lashes and down his cheeks. Noel wipes them quickly as he closes his eyes and kisses him back. His arms fit around Cody's waist easily and he pulls his body closer without getting him on his lap. When Cody tears away from his mouth he slips out of Noel's arms too easily, wiping his face. Noel finds himself taking hold of Cody's wrist to keep him there.</p><p>"I'll miss you," Cody says, "I'll always miss you."</p><p>Before Noel can say it back Cody's gently pulling his hand from him and getting out of the car, leaving him there dumbfounded. He watches Cody walk up the driveway and after a moment of him alone in the car he finds himself getting out, "Cody!"</p><p>He stops and turns to him, and the sight of Cody like that makes his heart race, "yeah?"</p><p>The blond walks a few feet back to the car and Noel shrugs, "I-I was just wondering something."</p><p>"Yeah, what is it?"</p><p>"You, uh," he starts, "you called Devon your Prince Charming. I guess I was just wondering what that makes me."</p><p>Cody lets out a laugh, sniffling before shaking his head and giving a shrug, "I guess it makes you what you've always been to me, my knight in shining armor."</p><p>He lets the words sink in as he nods to Cody. The other man smiles, "goodnight, Noel."</p><p>"Goodnight, Cody."</p><p>He watches him walk to the front door and disappear inside as he hears the words repeat in his head again, <em>my knight in shining armor.</em></p><p>"Knight in shining armor, huh," he says to himself, "guess you were wrong this time, Spock."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have an ending written but I'm debating on whether I should change it or not so it could be a while before I post it.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've got most of this already written so I'm pretty sure this'll only have like 11 chapters.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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